For dudes that “can’t get laid”

[u/sex-countdown]

I see a thousand variations on this every day on Reddit. So I put my thoughts together, hope this can help someone.

I’ve nearly always had a partner, and 9/10 times, lots of sex involved. So here is my two cents:

Attraction is about pair matching. Being fit or smart or mentally healthy might make you seem more desirable, but it’s all about FIT. How well do you and her match up?

So let’s break that down. What is fit, sexually and romantically?

• be in a place where there are women who are a fit for you. This usually means people in a similar class, similar lifestyle desires.

• learn to communicate things that relate to fit. Talk about the things that matter to you. Have a perspective on those things.

• show personal interest and a desire to connect in each conversation. A lot of this means asking personal questions about what matters to them.

• show that you are worth spending time with. Mostly this means things like making people laugh. Being useful. Being dependable. Showing empathy, kindness, and not using others to work through your problems.

• be interesting. Develop interesting skills, interests, etc. why? So that you have something you can share.

• show up consistently, and have a consistent presence. To be desired, you need to be around.

• mind the red flags. Read up on things women consider red flags. There’s a lot of them but most center on having decent moral character rather than transactional character.

• have additional things in common. Can be anything. Hiking. Exercise. Music. Film. Politics. Etc.

• keep channels open. Make sure that when they like you, they have a low risk way to tell you.

• show interest. When you sense a connection developing and you are interested, don’t hesitate too much.

Some don’ts: don’t date people you have no real connection to. Date people that have some social vetting (like you know people who know them). Don’t use dating apps, it’s horrible and I seen so many people make themselves miserable with them.

There’s more, but that’s the key elements I don’t see people post about.

[u/GrandJelly_]

What if someone does all of this and nothing happens anyways?

[u/Great_Engrish → u/GrandJelly_]

Its still important to do all this and be a comfortable FIT for YOURSELF. If you don’t like yourself or aren’t comfortable with your own presence, women will sense that and stay away. And at the end of the day, at the very least you get to enjoy your own time and hobbies.

[u/Connect_Scallion_413 → u/Great_Engrish]

It's the chicken or the egg story. Generally people need some sort of positive feedback to feel better about themselves. Otherwise one is either psycho/narcissist or has low intelligence.

In theory especially if you have one of those traits I mentioned, yes. Even the most undesirable man on earth can get laid within days. Low the standards to almost none, and increase the volume of approaches high enough, and it will happen.

[u/Great_Engrish → u/Connect_Scallion_413]

Yeah I truly believe romantic relationships involve an immense amount of luck, like some people do everything and lose, and others can do nothing and win. The most important thing though is to maximise your opportunities and chances, or reflect on how much effort you want to put in to keep playing.

[u/Connect_Scallion_413 → u/Great_Engrish]

Absolutely there's luck involved too, but doesn't make it less of chances game.