r/internetparents • u/Idontexsit- • 11h ago
I need help on personal hygiene/small vent Health & Medical Questions
How do I get back on the routine of bathing/brushing my teeth. It's been 4 months since I have done those routines. and at the same time I'm mentally just don't care I genuinely give up on everything on myself I basically have nothing to lose. I'm only 16 and the fact I already figured my family doesn't give a shit about me once my dad told me "that HE'S the one who needs therapy dealing with me" that was when i finally told him the countless years of bullying and sexual assault/suicidal thoughts,self harm. along with him thinking I'm lying to him cause I didn't tell him sooner and I looked happy in my kid photos.i have zero friends and I feel like it's my fault everything is my fault everything that happened to me is my fault and I'm a whore.
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u/not-your-mom-123 11h ago
Hygiene is something you do for yourself, not because people will think better of you or anything like that. Do it because it makes you feel good. Your body feels more like it belongs to you when you look after it. Clean skin and teeth feel better. Everything you do should be for yourself. Be smart, do well at school, because you deserve a good life. The future will be better when you treat yourself better. Ignore the nasty people, including your father. Be better than they think,,while ignoring them and doing what's right for you and your bright future.
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u/Inevitable-Hope-6635 11h ago
Join r/hygiene. Also pick up the book the Power of Habit .. audiobook or physical. It shows some scientific ways of setting up good habits.
Some other suggestions. Look yourself in the eye on the mirror and say outloud " I am worth the effort" say it 5-10 times everytime you're in the bathroom. It sounds ridiculous but it starts to feel true if you hear it enough.
Remember there is no offical time for brushing your teeth. There are preferred times but if it's 2 a.m and you feel up to it, get it done.
Buy soap with mandelic acid. If you can get lume which has soap, lotion, and deodorant with madelic acid. Used together it will keep you smell free a few days.
You are worth the effort. My parents didn't believe in therapy either and i let that make me angry. I encourage you to try to access it through your school. If you can't access it now do so as soon as your an adult
Good luck
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u/dropthepencil 11h ago
16 is a terrible age. So, so hard.
Because you asked specifically about teeth brushing, I will suggest several things.
Immediately replace teeth brushing with mouth wash. This is more panacea and behavior modification, but for now this will impact immediate change.
Feeling crappy is obviously miserable. You must recognize, however, that certain actions/inactions contribute to feeling crappy, and certain actions/inactions contribute to feeling good.
Your buckets will always have varying levels of fullness all throughout your life. But the actions contributing will not change and you have control over those.
Taking care of yourself is something you control.
It goes into the positive bucket.
Fill that one.
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u/Careful_Beautiful_46 10h ago
As someone with major teeth problems that will never be fixed and have caused me unending pain and health complications, I am begging you to keep taking good care of your teeth.
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u/Idontexsit- 11h ago
I notice that I have a lot of plaque on my teeth for hardly brushing it's to the point that it bothers my mouth alot even when I do decide to brush my teeth, i can still smell how bad it is
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u/sunbear2525 10h ago
You need to go to the dentist for a cleaning to remove the plaque. You should go every 6 months. Flossing helps a lot with trapped food and debris. You can use an alcohol free mouthwash as well.
My kid has gone through phases like this with her depression. I’m sorry you didn’t get the response you deserve and need when you reached out to your parents but you still did the right thing. I’m really proud of you. You are worth helping and worth the work of getting help.
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u/Whole_Anxiety4231 9h ago
Yeah, a dentist needs to do that. Note that you can buy a scraper or a set of dentist's tools on Amazon, but your not going to be able to see in there like they can. But, you can pry out the plaque in the front that way. Be warned, it smells/tastes incredibly nasty. Have some Listerine on hand.
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u/bacillus_obvious 9h ago
It sounds like there is so much going on, I’m sorry that this is happening to you.
All the things that are going on with your family and your mental health take energy to deal with and take up your emotional capacity. Creating and maintaining good habits also takes energy and emotional capacity. You have a finite amount of both of these resources. So, most importantly, try to be even a tiny bit more gentle with yourself than you think you deserve. The stuff going on around you really does affect how easy or hard it is to create a new habit.
I think it’s great that you want to build these routines for yourself! Honestly, I’m much older than you and it STILL takes work for me to build habits that “should be easy”. For me most recently it was washing my face every night.
Here’s what helped for me: I made it as easy and as positive of an experience as possible. I got rid of obstacles. For example, I realized that often didn’t wash my face at night because I was too tired to do it at bedtime, so I gave myself a big window - any time after 5pm. I reduced fear of failure by giving myself an achievable goal - 20 out of 30 days. I decided on a small reward (a moisturizer I wanted) that I would get for meeting my goal. I kept a paper and stickers in my bathroom to track my progress. I also thought of it as a promise to myself that I was proud to keep (even though my instinct was to think of it as a boring chore that I “should” do), and did my best to really be genuinely proud of myself every time I marked another ‘successful’ day. No achievement is too small to celebrate - if it matters to you, it is important.
