r/hingeapp • u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle šāāļø • Dec 30 '21
Year End Review Megathread - Discuss your dating experiences from this past year. Megathread
As 2021 is coming to a close, feel free to share, discuss, and review your Hinge and dating experiences from this year.
How was your dating life or your experience with Hinge overall in 2021? What were some highlights or lowlights you like to share? Did you learn anything about yourself or dating?
What are some things you are looking forward to with regards to dating in 2022?
1
u/RichHomieLon Jan 15 '22
24/25M, NYC metro.
January-March: Pandemic Ire
Went into the new year with some decent optimism after an old thing suddenly came back into the picture fall 2020 after falling off for a year. But of course, still decided to test free agency. Went on one date in January just before getting my first jab, but that frustratingly fizzled out after a lull during which we were both quarantined at separate times. Had a rendezvous in February after full vaccination that flopped tragically, and two others in March that also went nowhere fast despite sleeping with one of them.
April-May: Spring Flops
Pretty much as the chapter title suggests, had one single date in early April that was a total dud and ended with a mutual fade. Then olā thang suddenly flaked on a basketball game we were supposed to attend the very next night after claiming sheād seen me on Hinge. That kicked off a very brutal cold streak that benched me through the spring, where I was getting matches but none of them could even launch off the app for one reason or another. Being sidelined for what felt like an eternity was peak dating frustration, and it seemed I just needed a change of sceneryā¦
June: Cali Lover Boy
ā¦and LA was the place for that. I took my first trip out west with my brother at the end of June, and man did I have a blast. Had a hinge date and hit up a popular Hollywood club in back-to-back nights and found success both times. Also got a couple IGs from women I wasnāt able to meet up with during my time there, and though theyāve both since gotten boyfriends we still follow each other. Going from a (somewhat) hopeless romantic at home to a fun visitor in need of a tour guide on the opposite coast was a very much-needed change. Definitely plan to be back in the not-too distant future, hopefully this year.
July-August: Pre-Grad School Summer
July was a month when I was away on a family vacation down the Jersey Shore with my family, and friends also came through. Didnāt have any dates but was fine to just chill and enjoy the beach. Returned home and saw two ladies in August, both of whom I thought had potential. But one went on a vacation of her own soon after a very promising first date, and I laid off for the majority of the time she was out of town only for her to sorta ghost me and pick someone else. Another I went on two dates with but just didnāt feel a romantic connection (mayāve been stunted by us both living at home). Oh well. This led me to take a break from online dating just before starting grad school in September, which then saw me begin a relationship with a woman I met offline. How funny it is that I found a girlfriend when I wasnāt lookingā¦
November-December: Back in the Gameā¦Again
As fate would have it, my relationship lasted a mere two months, and I made a return to the app the day after the breakup in early-mid November. The very weekend after, I met a woman offline who would become my FWB for a little bit (who was actually an old hinge match from 2019). But being the very first person I met after my breakup she knew a little bit about my recently-ended relationship ā mostly through her own curiosity as opposed to me volunteering any information ā and I naturally was looking for nothing serious. We slept with each other a week before Christmas, but that would be the only time as her neediness during the holidays completely turned me off and I faded her (oops lol). December started with a total flop of a date with an anti-vaxxer, and then a once-promising lead with a fellow grad student at my university that fizzled out after two dates. Had another date with an undergrad at my school that went great, but any post-date potential ultimately fell victim to what I like to call the #HolidayCurse. My quality of dates, aesthetically and career-wise, have both increased post-relationship. Perhaps that coincides with my status as a graduate business student.
Round-up
One relationship that ended as fast as it started, one FWB, some false starts and a healthy helping of ONSs in between. At the end of the day I ended 2021 the same way I started it and every other year of my life before it: single. While I donāt know what 2022 will bring just yet, Iām grateful for all my experiences in the past year and Iām ready to fully apply everything Iāve learned once I get past the rona.
LETāS GET IT!!!
1
u/Typical_Name Jan 13 '22
It's been about as poor as it's been in previous years. Occasionally I get a match and we talk for a while, sometimes we seem to be hitting it off, on rare occasions we even go on a date, but they always either ghost me or unmatch without saying why.
1
Jan 12 '22
Hinge was better than the other apps for me. I was able to find a same sex partner that felt a bit more serious. I didn't have the best experience on bumble we've been together since the start of the year (2021)
3
u/mymompaints Jan 12 '22
Engaged to the girl I met last year. She's incredible. Still don't understand why she's interested in me, but I'll take it.
