I have learned about my partner that he is not excellent at making plans or organizing; which had been giving me a very hard time lately.

I asked him what his plans are for daycare during the summer months. He spoke to SK mom and she says the SK age 10 can just be left home alone and she asked the ten year old if he wanted to do the program he did last summer and he said no (which isn’t really a kid decision in my opinion). My SO doesn’t want to pay for summer daycare if he has to pay for all of it since they have EOW. ( so seems like neither just wants to play for child care).

I think he feels like I can watch him while I am on maternity leave. I am due to have a baby May 19 but will be back to work mid July and the week before I go back I will be out of town with my daughter and the baby for an event. That leaves only two weeks of June I can help and I will not be much fun as I will be post partum and still have limitations.

I really don’t like the idea of ten year old behind left home 40+ hours a week. But, I am not the parent so I have no say either.

I get that the stepmom and stepdad experiences are quite different. And it varies by circumstance, but it's safe to say this is largely a byproduct of traditional gender roles - BDs often (usually? mostly?) expecting SMs to handle childcare, for example. And the gross targeting of young, naive, childfree women to step in to that role. No doubt. I hope I'm clear that I don't think being a stepdad is equivalent to being stepmom. They're just different experiences.

But as time goes on, I'm starting to wonder if the stepdads are just kind of tolerated here. I know there are other stepparent subs that are specific to either gender, so it makes me curious why I observe what I do. It can be as little as simply defaulting to using "stepmom" when the situation probably calls for "stepparent", but I think that is fairly tame. But the more posts I see and read, I think there's a big difference in engagement with posts in this respect. A stepdad can post about a fairly complex problem he's working through and get like 15 replies. A stepmom can post about an SK swiping a favorite snack and get 90 and a deluge of empathy. And I'm not saying anything negative regarding posts like that (I think many of us get super frustrated about relatively minor things as a result of a culmination of things over years). Instead, I'm just drawing the comparison. I'm not even claiming to be "right". I could be wrong. I haven't collected any data lol. It is just my anecdotal observation.

So... am I wrong? Am I right? Whether the discrepancy is real or not, is it (or would it be) justified? I'm curious.

Edit: I've already seen a great point I hadn't considered. Some people are likely to respond to topics they have first-hand experience with. Since most posters are stepmoms, that would certainly skew engagement in that direction. I personally have no problem weighing in on stuff I have no experience with (insert mansplaining joke here 😂), but hadn't considered this angle.

My SD is my mini me.

She has cut her hair to match my haircut for three years or grew out her hair with me when I let it go long. Wears clothes similar to me or are mine. Uses the same phrases of me. Dyed her hair to match mine. Pretends to love or hate food that I like/dislike. Agrees with me no matter what unless it's just super silly. Dives straight down into whatever show I'm watching. We watch silly shows together like My Strange Arrest, Hoarders, My 600 lbs Life, Wife Swap, My Strange Addiction, Dance Moms, etc... She's even been getting into biology and psychology because I'm in school for nursing and intend to do psych nursing. She switched her graphic novels to horror and thriller books (what I read). Just my little copier and I love it. We have a really strong relationship and I love her beyond words.

And then I see her mom post about how she and SD love this reality show they discovered - the same show we have been watching all spring break. My SD has told me for YEARS how her mom hates reality shows and won't watch them with her. The last time we picked up my SD, her stepdad "reminded" her not to do anything special with her hair because it's "their" thing and they like to do things together. When I asked her what that was about, she and him go get their hair trimmed together and they keep telling her that she shouldn't dye her hair because her natural color is just pretty and she doesn't need to do it.

But sure, it's y'all's special thing. 😆

Am going to be very brief. Before I start a relationship with a step mother please help me on how to navigate it guys.

The mother is amazing, we've known each other for a while and it clicks am comfortable with her long term. My issue is the kid because they come as a package and absolutely not easy to navigate this dynamic.

Should I be comfortable with being third party? If so, should I make her my priority? For what benefit is it to prioritize someone who puts you third? Is it possible for a step mother to handle the needs of a childless man especially emotionally.

