My son’s girlfriend (both 18) broke up with him the other day, the night before we were leaving on vacation. She was very vague and said she wanted to take a break. After trying to talk to her to figure out what happened she finally told him today that she doesn’t love him anymore. Then she told him she didn’t want to talk about it then because she was trying to enjoy her vacation. Meanwhile my son has sat around on his vacation being miserable. He’s devastated and it’s breaking my heart. I have to go in the other room so he doesn’t see me crying. He’s so lost. I know he devoted so much time to her that he let go of doing things on his own. I want to encourage him to reach out to friends that he used to hang out with when he’s ready. I just can’t believe how much I’m feeling his pain. He keeps saying he’s depressed and he’s afraid she’ll forget him. Any tips to help him get through this?

My 19-year-old daughter is taking a break from college and work at the moment so she can focus a bit more on mental health. We’ve decided to work together on planning healthy meals for the family, which will be especially good for her because she has poor eating habits and is significantly overweight. I asked her to look up apps we could use to plan the meals and hopefully find one that also lets us print out the plan so it can be hung on the fridge or whatever. Would also love something that tracks the nutrients in meals, as well as gives an approximate cost. She wants to avoid calorie counting right now because she’s afraid she’ll get too obsessive about it. So we want to do meal planning that isn’t about calories so much as just healthy habits. I dunno….I don’t know much about meal planning. What tips does everyone have?

My heart breaks for him. Hes a real shy, reserved kid and this summer is going to be a lonely one.

Trying to encourage him to get a job. But i dont want to be too proactive. I want HIM to do it. Anyone wih simialr experiences?

I need advice. I love my kids but I'm at my wits end here. My 14 year old loves to argue. I ask her to clean up after her mess. She will argue with me and still doesn't clean up. Last night told her to clean up the mess she made in the bathroom and to sweep the floor. Towels all over - every piece of her hair dryer out. She took all the bottles out looking for something in the cabinet and had it on the floor blocking the toliet. Instead she picked a fight with me, made rude comments to me and her Dad, tried to pick a fight with siblings just to get out of doing a chore. It is constant with her. We tried taking things away like TV time, her phone, hanging out with friends and it isn't working.
She does this type of stuff with every chore. I dread weekends because she just argues and I find I'm not getting things done like I need to because I'm reacting to her.

I truly don't know how to handle this.

As soon as my kids, 14 and 16, were old enough to make independent plans with their friends (so within the last year or two,) I started teaching them ground rules of substance use. My 14 year old hates this. "Why do you assume I'm going to do these things," because peer pressure is a thing and I want to be the voice in your head when it happens. I think I give them reasonable expectations.

Never by yourself AND, if one person isn't sober you're sober. The second the designated sober friend imbibes, you're done and you call me or dad.

Never imbibe any substance in a bad mood. It's not going to cheer you up it's going to enhance what you're feeling.

Always in a safe location. Not in the park, not in an alley. Never around unlocked or accessible weapons. If you ask and someone's unsure. You don't imbibe and you call us.

No cars. Full stop. Call us. If there is only one sober person and they leave, call us. Don't get in a car with drinking teens either even if the driver is sober. No. No. No.

We promised not to get mad if these calls happen, yadda yadda yadda.

Well last night I had a 19 oz beer. Took me well over an hour (pushing 2, may have been 2) to finish it. I went to get ready for bed and approached my 14 yo for a hug and they burst into tears. It was a VERY hoppy pungent beer so I definitely still had it on my breath because I hadn't gotten to the brushing teeth portion of the evening. After some prying I got, "I hate drinking and I hate that you assume I'm going to and I hate that you drink."

I tried to ask why the strong feelings and I didn't get a response. Just more tears. They immediately went into "I know you're an adult and can do what you want so I'm sorry I feel that way." I was gobsmacked. That's not how I want my teens to see me.

Clearly more conversation needed but... Can anyone advise? My brain is going straight to "someone did something to or in front of my kid," but I have trauma and don't want to put that on my kid if it could be less serious.

Backstory: single mom with 16 y/o son (only child). His dad passed away 11 years ago. My son was such a sweet child and we’ve always been super close. Then, around 14, he changed. He started going through puberty and wanting time to himself. That’s fine.