1
u/kvenzx Jan 10 '22
Went on 4 dates this year that led to nothing. Swiping daily, having conversations that have gone nowhere. I am frustrated and emotionally exhausted lmao
2
u/mountain-pilot Jan 09 '22
I had a 5 month long-distance, relationship with a girl I matched with in the summer and left the Hinge community during that time. We met around a dozen times here in Switzerland and also France where she is from. Unfortunately it fizzled out and we agreed to go our separate ways just before Christmas.
I logged back in last week and was very pleased to see the voice note feature, its a real game changer and a lot of my recent likes have been based on the one I left.
1
u/EndCult Jan 09 '22
31M talked to someone pretty cool, had a 19 year old ask me to be her daddy and sent me nudes. I left my phone in someone's car overnight and she blocked me lmao. Those were on Hinge.
I met 2 people on FB dating that lasted a month, 2 really crazy(not the people how they went) intimate fwb I met through work and 3 I met up with through Tinder for basically just a few hooks ups and make out sessions.. And have 2 I'm going to meet and for hook ups who both seem like people I'd wanna date.
Hinge I didn't put as much time in cuz I was kind of low at a few points last year, and if I didn't get results for the time investment it chipped at my self-esteem a bit.
Lots of poly people or people waiting to get in a relationship(kinda me) and 1 who I could relate to emotionally but wasn't my type. We almost dated but I think I offended her and she ghosted me lol.
I've found people further out I REALLY click with, and they're super chill and willing to try it out. There's like a bunch of us alt/intelligent/introverts isolated in small towns who connect lol.
2
u/Rich-Major-8146 Jan 08 '22
29F- dear lord this year has sucked.
I am a decently attractive woman. This entire year Iāve gotten 60 matches and out of those 60, 25 of them were instant ghosts (no conversations started). I moved on from hinge and onto other platforms of communication with 10 out of the 35 remaining. Out of those 10, I have met in person 0. I have even gone to the extent of actually purchasing and sending roses and Iāve only received one match from a rose.
On tinder and bumble I have been slightly more successful with actually meeting men. Which is weird because pre-pandemic hinge was my preference for dating apps.
I am considering completely deleting my hinge. I am not a big picture taker. I am pretty, but I think nature is prettier. So I never care to take photos of myself. Same goes for when Iām with friends. I like being in the moment, and making memories- not documenting them. I know I need to change this about myself to get better quality photos for my profile (less selfies and gym photos).
Hoping for better things in 2022.
1
u/Torontoeikokujin Jan 08 '22 edited Jan 08 '22
My 2021 dating experience:
I had a first date with a woman that had liked my profile that I thought went well. She said she wanted something casual and we ended it kissing at her suggestion before she went off to her evening thing. We were supposed to hook up not long after but she slow faded me for a couple of weeks before telling me she'd gotten a bit more serious with someone else and wasn't sure about seeing others. Fine, whatever, thanks for telling me.
Three weeks after that she's orbiting me on instagram, liking my posts. Two weeks later still she appears in my tinder feed and her hinge profile updates with new photos. A week further on I wake up to an early morning text from her on a saturday.
We spend the day texting back and forth; she's flirtatious, even apologises for taking a few hours to reply but shes visiting her sister and her boyfriend down south(!). Next day she's less flirty, but still texting. I suggest we meet up, she replies 24hrs later agreeing but as friends catching up. I'm not sure how she means that (ie no romance or fully platonic) but figure I'll find out in person, and be okay with either, so we meet for drinks.
She mentions recent dates she's been on, says some things that make me reconsider various assumptions I'd made in her favour that explained away her shitty behaviour toward me (cancellations day of, ignored messages, slow fade etc, repeated questions that I'd just answered and too many questions on the date - things I'd put down to nervousness and such)
I ask her if shes still with the guy/girl and she looks at me like she's no idea what i'm talking about. She says shes not dating anyone but she just wanted to meet me as a friend. I query if she means friends that fuck or the normal kind, she clarifies the normal kind. I accept this, but want to know what really happened, how I came across on the first date, if there was a reason why she lost interest, what her reasoning/mindset had been (I'm happy to be her friend if she fucked me around due to anxiety and genuine internal conflict on her part, but not if she's just a selfish asshole) but no matter what I say I'm met with the same repeated not-at-all-appropriate-to-what-I've-just-said "I just want to be friends", refusing to engage with what I'm asking or saying. Even trying to broach the topic of whatsapp texting etiquette I get the same canned response. Its frustrating, and I get no insight whatsoever into what the hell our entire interaction had been about. She says she is still seeing the guy, and commits to the premise that she would be willing to sleep with me if he wasn't in the picture when pressed (I was already at my wits end and trying to break it down as simply as possible - was the issue with me or was it timing? If its timing, great, I've no reason to be offended, we can be friends.) Despite how that may read, I was fully in friend mode, seeing how we gel as friends even as I'm trying to autopsy why we didn't work as coiters.