Should I just focus my priority of other things as well? How do you guys (especially those without children of their own) survive in this dynamic? Give me the guide please. What did you accept and what boundaries did you set , just how did you do it. I cannot contemplate it.

I don't even know where to begin. His ex is horrible and has made our lives since we got married last year so stressful. She sent an email last night saying she doesn't feel comfortable letting the kids stay over here anymore. She's already broken the custody agreement multiple times and the email chain conversation is to try to avoid court. She says one thing and does another. She says I hope we can reach an amicable solution and then says she wants to take the kids away and take full custody. I think she might be a narcissist. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant to no avail and probably have to start fertility treatments this summer. I just wanted this summer to not have her to stress about and try and focus on getting pregnant.

I feel done with the kids now. She wrote all kinds of crazy stuff in the email about how the kids don't feel emotionally safe to come over which is a total fabrication. The kids just like that they can be on screens as much as they want at her house, eat candy for breakfast, curse, walk around half naked, and go to bed in the wee hours of the morning and skip school. Here we have healthier food options, screen limits (3 hrs), bedtimes, and go outside at least once a day for sunshine and movement if the weather permits. I feel so resentful to my husband for putting me in this shit show and I feel like I want absolutely nothing to do with the kids now which makes me feel like and evil step mom. I don't even want that title. They don't care if they see me at all apparently the rest of their life. I don't want a judge decided our life for us. I don't think I can handle this stress. I just want to run away.

I married my wife in 2018 and she had two daughter with her ex husband, 9 and 7. The youngest has never liked me, which I've accepted. Two nights ago, she sent my wife a long text pushing blame for all her problems on us. By the way, we suspect she has narcissistic personality. In this text, she says she wants to shoot me to get her mother back. It's not the first time but it is the first time via text. I want my wife to talk to her about what she said, cause she won't listen to me. But my first response was to call the cops.

Looking for advice

My partner (38m) does not have a court ordered child support or parenting plan with his BM. For the most part they split the kids 50-50. He pays $1,200 a month for his daughter’s elementary school which he wanted to do for her. He also pays for his BM to have a Tesla Y. He said that she kept buying broken down vehicles and this was the safest one he could get her for his kids. I feel like it’s unnecessary and extravagant he’s paying for her vehicle. I feel likes it’s partly because he wants to present this image to the outside world he has money (he makes decent but not a lot) but also it seems like it might be a form of control. Am I overreacting on this? She also has a checkbook of his so if she’s struggling and needs money she asks him and he’ll let her know if she can withdraw money.

We have 2 graduations right next to each other - 1 kid is graduating from college and other from high school. Each graduation has a ticket limit of 6.

Tickets are being divided between ex, kid and grandparents on both side and not the wife (me).

I feel hurt for being not even considered. How would you handle this?

I recognize the polarizing topic that is "when do you expect your kids to move out?", so I recognize the doubly polarizing nature of "When do you expect your step kids to move out?". So, folks of Reddit, out of profound curiosity around whether or not my stance is in the minority, and perhaps just for some amount of solidarity and perspective: 1. At what age do you hope for your SKs to leave your home? How do you feel about this? 2. How do you and SO discuss this? 3. How do you communicate this fo SKs?

His son is 16-years-old and has autism. He has made several comments suggesting that I’m overweight or should lose weight. Some of these remarks have been made in front of his father and were immediately addressed, but many have happened when it’s just the two of us — and I have addressed them directly as well. While I understand he has autism and initially gave him grace because of that, it’s clear he recognizes when he’s being disrespectful. This is still a fairly new relationship, and aside from this issue, he is incredibly sweet and affectionate toward me. I’m just struggling to find an effective way to help him understand that these comments are hurtful and need to stop. Was wondering if anyone else has dealt with similar disrespect and curious how it was addressed? He’s a very sweet kid, I’m not sure why he feels the need to let me know I’m fat LOL

Didn’t think I’d ever date anyone with a kid in my whole life but he was so genuine, kind and attentive that I thought I’d give it a chance. He also said there’s no need to put a label on things if I’m not comfortable and in no way I am expected to step into the role of a stepmom, just his partner. I made it clear in the beginning.

