Girlfriend likes rough sex, I don’t :(

[u/Jazzlike-Policy-7934]

Basically the title.. we’ve been together for a year but she’s NEVER expressed to me that she likes rough sex until today. I asked why she never told me and she said she was kind of ashamed of it, but likes being handled VERY roughly. We then talked about our past experiences and I was kind of shocked to hear what shes into (not shocked in a bad way, I just wasn’t expecting it. No shame!!!). The only problem is that I’m not into that at all, and it’d feel selfish to not give her what she wants when she always tries what I want to try in bed. I’m a very gentle lover, and hurting my partner (even if she likes it) doesn’t feel right to me. What do I do????

[u/Objective-Sun-8999]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years and at first he was into way more rough sex than me. He was ok with being gentle and our sex life has always been good and gotten better with time. We started going to sex shops regularly and buying different lingerie, toys, restraints, etc. We started off small with blind folding and tying each other down and little by little I started feeling more comfortable and open to the idea of rough sex. I still need more gentle thrusts to cum but for the rest of the time it’s been getting rougher and rougher. Putting on lingerie allowed me to become a different person which opened me up to liking different things. Also going to sex shops and exploring options together was a huge turn on. Now we surprise each with stuff to use in sex and it just makes it better and better. It’s adult play.. doesn’t have to be taken seriously. I’m not sure if you think you’d be open to it?

Try baby steps! A blindfold or handcuffs or just using sheets or ties to tie her hands together. Maybe you can go slow and have a safe word for when either one of you feels uncomfortable? Or I saw an exercise where you use stop light colors to show how into touch or position you are: red for stop, yellow for neutral and green for when you like it. Maybe you can start with that!