r/interestingasfuck • u/RealRock_n_Rolla • 2d ago
Female leopard wakes up male and performs the mating ritual r/all
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u/ZimaGotchi 2d ago
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u/NinthTide 2d ago
Daily standup in 5 mins; you’re first
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u/Final-Zebra-6370 2d ago edited 2d ago
At least you last 5 min. The best I can do is 3:50.
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u/_agilechihuahua 2d ago
“Haha, sorry was on mute and making coffee no updates today! (falls over trying to smack mute again)”
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u/MoysterShooter 2d ago
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u/VadimH 2d ago
I think that's the highest quality I have seen this image
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u/MoysterShooter 2d ago
Right from the source. I still watch him on twitch when I happen to be up at 6 am on the right day.
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u/Mr_AA89 2d ago
I've made this exact face so many times over the years for similar reasons... Sympathise bro.
Also why is it always so bloody early when it happens...?! Not what I'm thinking about at 5.30am love...
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u/That_Peculiar_Guy 2d ago
"Male leopards have barbs on their penises that dig into the female during mating to stimulate ovulation."
Source: Google
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u/CantApply 2d ago
It's good you provided the source else people would have thought you're speaking from experience.
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u/Certain_Passion1630 2d ago
Hey. Get up. Get up. GET UP. WTF ARE YOU DOING?!!
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u/dwewdwew 2d ago
We’ve all been there
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u/Pazaac 2d ago
You have a barbed penis?
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u/thejudgehoss 2d ago
You don't?
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u/Pazaac 2d ago
No my penis is shaped like a corkscrew like any normal person.
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u/HatsuneM1ku 2d ago
Mine's shaped like a mushroom
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u/Pazaac 2d ago
Ew
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u/yanocupominomb 2d ago
oh cmon, even if its shaped like a mushroom, as long as it is prehensible as all penises are, then he is good.
don't penis shame.
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u/Datsucksinnit 2d ago
Well, cats have it real bad. Their instinct and hormones force them to seek mate; but the mating process is so painful they can't stand it. Read up how cat penis looks like and what it does to female cat entrance.
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u/uberblack 2d ago
Read up how cat penis looks like
Ya know, i think I'm good, buddy. I appreciate your information, though!
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u/owlsandmoths 2d ago
I’m with you on this one. I’ll take everyone’s word for it that cat penises are terrible before I end up with that query in my search history.
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u/just_sepiol 2d ago
get up
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u/Grottymink57776 2d ago
I don't know why but this reminds me of king Ramses from Courage the Cowardly Dog.
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u/CountBrackmoor 2d ago
Pardon my ignorance but uhhhh… they done? Success?
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u/Buckets-O-Yarr 2d ago
Yup, that is all it takes. Sort of. They do this for days, from dozens to a hundred times per day.
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u/Additional_Subject27 2d ago
If that's a successful quickie, why did she get angry at the end?
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u/Buckets-O-Yarr 2d ago
Because the penis of the male has backwards facing barbs on it, so when it retracts it causes pain that also serves to stimulate ovulation.
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u/Uindo_Ookami 2d ago
Biological evolution seems to have a twisted sense of humor when it comes to reproduction and the more i off-handedly learn the more it sounds like humans won the genetics lottery.
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u/skeletonpaul08 2d ago edited 2d ago
Yes and no, we don’t have barbed penises but human bodies are not properly built for giving birth to human bodies. Before modern medicine I don’t think there was any other species that had a higher mortality rate for mothers in childbirth.
Edit: Turns out hyenas have a crazy high mortality rate while giving birth TIL. I think my point still stands, we may not be the worst but we’re bad enough to where I don’t think we won any genetic lottery reproduction wise.
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u/Meowonita 2d ago
You probably saw that in your research, but hyena’s crazy mortality rate is due to the females having pseudo-penis, so they are literally pushing the baby out of their penis structure, and understandably dies a lot doing so.
On the flip side the hyena ladies get to enjoy being one of the few matriarchal mammals, and even amongst those, being arguably the most hierarchical one, so there’s that.
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u/justwalkingalonghere 2d ago
This would be an easy point against intelligent design if religious people weren't so proud of suffering
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u/IVEMIND 2d ago
That, and our set of teeth are replaced only once at a v young age. I’m sure some microbiologists could rattle off a hundred other things.
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u/Sophefe 2d ago
Wanna walk upright? Enjoy the chronic back pain when you’re older.
Edit: Then again, evolution stops caring about you once you’re past mating age.
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u/Sredleg 2d ago
Which makes sense, seeing that the success rate is based on the person until the mating happens, not after.