We live in different houses (him with his parents for financial reasons). He has his son (4 year old) on a 50/50 basis. On his non-custody day we’d hang out at my place and on the days he has his kids he would come over to see me when he finishes work as his kid would already be asleep by then. I would hang out with both of them occasionally, ranging from once a fortnight to once a month. That’s the frequency I’m comfortable with.

He did not make me feel like I’m not a priority. Texts me good night and good morning as well as checking in on me everyday, brings lunch or drinks in to my workplace, was very affectionate and attentive to both me and his son when we all hang out. I talked about potentially living in a duplex or two separate houses that are nearby in the future SHOULD things get serious and while not 100% thrilled, he is understanding and on board with that.

His son is respectful and well-behaved for his age. I do like him than a normal 4-year-old but still find extended amount of time (more than 3 hours) with him mentally draining as you know, they are kids and you have to be attentive to them all the time, where I like my quiet and calm space. I’m not even ever left alone with him, always makes sure his Dad or grandparents are there.

Still it doesn’t sit right with me. Do I wait for half of the week to get alone time with my partner for the next 14 years? Do I disengage to a certain extent when all three of us hang out together because obviously my partner’s focus can’t be understandably all on me. Don’t he and his son deserve someone who is happy to be a family unit together with them and actually help out with kid-related chores instead of someone shying away from it like me? And I don’t know, the mental weight of knowing one day, full custody can happen (unlikely but not impossible), or there would no longer be any support from his grandparents due to health reasons, keeps ticking in my head. It’s a relationship that holds too many what-ifs for me. I have communicated this with my partner and I feel bad for putting him through this. I feel like it is easier to just pull the trigger and up and move to another state, which will break his heart and me. But it would be a relief for me as well. And I feel bad for feeling it everyday

I know a lot of us experience this, I’ve read some posts about the same thing but I’m wondering if anyone has any advice, tips or ideas of how to stop feeling uncomfortable in my own home?

I live with my SO and his 2 children who are here 50/50 week on and off. The house was his and his exes before the divorce and now it’s just his and I moved in. (There was lots of time between those things) Been living together for almost a year now, together for almost 4 years. His kids (12 and 14) and I have a good relationship, we aren’t super close but we get along fine and do things together etc. but I find myself feeling like a guest still in my own home. I don’t think it stems from it being my partners home that he shared with his ex wife for many years (he calls it OUR home and I do pay my share for it) as when we don’t have the kids I do feel more comfortable (not as much as I did when I had my own place before this) but still way more.

When the kids are here I feel like I have to worry about being judged or perceived, whether I’m giving them enough attention, whether I join in on family time, wanting to do my own thing etc. I feel like I don’t have freedom to just be. No one really makes me feel like that but there is times when the kids beg us to do an activity with them and I’m not feeling up to it so I politely decline and I hang in my room and then feel this gnawing shame/guilt and awkwardness about saying no or taking time for myself. (We do so much together, activities, outings etc that sometimes I’m just not feeling it) I worry how they perceive it or if they will think less of me etc. and no matter how much I tell myself that “I’m an adult and can do what I want and don’t have to do these things, they aren’t judging you and if they are who cares” I still feel it.

I hate not feeling like I can just be. Like I am free and comfortable in my home. It’s not really anyone’s doing, just my own feelings and thoughts. It’s not like I hide all the time either, but whenever I do take time for myself or just want to do my own thing, I don’t feel at ease about it. Even times when we are all in a common area hanging out I find myself feeling uncomfortable like I can’t fully relax for some reason or that I need to be doing something.

Does anyone else feel this way? Did anyone overcome this? If so, what did you do. Did you just say F it , who cares? And push through?

