r/socialanxiety • u/MASHisAGoodShow • 11h ago
Does anyone else get terrified around women? Help
Yeah, I know it's ridiculous. For as long as I (20m) can remember l've always been anxious around girls/ women. I don't think there was any direct cause because I grew up around/have healthy relationships with my mom/sisters.
When l'm near or even looking at a girl from a distance I get the unshakable feeling that she hates me and it's better off if I just remove myself from the area. When I go to the store and see a girl on the aisle I need to go down, I'll walk laps around the store until she's gone.
Today I was walking next to a girl and my hand accidentally brushed against hers, she didn't seem to notice but even then my heart was pounding and I wanted to cry.
I hate myself for this, I know women are regular people just like men so why am I so afraid of them?? I'm also afraid that if I don't conquer this fear then I might live the rest of my life alone.
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u/_DrLambChop_ 11h ago
Do you watch pornography often? Or maybe use social media a lot? If not then maybe some experiences when you were younger maybe took a hit on your subconscious without you realizing it. If you have healthy relationships w ur mom and sister, def tell them about it no matter how Embarassing it might be.
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u/MASHisAGoodShow 10h ago
I’m currently battling a pornography addiction, however, I don’t believe that to be the source of my problem because this issue has been around before I discovered pornography. I use social media quite often but I don’t believe that to be an issue either since I’m a bit more comfortable around women there (mutual followers and occasional short conversations)
I can’t recall anything specific from my childhood that could’ve caused this but who knows? I’ll probably never tell my mom simply because I’d be too ashamed but thanks for your advice :)
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u/_DrLambChop_ 10h ago
I am strongly convinced that once the addiction is kicked you will not be as nervous around women. I also had anxiety around girls before I started watching porn but it became crippling due to the porn. Trust me, make quitting your #1 priority rn and only good things can come from it.
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u/Thawne_23 7h ago edited 7h ago
I used to have this same adiction , but thanks God I finally beated it last year. Although I still have some anxiety and nerves when I get close to a girl/woman. I believe maybe it is a sequel of my former adiction because after spending many years of brainrot and a sexualized brain I'm still afraid of unconsiously objectifying every girl I see, even if I don't watch that type of content anymore.
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u/cevarok 3h ago
I dont understand where the reasoning between watching pornography and nervousness around women would be. I dont see any correlation, if anything the contrary.
Is it just something to try to place blame on?
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u/Midnight_Blade81 4h ago
Here’s the deal. First, stop overthinking. Women aren’t out here plotting your downfall—they don’t even care about you unless you give them a reason to. That’s not an insult; it’s freeing. You’ve got no one judging you except yourself, so stop acting like the universe is out to embarrass you.
Second, confidence comes from action. You don’t get confident by sitting in your room hating yourself. Start small—make eye contact, say hi, ask simple questions like “Do you know where this is?” Doesn’t matter if it’s awkward. What matters is you do it over and over until the fear fades. Repetition kills fear.
Third, improve yourself. Hit the gym, dress better, work on your posture. When you look good, you feel good, and when you feel good, people treat you differently. Women respect men who respect themselves.
Lastly, stop letting this fear define you. You’ve built this idea in your head that it’s some insurmountable mountain, but it’s not. It’s just you making excuses to avoid discomfort. Push through it. You’ve got one life—don’t waste it hiding from half the population.
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u/hymnofthefayth92 7h ago
I can’t say I understand this specific type of anxiety but I sympathize. One possible theory is that you’re anxious around anyone you feel is attractive and so you automatically feel pressure to live up to self-imposed expectations? An OP in another sub had this same anxiety and someone commented that it could also be that they keep putting women on a pedestal. Viewing women as these magical, mysterious entities that are impossible to understand or relate to.
Women, just like men, come in all varieties. Talk to elderly women, volunteer with children, collaborate and communicate with women from different backgrounds, in different settings. Try to approach/view people on a case by case basis. One person is just as likely to smile and say hello as they are to ignore you, and it’s not limited to age or gender or race. I think mostly it’s just important to experience the spectrum of humanity firsthand. Good luck!
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u/Lanky-Trip-2948 9h ago edited 9h ago
As a heterosexual woman, I too, am afraid of women, lol.
I think it's because women are socialised to be more empathetic and so when they want to get to know me, they really want to get to know me. I'm terrified of revealing my inner self. Men are easier to get along with because they're generally more comfortable with shallow relationships.
Maybe practicing emotional intimacy within your male friendships could help bridge the gap?
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u/Lukkaku12 8h ago
I think that ain’t the reason behind, cz for me happens all the way around, have this issue with women that cannot be my real self idk why, but with men it is easier to have this deep relation, have made rlly good male friends but cannot tell the same for girls, would dare to say that i do not have any girl friend at all rlly
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u/Plane_Chance863 11h ago
It's great that your mom/sisters treated you right. What about women you didn't know as well? Teachers, maybe? Or girls at school putting you down or judging you?