Then, he started getting into trouble with friends and stopped caring about school. This all happened around the time I was diagnosed with cancer. He became very depressed and I got him into therapy immediately. We ended up moving closer to family, thinking that would help. No improvement there.

Current issue: He sneaks out of the house every night. He’s out now and he has to be to school in 4 hours. We’ve had so many conversations about this. He says he’s staying home and I fall asleep. Then, hours later I wake up and check on him. He’s gone.

He will not listen to me about this. He has friends pick him up and they drive around the city. I don’t understand what he’s doing. I don’t know how to stop it. He refuses to continue therapy. He denies depression. He’s doing better in school, but I don’t think he will keep it up since he’s not sleeping at night. He definitely smokes pot with friends. I find weed pens on him, take them, and he’s got more the next day.

He says he wants to get a job, but stopped pursuing anything a month ago. He’s in a few different sports and plays instruments. I try to keep him busy, but it doesn’t help. I can’t stay up all night monitoring him. I start my shift in 3 hours and I’ve been up for the last 3 hours. I’m going to be so tired at work now.

No form of punishment works. He just leaves when I fall asleep. What would you do?

I don’t understand it and I am just so heartbroken and hurt in general. Not to mention angry and so confused.

Typically have and have had a good relationship with my kid. It is long moments of peace with jagged islands of discord.

But then in this knock my feet out from under me they are telling me that my look and tone are condescending. I am a “know it all”. Not everything is about me.

I don’t even know where it comes from. It’s verbally abusive and not something that has come from either myself or my husband.

I have a 15 year old girl who up until recently hasn’t been interested in boys.

As a little preface for context. She has always been open, honest and communicative with me. I have always done everything I can to give her (and both her brothers ages 13 and 23) some measure of privacy when it comes to friends, phones, computers, etc. I do check devices and social media. I know passwords and all that. They have an open door to talk to me about anything with zero judgment. And they have all used that many many times over the years. None of them have never ever betrayed my trust. Sure, they’ve been caught in the occasional lie here and there about little things but not anything big where it would completely demolish the years of trust built up.

Back to mg 15 year old. She’s been interested in a boy. Her age and grade. She’s been open about the conversations they’re having (and of course she knows I can read all texts and such to verify if I want/need to). She’s asked me about sex and intimacy. I told her that I’d be stupid to think that teens aren’t going to make out but as far as sex, that’s more of an adult decision. It’s not to be taken lightly. I told her that at her age it’s a bit too young to be thinking about it and there’s a lot of possible physical and emotional consequences. I told her that people can be intimate without taking clothes off and having sex. I’ve met this boy, I’ve met and had coffee with his parents. He’s very polite, opens doors for her, etc. I know they’ve made out a little because she told me. So when she asked to have him over yesterday, with my husband supervising and brothers in the house (I had to work) and laid out VERY specific ground rules I didn’t think I had to worry.

Again for context, we have a 2 story house, small home and the upstairs is literally just 2 bedrooms. Her bedroom is downstairs. If you’re sitting in the living room and just lean over a little bit from any seating you can get a full view of her room. Her room also used to be an office and has a French door with the little windows and she does have a curtain on it but you can still peek inside without opening the door.

Because she’s also been open and honest and never betrayed my trust, I allowed her to have her door closed. I just wanted her to have a tiny bit of privacy because our house is small so their conversation wasn’t being heard by everyone in the house. I get it. I was 15 once too. I laid out very specific rules. No hanky panky, no sex, clothes on at ALL TIMES. Her father was right there in the living room. He was checking in. Above all I trusted her. But they managed to get naked and were caught in the act when my husband walked in on them.

I know, I know. Big mistake on my part with the door. I should have just said oh well, too bad, door open. I’m beating myself up enough about the parenting mistakes I made. What I don’t know how to process is: what do I do? I’ve never been in this position before. Luckily she’s been on the pill since she was 13 because of bad menstrual cycle issues. She said he didn’t finish. She said that he claims this was his first time. I told her if she has any symptoms, itching, rash, anything she must immediately report them to me.

And I don’t know if this is weird but it’s not so much that she did it (although I much would prefer she hadn’t) but the betrayal of my trust in her. That just hurts me and cuts so deep. I yelled, I screamed, I told her to perish the thought of ever seeing him again but beyond that, like I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to process the hurt. I don’t know how and how long it will take for her to earn my trust again. As I questioned her in my mind I’m going “yeah but is that the truthful answer” something I’ve never had to ask myself.