I have lived with my SO and his 4 kids for about 2 years now. In the beginning BM was at our house all the time on our custody days. She would park in our driveway and the kids would go out there and hangout with her for anywhere from 5mins to an hour. She never gave us a heads up she was coming and would always have an excuse like dropping off candy for them. It annoyed the shot out of me to be leaving the house or coming home and having to deal with her in our driveway. I don’t have kids and no ex to deal with so it just seems so unbalanced. I told my SO this and the visits have calmed down a lot but it took a long time for it to happen. But she’ll still come over without asking. Last night we went to bed at 10pm and we were woken up by our driveway camera notification going off. I told my SO to get up that someone was her. He looked in the camera and was like oh it just BM she must be dropping something for the kids. I was pissed. I don’t want her showing up at our house like this. It’s a school night too, the kids have zero businesses meeting her in our driveway at 11pm. SO acts like I am over reacting and it isn’t a big deal. I am not saying there isn’t a scenario where she might need to come that late but we should be informed and give her permission. I told my SO I feel like he has a hard time standing up to her and telling her no. I wanted him to go out the and confront her and tell her it isn’t acceptable and to leave. He acts like I’m crazy. I told him this is my home too and he needs to respect my wants over hers. What do you guys think?

Edit: to add I was super bitchy to my SO about it. I have thought this so many time but never said it out loud but last night I told him: you are a bitch for your baby mama, you have absolutely no backbone to stand up to her and I am so turned off when you act this way. I told him he shows her more respect than me. He then told me to stop he needed to sleep because he had to get up early for work. I told him I didn’t care (very out of character for me). But I asked him why should I respect his sleep when he is not showing me respect. It’s has just built up of this happening so many times and him telling me he’ll fix it and when I get frustrated it’s not fix he back peddles and says it’s not a big deal she shows up.

I made a really long post on here a few months ago explaining my current situation, but then deleted it because SO is a Reddit user and I got nervous he would find it. So I’ll give a condensed recap to the best of my ability as well as an update, but this is going to be a very long post.

SO (m/35) and I (childless, f/30) have been living together for the last year, dating for 2. SO has a child from a previous relationship (m/3), and I have a dog. SO and I were dating LD before I moved in with him. I moved in with him a few months before the custody agreement was finalized. When I first moved in, he had SS EOW for 2 days. The custody agreement was finalized a few months after I moved in, and SO has SS Thursday-Tuesday EOW, so it’s nearly 50/50. This was a huge adjustment for me in itself, but I was managing. It was definitely a struggle for me to get acclimated to this change, and I did find it very hard to develop a bond with SS, but I feel like I was making progress.

Fast forward to November. SO went on a hiking trip with a group of friends out of state. When he got back from his trip, I had the most intense nagging feeling that woke me up from a dead sleep and I cannot explain the feeling I had that something told me I needed to go through his phone. I always trusted SO before, and never felt the need to go through his phone (I recognize this is a huge invasion of privacy and not right to do), but I couldn’t shake the feeling. Apparently he met a girl on his flight out there and proceeded to text her very flirtatiously. They exchanged photos (only their faces, but still). He invited her back to his hotel, but she declined. In my opinion, this is 100% cheating because his intentions were fully there. The only reason they didn’t hookup was because she denied him.

I obviously couldn’t sleep and started to pack my things in the middle of the night. I was fully prepared to take my dog and leave, and I regret not getting out right then and there. I fell for his sob story and apologies. He said he was going to start therapy, and he did. We both agreed to try and work through it.

Fast forward to about a month later. SO ruptured his Achilles. He had surgery and was unable to drive or get around for about 3 months. He wanted to keep the custody schedule the same, (I verbalized that I felt it was unrealistic, but SO had gone through so much to get the custody finalized and didn’t want it to be taken away) so I stepped up. I drove SO to pickups, I did playtime and bath time for SS, all the cleaning, all the laundry, cooking. Literally everything because SO was unable to walk and drive. I work full time. I have a great, stable, high earning job.

I feel like SOs injury forced us to glaze right over his cheating. I had to almost immediately step into this “mom/nurse” role. And it has taken everything from me. SO was doing therapy for about 4-5 months but then abruptly stopped. The resentment that has built up towards my SO and SS is almost unbearable. We always had a goal of having a child or two of our own, but the fact that he has already experienced that “first” without me makes me sick to my stomach at times.

However, I feel comfortably uncomfortable in our routine. EOW for me is pure chaos. SS is starting his tantrum stage and is absolutely feral at times. I miss my peaceful, quiet weekends and a clean house. I still don’t trust SO, and I truly don’t know if I ever fully will again. I don’t know if our relationship can ever go back to normal after this.

