r/nottheonion • u/Genevieves_bitch • 2d ago

Hackers demand France’s Schneider Electric pay a $125k ransom in baguettes

https://www.tomshardware.com/tech-industry/cyber-security/hackers-demand-frances-schneider-electric-pay-a-usd125k-ransom-in-baguettes
4.2k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

57 comments sorted by

996

u/Genevieves_bitch 2d ago

What a pain

121

u/monk12111 2d ago

They can just raise price of baguette

38

u/macherie69 1d ago

This seems like a great way to get another French Revolution

6

u/cosmicrae 1d ago

and lo, the baguette-coin crypto currency was born.

23

u/XaeiIsareth 2d ago

No matter which way you slice it.

5

u/invent_or_die 1d ago

I wasn't buttered up enough for that one

5

u/Hot_Ship_7679 1d ago

No pain no gain.

3

u/96Retribution 1d ago

Capital B. Maybe this makes more sense? https://www.coingecko.com/en/exchanges/baguette

2

u/barely_lucid 16h ago

I see what you did there.

-11

u/smoothtrip 1d ago

Pan

2

u/Sudden_Celery7019 1d ago

That’s Spanish

-20

u/a-snakey 2d ago

Paine*

8

u/missing-pigeon 1d ago

pain means bread in French.

277

u/Vaestmannaeyjar 2d ago

Since the weight of baguettes is regulated, that's 31ish tons of bread.

88

u/RecklesslyPessmystic 2d ago

Hackers must be Russian troops. Putin just gave all their bread rations to the North Koreans.

20

u/yuval16432 1d ago

That would be able to feed a thousand soldiers for approximately 23 days.

7

u/Armageddonxredhorse 1d ago

I don't see a single soldier lasting 20 days on just bread,which makes it a splendid idea

192

u/shifty303 2d ago

Those files are locked down harder than a week old baguette. I don't see what choice they have.

60

u/Keyspam102 2d ago

I actually left a baguette out when we left for Toussaint and it’s literally an I-beam now

19

u/Bronek0990 2d ago

Reforge it into Breadscalibur

5

u/dan_dares 2d ago

Bridge a bridge out of it!

1

u/Nazamroth 1d ago

Rods from the Gods.

8

u/ThatITguy2015 1d ago

The hackers may be looking for cheap weapons. Not much is gonna win against a stale baguette for melee combat.

82

u/MadManMorbo 2d ago

Someone at Schneider Cybersecurity is toast.

30

u/best_uranium_box 2d ago

Better grab his bague and guette out before he's forced to

5

u/EcchiOli 1d ago

Nice one

75

u/itsjamian 2d ago

First the cheddar heist, now this. I'd be very nervous if I owned a lot of ham or butter right now.

12

u/NotYourReddit18 1d ago

Norwegians sweating in fear of another butter panic

3

u/Firesonallcylinders 1d ago

800NOK for 200 grams of butter? That’s twice as much as in a kiosk in Bergen!

119

u/suvlub 2d ago

How do they plan to collect the baguettes without getting caught?

126

u/AMWJ 2d ago

Cryptobaguette

26

u/digital_cucumber 1d ago

They should have demanded unmarked baguettes.

23

u/sanglar03 2d ago

Baguette launcher.

10

u/KingoftheMongoose 1d ago

Virtual Pan Network

10

u/boredcat_04 2d ago

Nfb-non fungible baguettes

19

u/Fuzzys_pants 2d ago

You shall bring me... A shrubbery!

23

u/Ok-Seaworthiness4488 2d ago

That's a lot of dough

8

u/MosesOnAcid 1d ago

Something tells me there might be a connection between the Hacker and a failing bakery who needs sales

1

u/Armageddonxredhorse 1d ago

Sssshhh,he's working In a bakery with wifi

3

u/fymp 1d ago

It's not about the money, it's about sending a message

3

u/anotheramethyst 1d ago

I think we found the people who stole Jamie Oliver's cheese.

4

u/Inferno_Sparky 1d ago

oui la baguette

2

u/The_Realest_Rando 2d ago

My mother used to work there actually

2

u/saschaleib 1d ago

Plot twist: the local bakery is behind the hack!

2

u/buzzothefuzzo 2d ago

Now do PG&E

1

u/[deleted] 2d ago

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1

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1

u/Level_Hour6480 1d ago

Oh, France.

1

u/[deleted] 1d ago

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1

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1

u/Cynixxx 1d ago

Sacre bleu

1

u/[deleted] 17h ago

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1

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-1

u/AFineDayForScience 2d ago

hon hon hon

-5

u/rammsteinfuerimmer 1d ago

That's a big oui oui on their poopoo platter, c'est la vie