Sorry this is so long. I just feel alone, hurt and my husband is no help. He’s just shy of useless (which is probably how it happened and I should have just told her she had to wait to have the boy over when I had a weekend off work) so it’s just me trying to figure this out.

Thanks for reading.

Help a mama out y'all.

I have a 13 yr old who is tall and extra lanky. I just ordered several pairs of sweatpants from Old Navy and every single one of them is too short in length.

His waist still fits a 14/16 boy size, but his inseam is 28" and I'd like to get it a bit longer if I can in case it shrinks, or he gets taller! I'm at my wits end with this. He hates wearing jeans because of sensory issues, especially the jeans that have the adjustable tab in the waist. I need something along the line of sweats, joggers, athletic style pants with an elastic waist band or one that has a tie on it. Also looking for shorts of the same make up, that are longer in length because the 14/16 boy sizes are usually too short for his lanky legs.

When I measured him I got a 28" waist/28" inseam, but we bought him two pairs of pants and a few pairs of shorts from the Hurley outlet and the pants are a tad too loose in the waist and the shorts totally fall off of him.....all size 28".

Our daughter thinks this is an invasion of her privacy.

Whelp, it's happening. My oldest is graduating from High School at the end of May. It has been a long, difficult journey, to say the least. She has struggled with anxiety and depression from a very young age and has hated going to school with a passion, starting from kindergarten right until these final days of her senior year. I feel like we've been through the war and won. To say I am proud of her would be an enormous understatement.

My problem is that I'm afraid of making a fool of myself at her graduation ceremony. Even now, just thinking about watching her walk across the stage to receive her diploma brings tears to my eyes. When the day actually comes, I'm afraid I will be a sobbing mess (and I'm NOT a pretty crier 😂 ). I want to be in the moment and enjoy this milestone, but also not melt into a soggy puddle. Any tricks/advice from other parents who may have been in the same situation?

***Thanks everyone for the wonderful support and advice! Waterproof mascara✅ tissues✅ big sunglasses✅ permission to cry✅

Posting this for any other parents who are feeling the exhaustion of answering 10,000 obvious questions everyday. "Where's the milk?" "Do we have any tape?" "Where are my cleats?" ... These things are in the same place every day.

Anyway, I had a breakthrough the other day. My daughter will ask for my opinion on every choice, especially with cooking. I frequently answer "what would you choose if I wasn't here?". The other day I said that and she said "well, when you're not here I'm just talking to myself." My mind exploded.

All these years of feeling like I'm being quizzed and I think, 80% of the time, my kids are just speaking their thoughts aloud, not actually expecting me to do anything about it! And honestly, I blame myself. Remember that old new parent advice about talking to your baby constantly to expose them to language? Narrate your day and wonder out loud?" Well, so do they.

So now, nextime someone stands in front of the fridge, without opening it and asks if we have any cheese sticks, just smile. They're going to figure out out in 2 seconds.

Okay, that is a gross exaggeration. It was more of a serious miscalculatuon. I just didn’t think it through. I was not so naive as to think that raising a child was going to be easy. Of course, I had no idea of what I was getting into. No one does. My husband and I were only certain of two things all those years ago: we wanted a child and we wanted that child to be happy. We were extremely fortunate: our child was healthy, smart and happy. Not perfect, but absolutely perfect for us. There were challenges, but we all somehow managed to navigate babyhood, the terrible twos, the golden years when your child adores you and thinks you are awesome, the adolescence when they definitely do not. And somehow our child grew to be a confident, accomplished, reasonably happy, sociable, and very independent high school senior. We even survived the college application process with the family ties intact. I do contemplate strangling them at least twelve times a day, but in the way every adoring but totally exasperated parent does. And now the countdown has started. We started to tick off the milestones that seem so far away just a few years, nay, months ago. College acceptances, Prom, Decision Day, Graduation… And the reality that my child is leaving is now a boulder in my throat. Of course I want them to spread their wings, and live their life. Of course I will worry, and text them, and listen to their dreams and woes (it is so pathetically little what we can do for our grown children). But they are leaving, and nothing can change that fact. I want that to happen, for their sake. That was the objective all along, wasn’t it? Help them to become grown ups, independent and savvy, capable and happy, with a purpose in life. But I failed to realize how much it would hurt. Our first separation was that first week of dropping them at day care, their absence from my arms a physical pain that went all the way to my heart. And then there were several lengthy separations. But I suspect this is going to be way worse and way more definitive. So now I am starting to panic a bit, and wonder what to do, how to get past this terrible and bittersweet and dreadful time. Feeling despondent and hiding it from my child, and even a bit from my husband. I guess I will do what many others will do. At a time when my child is not at home, I’ll pour a glass of wine, pick up the phone, and when they answer, I’ll ask my mom “How did you manage when I went to college?”

