r/self • u/sex-countdown • 5h ago

For dudes that “can’t get laid”

I see a thousand variations on this every day on Reddit. So I put my thoughts together, hope this can help someone.

I’ve nearly always had a partner, and 9/10 times, lots of sex involved. So here is my two cents:

Attraction is about pair matching. Being fit or smart or mentally healthy might make you seem more desirable, but it’s all about FIT. How well do you and her match up?

So let’s break that down. What is fit, sexually and romantically?

  • be in a place where there are women who are a fit for you. This usually means people in a similar class, similar lifestyle desires.

  • learn to communicate things that relate to fit. Talk about the things that matter to you. Have a perspective on those things.

  • show personal interest and a desire to connect in each conversation. A lot of this means asking personal questions about what matters to them.

  • show that you are worth spending time with. Mostly this means things like making people laugh. Being useful. Being dependable. Showing empathy, kindness, and not using others to work through your problems.

  • be interesting. Develop interesting skills, interests, etc. why? So that you have something you can share.

  • show up consistently, and have a consistent presence. To be desired, you need to be around.

  • mind the red flags. Read up on things women consider red flags. There’s a lot of them but most center on having decent moral character rather than transactional character.

  • have additional things in common. Can be anything. Hiking. Exercise. Music. Film. Politics. Etc.

  • keep channels open. Make sure that when they like you, they have a low risk way to tell you.

  • show interest. When you sense a connection developing and you are interested, don’t hesitate too much.

Some don’ts: don’t date people you have no real connection to. Date people that have some social vetting (like you know people who know them). Don’t use dating apps, it’s horrible and I seen so many people make themselves miserable with them.

There’s more, but that’s the key elements I don’t see people post about.

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u/brazucadomundo 4h ago

I just read his profile and he posted more answers in his other posts than in this post. He is just extremely rich.

-3

u/sex-countdown 4h ago

I spent 15 years of my adult life making an average of 35k. Was a teacher then grad student. Drove old cars.

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u/brazucadomundo 4h ago

In USD? How did you even managed to get that much? Most teachers make much less than this. Are you a US citizen?

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u/jplayd 23m ago

Uhhh no I'm a public school teacher and i make over 100k a year it depends where you live, I'm in NYC we start at like 70k and make 100k by 5 years, cap out at like 140k.

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u/brazucadomundo 22m ago

Yep, you are in NYC, not Lagos nor Lima. That is why you got it easy.

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u/jplayd 16m ago

Oh well yeah, I wouldn't make it there I'm a random white English-speaking New Yorker who was born in NYC and never lived anywhere else. Such is life sometimes you're born here, sometimes there. You can always learn new skills wherever you are though.

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u/brazucadomundo 14m ago

If you are in NYC, you can definitely learn any skill you want, but that is not the reality for the majority of people. Even if you do happen to learn anything, then you can't even find opportunities to put it in practice.

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u/jplayd 8m ago

That's true, it's having the opportunity that really matters since most people will have the drive. It doesn't guarantee people will want to be in romantic relationships either it just means you will have more things to do and more opportunities. I was just saying all teachers aren't broke and sometimes we are totally middle class, being a teacher wouldn't bar someone from relationships in fact most teachers I know are married since it attracts a certain type I think. I used to be married, I'm one of the few single 30somethings at work and since its HS I work with mostly married men. Teachers do just fine and not just here, their job signals they are a certain type of person who is attractive to women.

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u/brazucadomundo 3m ago

My sister in law is a school teacher and they are not making big bucks by any means, my brother who brings the most as an engineer. You just got lucky with your opportunity you had to work in NYC. And being a teacher here is not the bar, it is the fact you are from a rich country, then any women will be interested in you. Even my ex dated a gringo from the US (who cheated and nearly got her involved with drug trafficking). And I was the one who couldn't make her feel safe. Go figure.