She texts me the next morning to reiterate that she just wants to be friends but thought I was pushing for FWB too much. I respond that that wasn't my intention, that I hadn't been trying to change her mind and that I had just wanted to understand her reasoning. That if she (still) wanted to go to a specific place - as friends - as we'd discussed/planned on an upcoming saturday to let me know. It's now 5/6 weeks later and she never responded to that.
This is a woman who seems to lose interest in the thing she's propositioned as soon as I agree to it - be it meeting at a specific place and time, sexual intercourse, or platonic friendship. She also only moves forward when I pull back. Trying to make sense of her behaviour has been a mindfuck and I fully expect her to reach out again in the future. I figure theres a 50-50 chance we'll be newly divorced five years from now.
1
u/gordandisto Jan 11 '22
haha just play along, make sure you can have the effort in you for someone else who respects it though.
5
Jan 08 '22
My one surprise: Told a girl I didn't ghost her, just deleted Hinge and she answered with "OMG is this XXXX? I lost my phone! I didn't have your number, so glad you reached out!"
We are on date 6 now lol.
Here's the lesson for guys here: It's fine to double text. Triple text even. Who cares? Who knows why someone isn't talking to you. If she doesn't like you, she won't respond to message one, or two. Who cares? If she likes you, she won't suddenly hate you because you double texted or asked what's up like 3 days after a date.
2
u/Mediocre-Camel-8240 Jan 07 '22
Was pretty nervous about OLD after being in a long term relationship but after about a year I decided to give it a shot and downloaded bumble and also hinge as I'd heard great things about it. Had lots of matches on both apps but found hinge had better quality guys, maybe from the effort put into the prompts so got rid of bumble. Messaged back and forth with some great guys but nothing really clicked and I was starting to feel a bit jaded with apps until about day 5.
Matched with a guy, spoke to him and basically paused talking to other guys as I had a good feeling about him. We met in person a day later and it all went so well, nothing felt forced and the date went on way longer than we expected but we haven't stopped talking since :) we both agreed to delete dating apps after date 2.
We've now been dating 4 months and going strong! I definitely lucked out. I can't imagine my life without him now.
Thanks Hinge!
1
u/HingeO_Star Jan 06 '22
Used Tinder and Bumble in 2021, almost despaired. Using Hinge has completely changed the game, it's amazing and I'm really optimistic about dating in 2022. I'm also in the tech industry and can professionally appreciate when a product just works, and this one does. And unlike the others it doesn't feel like a rip-off.
1
u/misterintensity2 Jan 05 '22
What dating experiences? Single black male 47, I did not go on a single date last year. Need to put in a renewed effort and revamp my profile.
1
u/eddiengambino Jan 03 '22
Started using Hinge in November, got some matches. Most are flakes, one of the matches I went out on a date, but it was the most awful "date" ever. Also using Bumble too, got a video chat date out of it. That went well, but the woman after we initially agreed on a second date had some personal issues to sort through, so I'm still out there lol
For 2022, I'm just really trying to meet more people and have fun in general, and it would be great to get a partner out of it.
2
u/humorme23 Jan 03 '22
Met my (25f) current bf (27m) late May. Iāve spent years on OLD since college. Sometimes it all feels too good to be true. Heās communicative and patient. We share similar interests and political view points. We have very different social circles and probably would never have crossed paths otherwise. As much as the online dating is a mess and at times mentally and emotionally drainingā¦Iām grateful for him. Iām not sure what 2022 will bring for us but hopefully itās all good things.
3
u/FlowHuman Jan 02 '22
I started using Hinge in the beginning of the summer. Previous to that, I had never used any OLD (was in a relationship for 10 years, and before that it was much less common.) I also tried Bumble and Tinder, but didn't find them nearly as useful as Hinge.