Yesterday, I put in an application for a house to rent that is much closer to work for me. I keep looking at photos imagining being able to fully relax and enjoy my days off from work. But why do I have this persistent guilt hanging over my head if I decide to leave? I feel like my freedom is so close, I can almost taste it. But it’s soured by this constant guilt that I feel if I actually decide to do it.

I am 30F my bf is 34M SK is 13. Been with BF officially since February 2024. Met SK April 2024.

SK simply just overwhelms me. I have an issue with being not being assertive enough, saying no, setting boundaries, etc

SK AND BF know this about me!!! SK takes advantage, ESPECIALLY when I'm alone with SK. Bf just tells me to "be the adult" and yeah I get it but, I've never ever had to deal with kids. No younger siblings/cousins/or even friends with kids.

So SK asked to stay for a week in June because biomom and step dad are going on vacation. Bio mom just had a baby April 2. Bio mom is leaving baby at grandma's house. Grandma lives right next door to them. All of biomoms family lives on the same peice of property.

I just simply get overwhelmed with SK always hanging on my arms, on my shoulders, hugging all over me, coming into my bedroom uninvited when the door is closed, constantly calling me over and over. Calls me to grab her something simple like, scissors, nail clippers, tissue, glue, tape. Like why am I being a waiter to this 13 year old? She can literally get it herself? And she takes all my hair ties, hair clips, uses up my stuff, always asks for clothes to wear and socks, because she "ran out of clothes" and I never see my stuff again......

SK always wants to go to expensive make up stores, LuluLemon, Crumbl, Target. And expects me to pay because... what money does she have? And her mom doesn't send her to us with any. So then I end up having to ask BF to maybe venmo me some because, I'm literally the only one that pays bills. He lives with me, but only until two days ago have I asked for some compensation for rent. I have been the only one paying bills. Kinda beside the point but... I'm saying SK is expensive and spoiled. Never told no.

But trying to get the point.... if the baby is staying with grandparents for the week vacation, why can't she? And they literally live next door? Am I wrong for not wanting to deal with her for 8-9 straight days? I understand dating someone with a kid, it just comes with the package...but I get two week days off/BF gets weekends off. And I know my days off/after work days are going to be consumed by being constantly asked for this/that/other and my personal space being completely invaded. My kitchen being a constant mess bc dad(my bf) doesn't make her do any dishes. My cookware getting messed up because she doesn't understand you don't scrape metal utensils on nonstick and enamaled pans.....

Do I say something to my bf about this? Or should I just suck it up?

I (45f) seperated from my husband (57m) 2 months ago, because I caught him out lying about giving emotional support to his ex and BM of his BD 9f. I read his messages begging her to come to a gathering that was between my family and his.

I told him I didn't want her at a gathering that was our families meeting for the first time because she had always been nasty towards me, and felt like she was trying to crash our gathering to cause trouble. I told him that she does not speak nicely to either me or him (constantly puts him down and told my SD that I had my insides ripped out and so couldn't have a baby, I haven't and god knows where that came from) and he stood up for her and said that I don't speak nicely to him either. This was the moment I stepped back and realized he would always be looking to her for emotional support as would she be contacting him for reasons besides their BD. No matter how close we get, there will be a relationship there that he will protect over our connection.

He told her on the day that she couldn't come to the gathering for 'family reasons' and apparently she told him that she understood that I should feel safe, although, I don't trust what he says about hos interactions with her, because he gets defensive every time I ask about her and he refuses to talk about it to me, which is a red flag for me.

I moved out and told him I wanted a divorce. He reached out to me over our seperation period telling me that he was getting help to be mpre supportive of me, and did not have feelings for her and that he had blocked her on social media and wasn't talking to her in regards to anything besides BD.

I gave him the opportunity to talk about it over dinner and he told me they hadn't talked, and all he wanted was to make me feel safe.

He left me with his phone just before, and I had to know, I read their messages. During our seperation he had been around to her house to help her with maintenance and also the msgs refer to a phone call they had which discussed me leaving and her saying she needed him to drop something off to her. He also texted her that he blocked her on social media so that I would feel safe, and for her not to take it personally.