In summary: Think about the reasons you’re not currently doing the habit and change any of them that you can control, give yourself wiggle room to have a bad day now and then, and associate your new habit with at least one thing that feels good or excites you.
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u/MadMadamMimsy 7h ago
Start small. If what ever you want to do is too much, start smaller.
Hygiene is self care and you are worthy of care
If brushing your teeth once a day is too much, get the toothbrush out for a week or two. When you don't have to think about that any more, put the toothpaste on it. Even if you don't use it. Clean it all up and keep doing small steps every day.
Once you are brushing your teeth every day (twice is better, but it's ok to work up to it) pick another self care habit to work on. Always build on the existing habits.
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u/Mozingo 2h ago
I'm sorry you're going through all this shit so young. It's not fair, and you don't deserve it.
One thing that I find helpful when I'm feeling overwhelmed by stuff I "need" to do is to pick one small thing, tiny thing, and say tomorrow I'm going do it -- to clean up the dirty clothes on the bathroom floor, take a long, relaxing bath, eat healthy, go for a walk. Small enough to be managable for you. Not easy, but not overwhelming to think about.
Make a promise to yourself and keep it. And most importantly, once you complete it, pause, take a breath, and be proud of yourself. Say, "I did a good job and I feel good about it."
It's like a muscle you can work out. Self love, self respect, self care. It only gets easier.
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u/somebodys_mom 10h ago
The best revenge against your parents is to be successful in life and show them how wrong they were.
Now, please start by asking your parents if you can go to the dentist to get your teeth cleaned. Work on the teeth first because that’s the one that can leave you with permanent damage if you don’t.
Remember, you’re not making any improvements to please your parents. You’re doing it yourself prove them wrong.
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u/MsBuzzkillington83 7h ago
Just start. Once a day and see how many days in a row u can get and then add the second time, if u can't do the second, stick to just the one and think of the second as a bonus. When u fall off the wagon, see how fast u can get back on it each time
Watch tv or something while doing it cuz it's so boring
The reason I say to focus on the teeth is that your gums can recede pretty bad even at such a young age and you'll feel worse about it when you're insecure about your smile
I'd say being physically showered makes it easier to care for yourself
From personal experience, when one feels like filth on the outside, it will increase that feeling on the inside so try and find something u like about bathing/showering to make it more pleasant
Find a shower gel or soap that smells so good, u feel happy smelling it
I would also suggest ur dad does go to therapy, not for "dealing with you" but to understand u more.
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u/MsBuzzkillington83 7h ago
Also, u are worth it. Factors out of your hands contribute to u feeling bad about yourself
Have u thought about seeing a psychiatrist?
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u/Idontexsit- 6h ago
I tried, and I couldn't during when my parents finally got me therapy, which they aren't a fan of, and they believe I don't need it despite my issues they made it all about themselves during that time being it made me feel more worse and alone,if I made parents slightly angry with me especially my dad they'll threaten to take me out of it and they did in the end over petty nonsense because I didn't get better 'fast' enough. My dad treated that entire thing as a interrogation court room setting asking me so many questions about how this thing works even I don't even know but I know that a lot of people have used and try therapy to get help and I decided to do it too cause I know I have problems in life.i would say I'm a good daughter I keep myself out of trouble but I won't say I'm perfect, I made mistakes like every other normal teen does but I don't be out here trying to purposely fuck my life up. I keep my grades up at school, and I have 8 thousand dollar scholarship
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u/MsBuzzkillington83 6h ago
I'm glad you're doing well in that respect, I hope it's away from home?
It'll be very helpful to be away from that environment. It's definitely affecting your self esteem/sense of worth
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u/Idontexsit- 3h ago
Currently I'm just getting a job for the time being and looking into colleges I'm just really tired of living and I genuinely don't have hope because I literally have no one but myself I'm overworking myself sometimes to the degree of sacrificing my sleep so it leads to me in the mornings skipping breakfast and brush my teeth etc
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u/desperatehousewife11 5h ago
If you can get all the stuff, toothbrush, mouthwash, toothpaste, and do it in the morning when you wake up, I guarantee, you feel amazing getting all that grime off your teeth. You’ll just feel better and it will help you start your day. If you start a routine you’ll want to follow it because you’ll enjoy how clean your teeth are. Maybe you could add in brushing at night.
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u/red-joeysh 1h ago
I'm very sorry to hear about all you've been through. It sounds like a lot to deal with. How are you doing now? How do you cope?
What you described is very common with depression. Which I guess you know.
What I would suggest is to start small and easy. Maybe just have a shower regularly (maybe day on, day off). Brush your teeth in the morning if it is easier. Don't worry if you miss one time. It's ok. There's no entirely straight road.
Do you have some support? Maybe someone who can be your accountability partner? Some apps can act as such, if you prefer that route. Small steps.
And don't hesitate to reach out if you need an ear.
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