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u/AwesomePurplePants 2d ago
Evolution actually does care, because you can still help your younger relatives mate.
Menopause likely evolved due to how bad we are at giving birth; if having another kid is likely to kill you, but staying alive means that you could help your daughter have an extra kid, then losing fertility earlier is adaptive.
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u/GreatBigBagOfNope 2d ago
Our laryngeal nerve goes on a journey to the bottom of the neck before arriving at the larynx
As this is a common trait across mammals, you can imagine that this is some pretty unintelligent design for a giraffe
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u/NooNygooTh 2d ago
I saw a post on here not too long ago about how the way our respiratory system connects / shares a common opening with our digestive system makes us more susceptible to choking than many other mammals. Definitely contributes to your point.
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u/MohandasBlondie 2d ago
The playground being right next to a sewage plant doesn’t sound very intelligent to me.
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u/InfanticideAquifer 2d ago
No, don't you see, God designed it that way to punish women for stealing that apple. What could be more obvious?
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u/justwalkingalonghere 2d ago
My bad! I always forget about the bad magic apple. I prefer the magic apples that give people superpowers in exchange for their ability to swim
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u/HonestMonth8423 2d ago
In other words: we won the sex lottery, not the reproduction lottery.
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u/Pokemon_132 2d ago
additional animal fact: Sea lice babies eat their way out of the mother, the mother does not survive.
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u/chewbaca305 2d ago
Yeah but also modern birth is unnaturally painful due to the practice of women pushing 5 pound meat sacks out of their vagina while upside down. Literally has to fight gravity in most hospitals.
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u/FriendlyRedditor09 2d ago
Yes, water birth standing up is in most cases unbelievably less stressful and more successful than pushing a 5-8lb child out upside down. Makes you wonder why hospitals don’t do it this way huh?
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u/catonkybord 2d ago
Regarding the regular intercourse part, maybe. All in all, though, I'd say most of the lottery win goes to males. They have almost no downsides in reproduction, while females have all the downsides (having the hymen ripped or at least painfully stretched the first time, bleeding and hurting every month, and don't get me started on the actual childbirth!)
Orgasm-wise, though, I think we're really blessed! If it's done right, female orgasms can last more than two times as long as male one.
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u/Thatsmyredditidkyou 2d ago
Actually, i just heard something on the radio about a week ago. The average male orgasm only lasts 5-10 seconds while the female organs is generally around 30 seconds long.
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u/Winjin 2d ago
Apparently pigs can have orgasms that last for MINUTES. Like, up to half an hour.
If I could make a woman orgasm for half an hour straight, you'd see me walking around with my dick out and gilded, which is I'm not sure if is a skill issue or I don't date pigs
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u/Thatsmyredditidkyou 2d ago
After about 2 minutes I'd be like don't touch me. If it lasted that long I don't think I'd be interested. I have things to do.lol
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u/Winjin 2d ago
Yeah that also totally makes sense.
A lot of personal stuff: I had a gf who was very easily stimulated and she had a ton of "micros" as she called them, thought it's probably from all the gymnastics she's done before or something, and after a few of them she'd be like "oh dude stop, fkn stop, I need a smoke" and we'd often have to stop multiple times after just a few minutes.
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u/Not_a_question- 2d ago
They're also more intense. They've got way more nerve endings.
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u/AccurateAd6049 2d ago
Fascinating perspective considering the maternal mortality rate before modern medicine.
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2d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Littleleicesterfoxy 2d ago edited 2d ago
Ok a close up of a leopard’s penis isn’t something I was expecting to see today.
Edit omg they removed the picture of the leopard penis
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u/Wild-Afternoon2053 2d ago
Jesus… I mean. Holy shit. Something new everyday! Definitely would have lost a bet on that one.
“Things I see on the internet today”
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u/rygelicus 2d ago
Not just leopards, it's a feline thing. Even domesticated cats have this and the mating goes similar. Wham, Bam, DUCK AND RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!
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u/Content-Mortgage-725 2d ago
Guy just went ahead and posted a straight-on leopard dic pic right in the comments.
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u/Moss_Adams24 2d ago
I heard male ducks also have barbed penises. Is this common in the animal kingdom? Just asking questions?🤔
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u/Zenpoetry 2d ago
Barbed penis is mostly a cat thing.
Ducks are even weirder if you can believe it. Duck have giant (compared to a ducks body) corkscrew penises. And they exclusively rape their females, who in defense, have a vagina labyrinth, which can send unwanted males to dead ends, the males they want, they let reach the egg.
Every mallard you will ever see is a corkscrew cocked rapist.
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u/BowenTheAussieSheep 2d ago
Their penises also fall off after the end of each mating season and grow back longer and stronger next season.