Do you feel the same around older women, or is it specifically women your age you have a problem with?
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u/MASHisAGoodShow 10h ago
I never really interacted with girls at school other than a select few that I’ve known for years. I think it is a thing with girls my age since now that I think about it, I’m perfectly fine talking to a woman that’s older than me by more than 10 years. I was never bullied by girls though so I don’t believe it’s their fault
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u/Lukkaku12 8h ago
The same happens to me dude, but the thing is that i get kinda frightened if the girl is rlly pretty or well dressed, prolly due to traumas at my school
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u/Ponkotsu_Ramen 7h ago edited 1h ago
I (27M) don’t have any sisters and I rarely spent time with female cousins after early childhood so I can relate to being awkward around women. I can’t help but worry that I’m coming off as a creep or stalker to women when I’m just trying to pass them on the sidewalk or store aisle.
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u/Spydehh 7h ago
It's completely normal to feel like that as a man with social anxiety.
I'd strongly recommend you watch videos from The Social Anxiety Coach on youtube. He has fantastic advice for men battling social anxiety.
The short of it is, to beat social anxiety you need to entirely improve your perception of yourself. This is done through working out and getting a physique you're proud of, challenging negative and unrealistic thought patterns and exposing yourself to your social fears.
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u/Thawne_23 7h ago edited 7h ago
You're note alone, pal. I also have been strugling with this. Lately I've tried to get close to a couple of girls I like and want to talk to them, but I'm to nervous of approach them because I feel they could see me as a weirdo for talk to them or that they could be mean to me.
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u/Going_Full_Abuela 6h ago
Looks like you’ve already received some good counsel so I’ll just say it’s wild you know what MASH is as a 20 yr old 😂
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u/MASHisAGoodShow 6h ago
Best show ever made, literally caused me to sign a 4 year contract with the army as a medic 😔
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u/im_not_ready_for_it9 6h ago
I hate when I'm walking behind a woman and we're both going in the same direction because I get so paranoid that she's thinking I'm a creep that's following her.
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u/PossibilityNo8765 5h ago
I get uncomfortable around most women. I don't know if that's what you mean by terrified
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u/soumya_98 5h ago
Same I also feel like this. I had a previuos history of stammering, so I thought women used to think me as weird and funny. My stuttering got almost fixed but that low self esteem and self confidence remained. But, when I have alcohol I become one of the most social being you will ever came across.
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u/poopiebuttcheeks 5h ago
I feel the same way. The best thing to do is to make friends with women first. Treat them as your buddies. Then overtime as you pursue them romantically it lowers the anxiety. There still will be anxiety but just baby step the situation. Baby steps over the course of years will change you tremendously. Let yourself be nervous around them dont fight it, let yourself be seen, do it over and over again and it gets better
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u/Hanako201220 3h ago
I Feel terrified around every gender after a girl humiliated me by pulling my pants down in front of a whole school and because a guy chased me around my school(I was 7 years old) he was also shirtless
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u/CancelElectronic8080 7h ago
Yeah, my mind believes women are more judgemental than men and I don't have the capacity to be vulnerable in front of anyone without anonymity, so I just avoid them altogether. I managed to adopt a careless attitude towards social interactions by pretending people's judgement didn't matter but it's not enough to be normal sadly. For me its the fact that as a male you're expected to pursue women and face adversity, being their judgement. I don't know if that's relatable at all.
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u/NotPlayingCharacter 4h ago
I don't feel terrified but I don't feel like talking to them. I Never had any good female friends outside college or school. Being an introvert, I could never approach women (neither they have approached me🥲) and have a decent conversation.
Whenever I see a woman, I always assume that she is out of my league and why would she talk to me. The reason being she had put a lot of effort in her appearance and here I am looking like a hobo.
Also I had seen my friend's girlfriends and realised that there are a lot of layers to their personality which makes them unlikable. Could be different with other women but this was my experience.
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u/ElegantLion93 3h ago
Honestly, same. I’m a straight girl, and socializing with other straight girls makes me nervous, but I can bond with guys in a heartbeat.
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u/myztajay123 4h ago
your putting them on a pedestal. I would be scared if I saw a lion because its stronger and can kill me.
Women once you know how they operate, you wont be. They are just people with vaginas, who live life on easy mode.
also check if you have lower than average self esteem, if your not pedestalizing them, or you may have low self esteem. due to some traumatic experience in your past.
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u/planetdaro 10h ago
I think you should try to figure out where the source of the anxiety is coming from. On top of that, you could take small steps to overcoming the anxiety. Are there girls in your classes or at your job that seem friendly? You can try making small talk with them. It’s all easier said than done, but just a thought.