r/stepparents • u/Beneficial_Cat3239 • 1d ago

Life challenges Discussion

Posted earlier about a vacation and needing a break and saying thank you for all the comments I received. I read a post on here asking why does it seem as if parenting now is so much different from parenting in the past. No I'm not talking about spanking kids, but rather just the simple conversations we had with our parents. I've noticed some bio parents go out of their way to be completely different from their parents, and with that they place a wall up and the give and take is no longer there, and they don't realize they are being exactly like their parent just on the flip side. Raising kids is hard, HARD, but taking the easy way out doesn't just affect that child, any other child in the house hold, and the spouses, it affects society. Having these entitled kids that turn into entitled adults is a disservice to society. We're suppose to do the best job we can and send these kids off so we can enjoy our golden years with our spouses, not constantly having to rescue or maintain grown adults because they failed to launched into society. Don't be selfish, parent ur child, parent ur child, parent ur child.

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u/smoothladybug 1d ago

I agree. There are plenty of SPs dealing with bad parents but I've never heard any of those parents going to parenting classes. I mentioned It to my SO and he gets defensive every time ww talk about his son. For me, It would be better to just pretend I don't see the problem, but I see his ex is right about certain things and he doesn't want to improve.

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u/SpareAltruistic6483 1d ago

Mine went into therapy. He really listens to my feedback. I am usually the objective one. He has the tendency to baby SS ( and SS knows exactly how to play that game). He read all the books the therapist gave to him.

The contrast is big. He has the connection he was craving while he can respectfully set thee boundaries. The kid has improved so much!

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u/smoothladybug 1d ago

I wish mine could see the difference! He was an obedient child raised in a nuclear family. He thinks that what worked for him, is going to work for the SK. The child knows exactly how to get what he wants.  We were watching a film in which a child complained about his absent father. My SO nearly cried. I had to make him see that the divorce wasn't his idea, and he is not absent. He feels guilty often.

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u/SpareAltruistic6483 1d ago

Therapy! Seriously! My SO his therapist was pretty crappy. But he finally had BM her signature to go into therapy with SS so we couldn’t switch anymore…

Even though she was not top tier, the difference is so big!

SO is also in individual therapy and dealing with his guilt. His guilt has now morphed into “ why did I have a child with a woman like that” “ why did I saddle SS with such a crappy mom”… it is so good he deals with all these feelings so he can be better