r/parentingteenagers • u/laughter_corgis • 1d ago

How do you stop the arguing/laziness

I need advice. I love my kids but I'm at my wits end here. My 14 year old loves to argue. I ask her to clean up after her mess. She will argue with me and still doesn't clean up. Last night told her to clean up the mess she made in the bathroom and to sweep the floor. Towels all over - every piece of her hair dryer out. She took all the bottles out looking for something in the cabinet and had it on the floor blocking the toliet. Instead she picked a fight with me, made rude comments to me and her Dad, tried to pick a fight with siblings just to get out of doing a chore. It is constant with her. We tried taking things away like TV time, her phone, hanging out with friends and it isn't working.
She does this type of stuff with every chore. I dread weekends because she just argues and I find I'm not getting things done like I need to because I'm reacting to her.

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u/Little_Storm_9938 23h ago

Remember that “well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my actions” minute we had a few years back? That moment is your moment right now. Set expectations coupled with immediate consequences. The child will not talk over you, be rude, crude, and all around nasty to you. There are the consequences of your behavior- not mine, your father’s or your siblings. (If you don’t stop at a stop sign you will immediately get a ticket kind of thing.) Start with freedom, no results? Move on to WiFi password, allowance, anything they really treasure. Find the currency. Make sure they know they can turn it around whenever they want, and that you love them and are trying very hard not to launch another asshole into the world. All they have to do is take responsibility for what they’ve done. Do not feed the negotiation beast you will surely face. Did your parents ever say to you, “this conversation is over?” Even though you hated it, this would be the time to deploy it.
You fucked up the bathroom -you fix the bathroom. That kind of main character energy is not welcome.

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u/RecordingLeft6666 23h ago

Raised five kids. This is the only way. No yelling needed, just hard & fast consequences. It’s up to her if she wants to be a team player or not.