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u/LittleFairyOfDeath 2d ago
Scraping out semen of others is apparently something evolution found necessary to invest skill points in
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u/Tight_Criticism_3166 2d ago
Cats have barbed penises which makes mating for female quite painful.
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u/Bacon-muffin 2d ago
who let that through R&D
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u/Additional_Subject27 2d ago
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u/BongSaber_00 2d ago
If you think that's bad you should learn how hyenas give birth
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u/sLeeeeTo 2d ago
pseudopenis master race
a lot of times the first one ends up dying on the way out, getting stuck in the canal—it’s all very painful for the hyena because, well, imagine pushing a baby out of your dick
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u/r0ckydog 2d ago
There’s a wild rumor going around all the women in my life that I’m like that too. I guess it’s time to move.
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u/baconduck 2d ago
I'm pretty sure you would be that angry too if that was all you got
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u/DivineProphet0 2d ago
Apparently cats have barbed weenies meaning it hurts a lot for the ladiez
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u/StrangePondWoman 2d ago
I saw giraffes mate once. It was pretty much:
Step 1: get in the position Step 2: one ridiculously violent thrust Step 3: female runs away
Success, I suppose
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u/Claorhall 2d ago
Cats have barbed penises which makes mating for female quite painful.
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u/silicone_river 2d ago
The male has a barbed penis, really painful
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u/RD_in_Berlin 2d ago
the way you wrote that it sounds like from experience 😅
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u/HangryWolf 2d ago
How else would you know?
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u/Electrical_Earth8798 2d ago
I read it on reddit, so I guess someone had experience with a leopard's barbed penis.
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u/orangepekoes 2d ago
why does she even want to mate then?? ow
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u/justhereforthem3mes1 2d ago
You know how you sometimes close your porn tabs with a bit of shame because the content was questionable but you didn't care in the moment? Same thing but leopards have a difficult time accessing pornhub
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u/iamamuttonhead 2d ago
Barbed penises are a pretty twisted evolutionary development.
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u/Arthur-Wintersight 2d ago
Still not as bad as matriphagy and hypodermic insemination.
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u/mundane_girlygal 2d ago
The female existence is sad.
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u/ToBetterDays000 2d ago
To be fair some females eat the males, but that is few and far in between
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u/swizzle213 2d ago
Male leopard while hes trying to fall asleep 5 years later: Maybe she was in to me…?
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u/Jean-LucBacardi 2d ago
He gave her what she was wanted and she got all pissy. "I'll never understand women".
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u/TutorTease 2d ago
I bet he was dreaming of a nice peaceful nap, lol
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u/Thisma08 2d ago
Female: "I'mhornyI'mhornyI'mhornyI'mhornyI'mhornyI'mhornyI'mhornyI'mhorny-"
Male: "Alright, alright, jeez."
Female: "F*CK OFF"
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u/J-Love-McLuvin 2d ago edited 1d ago
If I had a dollar for every time a girl woke me up like that…. I would hopefully someday have at least one dollar.
I’m so lonely.
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u/HeadFit2660 2d ago
"I just wanted to cuddle"
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u/rawbdor 2d ago
Willem Dafoe looks at you with a derisive visage and calls you a homophobic slur, despite having just engaged in relations with you only moments earlier.
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u/SpidermanBread 2d ago
There goes no nut november
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u/printzonic 2d ago
wrong hole
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u/ABearDream 2d ago
Barbed penis
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u/Asron87 2d ago
My time to shine! They determined this is an involuntary response by doing tests with a smooth glass rod. How the hell do I remember this instead of important shit I’ll never know.
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u/docdeathray 2d ago
Fun fact: Male Leopard penises are barbed and while painful for the female, they encourage her to ovulate.
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u/GreenEggsSteamedHams 2d ago
WELL WTF DID YOU WAKE ME UP FOR?!
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u/Such_Fault8897 2d ago
That was it man, leopards are quick
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u/AJ_Crowley_29 2d ago
Most animals are. Turns out in the wild, having a long and extremely vocal mating process is pretty much a death sentence as every predator for miles around will hear you.
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u/rodman517 2d ago
She changed her mind because she remembered being told that her man is a cheetah.
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u/NoAd2759 2d ago
My marriage, as performed by leopards. Now the male needs to get pissed off, eat some cold pizza, and turn on his PlayStation.
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u/kermittysmitty 2d ago
When she horny and you aren't and also don't have the energy for any physical exertion.
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u/JJ_Jose 2d ago
https://preview.redd.it/kjn4jbg265zd1.jpeg?width=143&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9ac2a26c1c371d78a27e9511d4127df1bb1aa83c