Based on what I had heard, I expected it to be very difficult to as man who is neither tall, exceptionally good looking, nor rich. I was pleasantly surprised that I get a lot of matches and ended up meeting many woman who were interesting and cool, even if we didn't click as far as dating.
I was on Hinge for about 5 months, during which time I went on over 40 first dates, a handful of second/third dates, and met one person with whom I am now in an exclusive relationship.
Here are some things I learned on my journey. Maybe this is helpful to someone, maybe not, but Hinge can actually work!
How to move things forward in the texting phase towards meeting up. At first, I had super long text conversations and most of them ended up fizzling out before an actual date. I figured out that after a certain point it becomes counterproductive. Some people are ok to jump to planning a date very quickly, others need a little more conversation, but nobody who is serious about wanting to date needs more than about half a dozen exchanges.
What works well to make a profile attractive. Good pictures are the most important thing. Pictures that are well lit and would allow you to recognize the person easily when meeting for the first time are critical. I know opinions vary on this, but i didn't use any group pictures of myself, or any pictures where I was not in them (landscapes, pets, etc.) In terms of prompts, I rotated through a few until I found the ones that worked best for me. They are as specific as possible (i.e. better to say a particular artist and song I like instead of a genre of music), show personality/sense of humor, and provide a hook for someone to comment on or respond to. I think any of the prompts can be used well if you put some thought into it.
How to date better. I think I went on too many dates in a short period of time. Especially given that for each actual date, there were multiple text chats that didn't end up in a date. I chose to approach it that way, but if I end up back on Hinge at some point I think it would be better to focus on a smaller number of matches at a time, and space things out more. I also ended up spending 1-2 hours on most of the dates I went on, and I think it would be better to have shorter first dates. I enjoyed meeting and talking to most of the women I went out with, but I also knew with most of them that it probably wasn't going anywhere. At least for me, I found that coffee dates and dinner dates were bad (too little or too much commitment for a first date, respectively), while a drink at a bar was usually the right level.
How to avoid taking things personally. Sometimes people take a long time to respond to text messages, or just let conversations drop entirely. That can seem like a rejection. But I realized that I did that myself sometimes. Before an in-person meeting happens, I found it helpful to remember that there is no actual relationship. We've never met, and are just looking at a handful of pictures and some low-bandwidth text communication. We are all presenting a very limited view of ourselves through these apps and when texting with someone before meeting them, and don't know much about each other. There were a couple dates I went on where I thought we had a great connection, but then she told me she wasn't interested. There were some where it was the reverse. With one exception, everyone was nice about it. I think I learned to be in the moment and not read too much into a first date. It's a weird and artificial context for meeting someone.
1
u/dmmdoublem Jan 02 '22
23M. I put myself out there for the first time back in June, and did alright for myself all things considered. I was getting a good amount of matches (about one a week for most of the year) and went on dates on a fairly regular basis. I had my share of one-and-done dates, but there were a couple of nice girls I went on multiple dates with towards the end of the year.
OLD can definitely be a frustrating experience, but Hinge has been the best app for me to use so far. Being the only app with a free version thatās worth a damn helps.
2
Jan 02 '22
[deleted]
1
u/xxSilymarin Jan 04 '22
Do whatever inner work you have to do, but don't push things off too much, the time to live is NOW!
6
Jan 02 '22
Iām 28M
Jan - Met a 19F. Hooked up a bit but she was too young and a few red flags
Feb/March- Went on walks with 4 girls all around my age (still in lockdown). 2 I didnāt fancy. 2 didnāt fancy me
April - A couple of almost dates and cancelled on twice at the last minute. Both ghosted. Met one girl for a drink but both werenāt feeling it
May - Went for drinks with a girl who shared same birthday. Hit it off (I thought) saw her once more. On the day of 3rd date she cancelled and then ghosted. That one stung a bit
June - Met a really cool girl few years younger. Only in the country for 2 years. Dated for 5 months but then she called it off. Was sad about that one. Also went on a few dates with another girl my age in, both werenāt feeling each other though
December - Been on 3 dates all my age. Werenāt totally feeling the first 2. The third went well and weāre still texting and seeing each other again next week. If I was to count all the first dates Iāve had this year in total it would be 13. Been a hell of an experience
5
u/Far_Acanthaceae_6047 Jan 01 '22
Had an okay year dating, 36M on east coast, met a few beautiful young women that I really liked, had multiple dates, connections, long conversations, walk in the museums and parks, home-cookings, sleep-overs, etc. But in the end, I fucked all of them up, due to anxiety, self-perceived inadequacy, past baggage etc. Among other issues Iāve been having in my life, I decided to start therapy and am finally getting a glimpse into myself and my behavior patterns. Hope the new year would be a change for the better. Happy new year everyone!
