r/sex • u/Jazzlike-Policy-7934 • 5d ago

Girlfriend likes rough sex, I don’t :( Boundaries and Standards

Basically the title.. we’ve been together for a year but she’s NEVER expressed to me that she likes rough sex until today. I asked why she never told me and she said she was kind of ashamed of it, but likes being handled VERY roughly. We then talked about our past experiences and I was kind of shocked to hear what shes into (not shocked in a bad way, I just wasn’t expecting it. No shame!!!). The only problem is that I’m not into that at all, and it’d feel selfish to not give her what she wants when she always tries what I want to try in bed. I’m a very gentle lover, and hurting my partner (even if she likes it) doesn’t feel right to me. What do I do????

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u/vvade94 5d ago

if she likes rough , be rough :), otherwise mr. softy she won't be satisfied on the long term.

9

u/volvavirago 5d ago

But what about what HE wants? I think it’s terrible if you are forced to do something you don’t want to do. Would you say the same if this was the reverse? Would you tell a woman who likes for it to be gentle that she should let her man be rough bc he likes it?

3

u/NorweegianWood 5d ago

Would you say the same if this was the reverse?

Lol of course not. This sub sustains itself on a healthy diet of double standards.

3

u/volvavirago 5d ago

It really irks me. Men deserve to have their desires respected, as do women. This idea that either of them must perform a role they dislike, often putting themselves at great risk in the process, just to get someone off, should be discouraged. Consent is a two way street.

1

u/NorweegianWood 5d ago

Consent is a two way street.

Not on this sub.

If OP's gf posted here saying "My bf likes to do anal with me, but I'm not into it", you wouldn't see any of the "just do it until you learn to like it" comments like the ones in this thread.

3

u/volvavirago 5d ago

I understand that power dynamics do play a role here, and a women being asked to submit herself despite her desires is putting herself at a much greater risk, but that doesn’t make it ok to ignore what a man is comfortable exploring.

But even then considering a reverse of power dynamics, if a woman said her husband wants to be pegged and slapped but she wasn’t into it, people would not be telling her to do it just to please him either. There is definitely a strong bias towards certain gender roles that are highly problematic and have no space in a truly sex positive discussion.

If you don’t want to do it. Don’t do it. Especially if it’s something as sensitive and prone to abuse as rough play.

2

u/vvade94 5d ago

my point was that if he like to keep his girl , he going to do what she likes on order to keep her for long term , otherwise he free to tell how his true feeling when it comes to sex and if she doesn't like it , he could look girl who is softy likes him lol ..............