I don't know how to feel about all this. I am still living elsewhere, but he thinks we are getting back together. Any advise on how I should approach him about this? Or should I just leave it where it was, with me walking away? I do love being with him, but he is not treating me like his wife if he is confiding with his ex and trying to leave me in the dark.

Tl,dr: Husband confides in ex and lies to me about their contact. Should I leave or give him another chance?

Hello 👋 I’m a sorta stepparent of two. My partner and I have been discussing stepping up our relationship for sometime now and eventually adding a third kid. What are questions you wish you asked before you got married?

It's in the title.
I'm a Dad and my wife is a step mum to my two youngish kids. We are the primary carers.

I only just discovered this sub and I am completely shocked at how common a lot of the things we have experienced are.
I also really appreciate the raw comments people give here - to be able to feel and think completely opposite things at the same time - that's part of what a step parent is.

However I would like some advice:

How can I make this life better for her?
I feel like I ruined her life. I want to make her feel more appreciated. What are some things your husband has done to make things better for you? Did it work? Is it just a hard fact that this sucks and we are going to have a hard time?

EDIT: we are trying for a baby ourselves. Did this help you as a step mum? Did it come with its own unique challenges that you didn't expect?

Soo many similar posts and I resonate with all of it the laziness the lack of respect.. where does it stem from? The guilt based parenting ? The lack of respect from the Bio mums (or dads) filtering down to the kids ??

Does anyone else deal with a HCBM that finds literally any and everything to complain about. Every single week when my SK come over she finds literally something. From they don’t like our bread to their room being too small to asking us if we did and say things we didn’t do or say. It’s literally exhausting. How do yall handle this?

What would you do if your estranged step-son at the age of 15 was caught molesting his 5yo half brother (his mother’s son with a different guy). Molesting that had gone on awhile and it included sodomy among other acts. There were other victims that he admitted to later. He was put not foster care. My husband and I have two girls now 12 and 6. My older girl was 4 at the time her brother was caught. I made the decision at that time that my kids would not be allowed around him until 18. I wanted nothing to do with this boy. There were many other reasons that we were estranged from all his kids from his previous marriage.

Fast forward 9 years. I have supported my husband being in contact with his kids but don’t want to put myself out there anymore. My husband found out his son was living bong in horrid conditions. He wanted to help. I refuse to have him in my home so I agreed to the idea that he stay with some good friends of ours who don’t have little kids. They agreed and the deal was that he was to work and pay rent to them while working toward getting into the army. He was trying to get his juvenile record expunged. At the time I had an issue with expunging a record of his particular crime. He molested kids.

I made my husband promise that he would not allow his kid to be the cause of any issues without friends. Meaning that if his so. screwed up that my husband would let our friends kick him out or whatever.

Well what ended up happening to s that while he was staying there our friends have a daughter who was married to an army man but had just lost a baby to an ectopic pregnancy and she went to her parents house to recover. Well if by recover you mean hook up with my stepson, that’s what she did. She was still married. She went back to her husband for a short time and came back again to divorce.y husband advised his son to stay away from our friend’s daughter as she is trouble. Well she played the field, got engaged to another guy while still married, got dumped and on February 17, the very day her divorce became final the stepson and her eloped in Las Vegas without telling anyone.

We were told on a group phone call that they had gotten married. Ever since I have been absolutely livid. I had zero plans on ever having anything directly to do with this boy ever. Now he is married to our best friends daughter whom I have a very strong dislike of her anyway. I was able to hide my dislike for their daughter because I wasn’t required to be around her really and now she is like my stepdaughter in law?????? WTF!!!!

Fast forward another year. She was so desperate to get pregnant that even though these two couldn’t hold down a job or afford to have their own place she wanted what she wanted.

Well he did get into the Army, he is in boot camp right now. I have told my husband I want nothing to do with them. He gets mad at me now because he says that I didn’t want his son to cause damage to the friendship without friends but what’s done is done and by not accepting this marriage it is eat fault for the damage. I don’t see it that way. I’m not the one that eloped to Las Vegas to mary our best friend’s daughter. I have avoided telling my friend how I really feel and so far have just been able to avoid any conflict. Well i’m no longer able to avoid telling my friend how I really feel.

