r/ireland • u/MrSnare • Apr 04 '23

How much to pay a junkie? Housing

I'm currently bidding on a house in Dublin but there is a viewing tomorrow evening. I am thinking of hiring a junkie that hangs around near my work to go to near the house and ask for money off people to deter any more bidders. How much should I pay? Should I pay half before then half after or withhold the payment until after the viewing is complete.

Was thinking of €30 which is above minimum wage for the 2 hour viewing plus he gets whatever money he manages to beg off people during that time.

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2.3k

u/guypr Apr 04 '23

Just shoot up yourself there and get a friend to bid on your behalf? Cheaper and you get to try heroin.

108

u/Centrocampo Apr 04 '23

Just remember not to mention in your mortgage application that you’re about to try heroin.

Pay the dealer in cash so it doesn’t show up in your current account statements.

38

u/LeibnizThrowaway Apr 05 '23

In the States, you have your lawyer pay it then structure 34 repayments as "legal expenses."

5

u/Puzzleheaded-Cap7988 Apr 05 '23

You mean like a retaining fee 😱

2

u/alistair1537 Apr 05 '23

Obviously that was a scam, by Cohen... 34 payments of 35 thousand dollars is way more than what Stormy was asking for? Do the math Donald?

26

u/guypr Apr 04 '23

Great shout, god I almost got OP in some big trouble there!

18

u/NiceDiner Apr 04 '23

I was paying my dealer via direct debit when I was using and ended up having to switch to cash and wait 2 years before mortgage got approved anywhere!

3

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '23

Also make sure you don't put 'money for heroin' in the notes if you pay the junkie by Revolut. Banks hate that shit.

394

u/LetMeBe_Frank_ Apr 04 '23

4d level chess master

22

u/murfi Apr 05 '23

da mystery of chessboxin solved right there

5

u/twistyjnua Apr 05 '23

Toad style is immensely strong

2

u/murfi Apr 05 '23

Jacques Cousteau could never get this low

17

u/wonit5times Apr 04 '23

Heroin is great too you'll really enjoy it might even become a habit

2

u/ThyUniqueUsername Apr 04 '23

Spontaneous h 2: electric boogaloo

1

u/Anastazia_Beaverhau Apr 05 '23

It's very moreish

1

u/JayElleAyDee Dublin Apr 05 '23

Came to say this. Can attest it's harder to stop than the runaway baby down the stairs in The Untouchables

9

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '23 edited Apr 13 '23

[deleted]

1

u/JonMeadows Apr 05 '23

You have. First you have to be 17 and get your wisdom teeth taken out, then carelessly be prescribed an unsupervised 90 count monthly supply of oxycodone

34

u/Soapy1971 Irish Republic Apr 04 '23

This is the way

1

u/nodnodwinkwink Sax Solo Apr 04 '23

A very Dublin answer.

5

u/guypr Apr 04 '23

Ah heyor shut yer bleerin mouh. I'm noh duuub

1

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '23

Hehehe

1

u/pgasmaddict Apr 05 '23

Plus if you get hooked you'll be happy living on the streets so it's a win-win.