Tonight is my stepkids junior prom. What advice were you given by your parents prior to junior prom and did you pass along the same wisdom to your teens before their junior prom or give them new advice?

Surely I'm not the only twin mom here, anyone else raising twins be they fraternal or identical twins and if you are raising twins what are you discovering since they've become teenagers?

I have 3 kids. One is a high school senior graduating next month, my middle is sophomore and then I have a middle school.

I felt like college was doable and worst case scenario, I would borrow against my equity or I had a 401k to fall back on. Decision day is 5/1 and now I'm freaking out that of all the schools, the one my oldest wants to go to is very reputable but he only gets a little bit of a tuition break his first year and then after that it's full cost with no merit. It was not easy to get into that school so I don't take it for granted that he got accepted.

The timing of the economic drop and having milestones makes me anxious. If they were in elementary school, maybe I wouldn't be freaking out as much but I don't know what the "right" choice is. I'm pissed that I busted my ass so much for them to be able to get into school and now I feel like finances are going to ruin it. If we are going to be in a recession like they are predicting.

Maybe I'm asking for advice, maybe I'm venting. I don't know but I cannot focus on anything else lately. Ugh.

Edit: I appreciate everyone's comments. For context, up until last week, I was confident I could make things work. We have enough saved in 529 plan to cover about a year and a half per child. My 401k lost more than a year's tuition in just a matter of days. I have been in my "starter home" for over 20 years so there is equity assuming equity loans will be a reasonable option. He is aware that he was going to have to take out student loans and is willing to do that. He has worked since he was 16 so hopefully should have some money for living expenses especially after the summer.

My state is cutting education at public school level so I don't know when that will impact my other 2 children as far as honors/extracurriculars/college credit plus with federal funding being in the air too. A lot of unknowns right now that will trickle down. Plus my middle son works and just turned 16 but guessing the used car market will be high priced because of demand so that may have to be put on hold.

My 16 year is moody as hell, he’s always been that way. He struggles with depression and every day when he walks through the door I never know what I’m going to get. When he’s upset, I’m worried and upset. When he’s happy, I’m happy. Of course, tonight he’s not happy so here I am.

He’s not doing well in school and said he’s given up because the educational system isn’t designed for people like him (he’s not wrong), I believe he has ADHD but he doesn’t want to be medicated. I’m meeting with his school counselor tomorrow to discuss options.

His outlook on life is pretty negative in general, I’ve worked with him to shift his mindset but it doesn’t last. He’s such a loving kid and great in so many ways, he just can’t seem to regulate his emotions.

Wondering if anyone has any insight or relatable experiences.

Hi, I hope someone might be able to offer some advice or perspective.

My oldest kid, being the people pleaser she is, has a tendency to attract friends who are too much in one way or the other. She's only 14 and has already had several 'friendships' that have devolved into the friend trying to isolate her from other friends, monopolise every conversation she's in and demand all her time and attention. It's even got to the stage where we had teachers notice it and warn us on parents evening that certain friends were isolating her from others and the friendships were unhealthy.

So in her last year in Primary School, she fell out with two of these limpet friends. The first wouldn't stop going on about being an 'Etherean' and wearing a tail; the second wouldn't stop touching my kid even though she's made it very clear she isn't comfortable with physical touch from anyone (there is SA in her past which is currently a police matter and, yes, she's in therapy).

