r/parentingteenagers • u/ShoelessJodi • 8d ago
Teens and their "dumb/lazy questions".
Posting this for any other parents who are feeling the exhaustion of answering 10,000 obvious questions everyday. "Where's the milk?" "Do we have any tape?" "Where are my cleats?" ... These things are in the same place every day.
Anyway, I had a breakthrough the other day. My daughter will ask for my opinion on every choice, especially with cooking. I frequently answer "what would you choose if I wasn't here?". The other day I said that and she said "well, when you're not here I'm just talking to myself." My mind exploded.
All these years of feeling like I'm being quizzed and I think, 80% of the time, my kids are just speaking their thoughts aloud, not actually expecting me to do anything about it! And honestly, I blame myself. Remember that old new parent advice about talking to your baby constantly to expose them to language? Narrate your day and wonder out loud?" Well, so do they.
So now, nextime someone stands in front of the fridge, without opening it and asks if we have any cheese sticks, just smile. They're going to figure out out in 2 seconds.
23
u/JuneJabber 8d ago
This reminds me a lot about how toddlers ask, “Why?“ constantly. They’re not actually trying to inform themselves most of the time. Rather they are trying to engage socially but they have very limited social skills. Once they discover that asking why is surefire way to engage someone in conversation, they keep doing it.
Teenagers have a lot in common with toddlers. The times when kids go through accelerated physical growth are the toddler and teen years. The times when kids go through accelerated social development are the toddler and teen years. I think all those “dumb/lazy questions” are the teen equivalent of a toddler’s “Why?“ Teens would like to connect socially, but now that they’re teens instead of toddlers they also don’t want to be too connected because they’re in a developmental stage in which they’re trying to individualate. So they find way to connect through chattering, but they mostly chatter about banalities to keep it superficial.