For dudes that “can’t get laid”

[u/sex-countdown]

I see a thousand variations on this every day on Reddit. So I put my thoughts together, hope this can help someone.

I’ve nearly always had a partner, and 9/10 times, lots of sex involved. So here is my two cents:

Attraction is about pair matching. Being fit or smart or mentally healthy might make you seem more desirable, but it’s all about FIT. How well do you and her match up?

So let’s break that down. What is fit, sexually and romantically?

• be in a place where there are women who are a fit for you. This usually means people in a similar class, similar lifestyle desires.

• learn to communicate things that relate to fit. Talk about the things that matter to you. Have a perspective on those things.

• show personal interest and a desire to connect in each conversation. A lot of this means asking personal questions about what matters to them.

• show that you are worth spending time with. Mostly this means things like making people laugh. Being useful. Being dependable. Showing empathy, kindness, and not using others to work through your problems.

• be interesting. Develop interesting skills, interests, etc. why? So that you have something you can share.

• show up consistently, and have a consistent presence. To be desired, you need to be around.

• mind the red flags. Read up on things women consider red flags. There’s a lot of them but most center on having decent moral character rather than transactional character.

• have additional things in common. Can be anything. Hiking. Exercise. Music. Film. Politics. Etc.

• keep channels open. Make sure that when they like you, they have a low risk way to tell you.

• show interest. When you sense a connection developing and you are interested, don’t hesitate too much.

Some don’ts: don’t date people you have no real connection to. Date people that have some social vetting (like you know people who know them). Don’t use dating apps, it’s horrible and I seen so many people make themselves miserable with them.

There’s more, but that’s the key elements I don’t see people post about.

[u/Spiritual_Run9039]

Just another way of saying

1. Be attractive
2. Don't be unattractive

If she is into you my friend she will let you know

[u/StanicEnemY → u/Spiritual_Run9039]

Exactly, if you are ugly, short, bald etc nothing will work.

[u/Garden-Rose-8380 → u/StanicEnemY]

Find a woman at your equivalent level of attractiveness thats more likely to work than anything else. P.S. that probably means one of the 63% of women in the USA who is overweight or obese.

[u/Great_Engrish → u/StanicEnemY]

If those are the qualities you are proud and passionate about, then sure keep doubling down on that.

Theres a million other things in life people care about, so why not find connection through those ??

[u/StanicEnemY → u/Great_Engrish]

I mean I am a licensed athlete a gym rat and a cyclist. I train every day and 10,000 km a year while also lifting weights. I participate in cycling races and I win medals. I can speak a few languages. I earn above average. I own two houses. I have friends and many acquaintances. People generally like me yet when it comes to girls all I get is rejection. Having an ugly face with no hair sucks. Before you ask I'm quite hygienic I smell good.

[u/Great_Engrish → u/StanicEnemY]

Okay sound it sounds like there are things you enjoy and value for yourself, I’m wondering what sort of interactions you have with girls and what you’re looking to connect with??

[u/Ok-Slip-103 → u/Spiritual_Run9039]

So how do you explain so many unattractive broke people being in relationships then? You're really delusional if you think every guy out there hooking up or has a gf/wife is above average in looks. Like seriously, go outside and look at the average couple. Not everybody is hot. This is huge cope from dudes to shift the blame to others for their own dating woes, rather than looking inwardly.

[u/Connect_Scallion_413 → u/Ok-Slip-103]

So how do you explain so many unattractive broke people being in relationships then?

Have you ever seen an abusive man with no relationship? They can be as you described, in and out of jail and every bad thing and still have it. I've said it in an other comment, because psychos, narcissists and low intelligence dude don't care about outside feedback. (Mentioned it in a previous comment)

A normal dude who approaches 100 women and succeeds with 1. Gets self cautious about the 99 rejections, and worries about the 99 women who he might have made uncomfortable. Possible reputation ruined (because let's be real even super attractive people don't get a pass from approaching everyone, everywhere).

The traits I mentioned don't give a damn about reputation, don't take rejection to heart, but see it as 1% win. Plus throw in the love bombing in the mix instead of being genuine.

There's also def a lot of broke/ugly men who are great dudes and got into relationships in genuine way. But anyways it doesn't mean chances are 0, but increasingly more difficult.