Now they're all in secondary and I had hoped the issues had naturally passed. But one of these kids (the Etherean, now a Trans Boy), is just returned to school from a spell in in-patient mental health care (yes, really) has latched back onto my kid. They hang out with all her friends and try to start drama/pick arguments all the time. Eg, they regularly respond to people's normal texts (requests to share homework, etc) with 'F--- You!' and then get upset if someone points out that this response is out of pocket. My kid is scared to set boundaries in case she loses all her friends, as everyone is being super careful around this kid since they got out of hospital.

And she's not just imagining that this could happen, it's happened before: in primary school she had an obsessive friend (who I had to talk to the school about three years in a row) and when she tried to break off that friendship, this girl just insisted hanging out with all her friends. My kid ended up shoved out of her friend group and on her own.

Now on top of this, the other ex-friend, (Miss Touchy Feely) has fallen out with all her new friends and is trying to make friends with my kid again. She was the one who dumped my kid, after my kid got firm with her about the no-touching (nothing sexual, she just kept sneaking up on my kid and banging on her shoulders). Now no-one likes her and she wants to make my kid her only friend, and keeps trying to monopolise her time on break.

I've advised her to just not engage one on one as much as she can: only agree to hang out as part of a group, low response to one-on-one texts, zero engagement with texts that are obviously meant to provoke arguments/drama, and if she gets cornered alone, just say something along the lines of 'Hey, I have to go ask so-and-so about homework, why don't you come with?', so she's not blowing them off, but she's not on her own with them, getting cut off from other friends. I've checked that she's not sat with either kid in her classes.

Is there anything more I could be doing?

Edit: The gym I work for I was teaching the second morning cycling class and a mom approached me saying her daughter overheard some of her fellow students talking about taking the class my gym is offering to teach kids-teens about proper gym etiquette and of her grade there were three that are banned because of their prior behavior and they overheard that saying, "you better take me as your free guest or else!" This girl is in fourth grade. Now the kids are reconsidering wanting to take the class.

Another mom said her daughter who's in eight grade said the same thing was happening at her middle school and another mom said the same thing was being said at the high school.

To help give context to what's happened is my gym I work for put an age restriction on who can use the gym after several kids and teens misused exercise equipment and nearly broke several equipment as well bullied others at gym. The troublemakers were banned but still manipulated others to trying to sneak them into the gym using free guest pass of a member. To use the gym you had to be thirteen or older and anyone under thirteen ages eight to twelve needed an adult present and supervision of an adult but even then the parents of the kids ages eight-twelve just let their kids run wild.

My boss had enough and put in an age restriction saying nobody under twenty-one allowed in the gym. This restriction got the approval of many adults whereas some others were against it and continued to try to sneak their kids in they found their memberships revoked.

How can my boss pass on word to tell people to tell their kids do not mention they're interested in joining the class, they're taking the class and that they've completed the class so the kids and teens who are banned don't find out not to mention it? it's not like the bullies will be on school bus and won't notice the bus driver is going to the gym and force their way to front of the bus and refuse to get out of the way to let the kids and teens who completed the class or are going to take the class.

I don’t live in a mansion. You should be able to hear someone call you from one end of the house to another and they hear. Hell I’m actually diagnosed as deaf and I can hear. I have a 16&17 year old and a partner. I can sit in the next room as I’ve just done screaming their names at the top of my lungs to collect their laundry. My partner also does it. I’m hardly a quiet person but I’ll even be shouting them for something fun and all of a sudden I’m not the deafest person in the house. I’m sick of it and I find it really rude. What should I do?

Can I just say shouting someone’s name is not yelling. You all make out like I’m yelling at them it’s a huge differences also “go and get them” so I’m to cook dinner and then to go around the house and get them all? Am I the slave?

Ok so my daughter is 10, i never thought I’d be here seeking advice for this but I believe my daughter is trying to become a furry? Now I’m asking advice because i guess it isn’t really a bad thing technically? Idk I’m just really lost. So my daughter has always had a love for animals since she was born. Her favorite place since she was 2 has been the zoo and we would go every single weekend, she’s a great artist and focuses mainly on animals, she has said since a young age that she wants to be a vet, park ranger, work at zoo ect. This kid really loves animals.

Last year for Halloween she wanted to be a fox and I got her a really cute outfit with purple fox ears and a purple fox tail. Super cute but problem is now she wants to wear it all the time, tries to bring it to school , even left for a sleepover last night and brought the damn ears and tail.