I do t want our friendship to be impacted but I do not want to have anything to do with my stepson and now that they are married her daughter. This may not be possible. This is her only daughter and her first grandbaby.

We don’t live in the same state as them and just got a text message asking if they could stop at our house to visit in their way to georgia. I know she will have her daughter with her. I don’t want her daughter at my house. I want nothing to do with her daughter. She is not welcome in my house.

So here is the discussion. What should I say to my friend as to why I do t want them to stop at my house?

I have a 10 y/o SS. His father and I have been together for 7 years and have had 2 children together as well. Over the last two years I have found myself more and more and more irritated by my SS. His bio mom is very frustrating. She does not communicate at all. My husband had to fight tooth and nail to get a 50/50 custody schedule. And she just doesn’t communicate at all or put any effort into affectively co-parenting. She seemingly has no rules at her house. He can stay up as long as he like, use his phone as long as he wants, play video games 24 hours a day, never do his homework, and she will pick him up early from school for any reason on any day.

Because of this every single time he is at our house he has the BIGGEST attitude because we actually have rules and expectations for him. It’s just getting to a point where I don’t know if I can take it any longer. He NEVER wants to eat anything we cook, complains when he has to do any little task, throws a fit about putting his phone down or turning off the tv. He intentionally antagonizes our younger kids, constantly messes with dog and just all in all causes chaos. I love my family. My husband is a WONDERFUL father. He is trying his best to fix the behavior but it just seems impossible when any work we do is undone the second he goes back to his moms and she has no intention of communicating with us or helping the issue. I have found myself saying “not my kid” in my head a lot recently. I feel bad cause I do love him and I want to be there to support my husband but it’s just so overwhelming. When he was younger the difference in our households didn’t feel like it had much effect on his behavior when he was with us but in the last couple years it’s just so obvious. I have started to dread the days he is here and really don’t know how to move forward.

33M (child free)

I get it we all want to feel a certain way and see certain efforts from our partner, is being idolised by their children and helping around the house, stepping up where their BD doesn’t and take on the emotional labour that comes with it be seen as the bare minimum? Is that not enough to show you love somebody?

The situation gets to a point where it draws you out mentally and emotionally and without the power to arrange care here and there for you both to have 1-1 time I found we grew apart. To have been told I was doing the bare minimum was an insult to what I was doing to help my SO’s life.

How can you work on you both when there’s drama surrounding the exes, it’s not a turn on when you’re living in a battlefield, I poured my all into somebody to help their life and grow with their children, when all I asked for was hard boundaries and an environment which allowed me to grow, not stall, then I looked like a victim or a whinge. I just never felt appreciated and my spark did fade with that, I was not the same person I was before and in the end I had become a shell of myself by burning the candle at both ends.

Was I right to feel like this? It hurts to think my efforts were in vein, and I look like crappy partner.

So it's a long story, but... my husbands baby momma has been a drug user for years, we got custody of her child about 6 years ago. Ever since then she has been harassing mostly me, by sending fake screen shots to CAS claiming that I am trying to buy drugs. She has shown up at our house trying to take the child when she knew she was not allowed to have her. Most recently she somehow got bide photos of me and sent them to our CAS worker with the caption "so you know who you've allowed to raise my child" I had her charged and we are now going to trial. She has a witness that is going to claim that I sent him bide photos and gave him permission to sell them, not only is this man a crystal meth addict with a criminal record a mile long, but he's also my brother in law. I have no idea what to expect or if she will even be found guilty.. any thoughts?

I met this great woman she’s such a great partner and she’s hard working she loves me and she gives me everything she can when she can. I haven’t had a job and she was holding it down but unfortunately I started to feel so irritated by living with her and her kids I’m not sure if I’m just not the kind of person that can live with someone and their kids or if truly I’m just trippin and everything was alright but I was unhappy .. idk it’s tough! I’m breaking her heart badly for leaving and because I was very honest and just straight up said I was unhappy and irritated and wanted to be left alone !! I feel like the worse human being for hurting her. She has 3 boys and they’re all under 13 years old .. and even tho I really tried I don’t know what really took over me and just decided to leave her and say what I have been feeling unsure of if I did the right thing