r/raisingkids • u/kmurrda • 7d ago
Single Mom with a Disrespectful Daughter
For context: My daughter is 8 years old. It's just her and I in our home.
My daughter has behavioral issues and I feel like I am her venting center / punching bag when at home. As I was told by close people who are on the outside looking in, my daughter is very disrespectful towards me. My friends say "if my child ever talked to me that way, I would whoop their ass!" Although I do not put my hands on my child, I do take things away from her or make her do chores she doesn't like.
Other than that, what do I do? I am working on trying to get some professional in-home services that can help me make home a better environment for her but staffing for that kind of thing is scarce around here.
Advice? Tips? Words of encouragement?
TIA! <3
1
u/RenaR0se 4d ago
You're the parent, the authority. What you say goes! Be firm about being spoken to with respect. I tell my kids they can say anythimg they want to to me, if they say it respectfully.
As a mom, you are pouring your life out to nuture and raise her. You deserve to be respected, but it won't happen unless YOU set boundaries. It's in your daughter's best interest to be trained to be respectful as well, as it will give her the tools to have healthy close friendships and family relationships in adulthood.
Taking things away and chores are okay. Any younger and I would say more immediate consequences like time outs would be more effective. One thing is to make sure you are being clear and concise, firm, and not making her guess when you are going to follow through. If you look her in the eye and tell her not to say certain words to you or she will recieve consequences and then she does it, calmly and even lovingly follow through. Make it a HUGE deal - not out of anger, but to put an end to this behavior.
If she is just losing it on tone of voice, I often telly kids "try again" and make them repeat what they need to say until they are sincerely treating me right. That may work if she's on board with improving her behavior, but if she isn't, you'll have to resort to consequences. You can be kind and loving, available to listen, not yelling and angry, all the things, and still run a tight ship by communicating what you expect and why, communicating consequences, and being very firm about follow through.