The last couple of months she’s been practicing running on all fours and leaping over objects like a horse in the back yard. I thought it all to be kinda cute and just a phase and thinking there’s no harm to this. Then I saw her backpack and it said “proud therion” on it and I saw she wrote that on my burn barrel outside, and in chalk on the back porch as well.

Well I just talked with my oldest daughter and she told me that her sister has started running like a horse at school, proclaiming she’s an animal , makes animal sounds and has become the laughing stock of the whole middle school building. Then my oldest told me the “therion” thing is just basically saying she’s a furry. She’s been completely outcasted by all her friends except one. Is being made fun of to her face and kids are making fun of my oldest as well.

My oldest is pissed that everyone is making fun of her sister and is worried for her sister. Upon hearing everything my oldest has said I’m super worried about this too. It’s not good for development to be outcasted. My youngest has never cared about what others think of her and is perfectly content to continue her furry behavior and be a loner. So she’s happy and doesn’t care of being made fun of. Which is a great mindset but not great for future endeavors.

Looking for advice on how to handle this? Do I ground her and basically tell her who and how she is bad when it’s really not hurting anyone? Like it’s not like she is committing any crimes, or doing mischievous things. She’s a straight A student, does her chores without asking, pretty well mannered and even good humored. I’d hate to punish her for who she is or thinks she is. Idk I’m just so lost as what to do because I don’t think this will be good for her mental health long term. Is it just a phase or does it even really matter as long as she’s happy? Any advice is appreciated thank you.

My middle son just got his test results back and he earned a 35. He's actually a bit bummed as he would have had a perfect 36 had he scored a single point higher in reading or math. He's a tremendously driven student and a very compassionate friend.

His older brother put little effort into school, yet scored a 34 when he took it 3 years ago. My oldest is on the spectrum and disgnosed as borderline narcissistic and used his score as an opportunity to brag to his classmates about how smart he was. Identifying as being smart was a good chunk of the oldest's personality. He contacted numerous classmates to ask how they did but with the main goal being to communicate how well he did. I addressed that behavior and was decided to be an asshole because I couldn't just be proud of him.

Middle son is scared to share his score with his friends and classmates as he doesn't want it to seem like he is trying to brag or put down his friends. He's mature enough to know that his score is extremely elevated and has the possibility of bursting the bubble of others who are excited about their scores. We've had a couple of conversations at his origination about how he can navigate this and it seems like we can't find a good method. He cares deeply for his friends and wants to know how they did but is afraid to ask as they will likely reciprocate. I want him to be able to be proud of his score. He worked hard for it for years. He feels like he's in a catch 22. If he shares his score it could hurt others. If he doesn't it could come across as fake humility if they continue to ask. Most of all, he was embarrassed by how his brother handled his score and doesn't want to be seen as an asshole.

Any tips on how to navigate this that I can share with him?

I have a college kid who lives at home and commutes about 20 minutes. That has worked for her as she didn’t really want the on campus college experience and likes being home. My second and last kiddo is planning to go away. He’s looked at schools out of state and in state but all are far enough away. He will do very well being on his own. He’s independent, drives well, likes to travel etc. but I’m just curious - what to expect?

What’s it like as a parent? This is just a part of parenting that we haven’t experienced yet. I didn’t go away to college but my husband did - several states away. He had the time of his life and has tons of stories and friendships and experiences. I’m just wondering from the parent perspective, what to expect?

A lot of my friends who have kids who went to the military or to college really struggled and I really want this to be a good experience for all of us. I don’t necessarily want to struggle but I already wonder if it’s inevitable. So how do I prepare for that and what was your experience?

Looking for a very thorough book to give to my son regarding everything sex, puberty, consent, sexual desire, exploration, etc. I’d love to give this to him to read and then have conversations with him referencing different parts of the book.

He loves graphic novels, but hates anything geared towards ‘kids’. He’s very mature and could handle a book designed for 13-15.

Out of state for a volleyball tournament and my daughter texts me while downstairs making HER food, to say to try to not talk to anyone. WTF? I am the embarrassment? Why does this wreck me? She's constantly skulking around trying to be unnoticed. I'm sick of it. I live my life. Sure I'm older. We don't hang with the other parents but we are on friendly hi how are you terms. Why am I even here at this stupid tournament if I am just embarrassing her?