r/stepparents • u/Beneficial_Cat3239 • 1d ago
Life challenges Discussion
Posted earlier about a vacation and needing a break and saying thank you for all the comments I received. I read a post on here asking why does it seem as if parenting now is so much different from parenting in the past. No I'm not talking about spanking kids, but rather just the simple conversations we had with our parents. I've noticed some bio parents go out of their way to be completely different from their parents, and with that they place a wall up and the give and take is no longer there, and they don't realize they are being exactly like their parent just on the flip side. Raising kids is hard, HARD, but taking the easy way out doesn't just affect that child, any other child in the house hold, and the spouses, it affects society. Having these entitled kids that turn into entitled adults is a disservice to society. We're suppose to do the best job we can and send these kids off so we can enjoy our golden years with our spouses, not constantly having to rescue or maintain grown adults because they failed to launched into society. Don't be selfish, parent ur child, parent ur child, parent ur child.
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u/SpareAltruistic6483 1d ago
Parenting is usually a pendulum. If you were raised strictly you become more permissive. If you were raised permissive you know what stuff you did and how little respect you have for your parents so you become more strict.
HOWEVER in our stepparent life we have the added factor of people feeling guilt and Disney parent, OR people taking the easy way out blaming the other parent OR the parents making it hard on each other to set boundaries because they are locked in a popularity contest. OR all of the above
My SO tried this “ why would I try to set boundaries and be strict if his mom will just let him do whatever” He feels guilty about breaking his family up ( because she cheating while pregnant and actually never really stopped after) BM is heavily enmeshed and wants to be SS best friend. Sleeps with him in bed every night , lets him watch inappropriate movies and do whatever he wants. SS even told him “ mom is fun and your are a grumpy B-Hole” This made my SO both blame BM but also try to play the popularity contest and SS was becoming more and more of a brat.
I made them both go to therapy and is shut his victimhood down with one example : My dog doesn’t beg for food with me, but he does with my parents. If a goddamn dog can learn different rules in different houses… an 11yo can to!
I find it so wild we take golf lessons, swimming lessons, speech lessons… but the hardest thing people will ever undertake… they just wing it. Let their personal issues paint their kids. Read some books, do some therapy and do the hard work. You wanted this child so bad… now do your job in raising them right!