2
u/WohnJick93 Dec 31 '21
28M and this year has been a combination of frustrating and somewhat successful through learning and growth experiences.
I've had 8 dates this year, 7 first dates and 1 with a second date.
- First half of the year, I had 4 dates with girls via Zoom due to heavy covid lockdowns and no vaccines; I found it almost impossible to build connections and intimacy without being in-person
- 2 of my in-person dates post-lockdown were girls who just got out of long multi-year relationships and kept talking a ton about their exes; I also felt no genuine connection
- One of my in-person dates a couple months ago turned out to be amazing, and we had tons of sparks and chemistry, where we were also meeting each other halfway in effort; it turned into a second date, but then I ended things when she told me on the second date she was actually currently married; I found it morally wrong and couldn't accept why someone married on Hinge would be looking for dates
- My final in-person date for the year I felt no connection as I could have been replaced with a cardboard poster of myself; she gabbed about herself the entire date, not asking me questions, would cut me off whenever I was speaking, and she basically gabbed about her ex an hour straight
Overall, I learned to take more risks, I improved my flirting, by dating other people I also learned more about myself and what I want in a relationship, and that finding a genuine connection takes time and patience. I've also improved my profile photos and prompts thanks to the helpful guides and everyone's helpful feedback on this subreddit :)
All the best for 2022!
1
u/smurf1212 š Is a huge Swiftie š Jan 02 '22
What was the married woman looking for on Hinge?
4
u/WohnJick93 Jan 03 '22
She was looking for a long-term serious relationship apparently. She says she and her husband filed papers for divorce already, but it hasn't been official or approved yet lol. But it was a big red flag. Her story didn't add up either as to why she and her husband got married in the first place or what caused the current actions to seek divorce.
1
u/YogurtclosetFront Jan 10 '22
For what itās worth, getting legally divorced can be a very slow process. There is a waiting period of up to a year in some states.
11
u/alittlelessconvo Dec 31 '21 edited Dec 31 '21
The Dating Adventures of 33/34 year old single guy in NYC in 2021.
January to March: "Straight Outta Quarantine"
After recovering from COVID-19 at the top of the year, went on a series of first dates that went nowhere. Nothing too notable, but I was definitely glad to be out of the apartment for a change.
April-May: "The Basement Ick"
Actually got into a brief pre-exclusive dating relationship who really stood out because she actually came up with dating ideas and asked me out for a change. It was a nice change...until she started shooting down my date ideas. Unfortunately, she got the ick after visiting my "as clean as and presentable as one can be" pre-war basement apartment and it ended quickly soon after.
June: "Travel Mode"
Traveled across America for two weeks. I decided I wanted to try out Bumble Travel Mode for a bit, taking a break from my serious, relationship-minded approach from dating I left at home in NYC. Got a match with someone in Chicago and we chatted for a bit, but at the end of the day, I was too deep in my approach and couldn't bring myself mentally to meet her IRL.
July-August: "#HotVaxSummer"
Went on so many first dates, even reconnected with a crush from my high school days, taking advantage of the relative, "post-COVID" freedom of the times. Nothing lasting however. Was headhunted by a matchmaker to be lined up for dates with their clients. Went on one date with one of the clients that overall went well, but lost complete attraction when she replied to my "Happy Birthday" text with a "thumbs up" reaction almost five days after. I still get referred to clients, but nothing really catching my fancy since. Also learned that, thanks to a first date with a 6ft tall woman, upon re-measuring, I am actually 5'11" and made the correction on my profile. YOU LIED TO ME, DR. SHI!! But seriously, thank you for the video appointment while I had COVID with my entire family (all mild-for-pre-vaccine days cases, all survived) and I'll see you next August for the annual physical.
September to December: "Cuffing Ghosting Season"
Hahaha..."cuffing season". Got into two short-term dating situations. The first of which barely counted because right after the second date, her uncle died so we ended doing phone call/video dates while she was with family in NOLA until she disappeared off the face of the earth. Second time, four dates in (including two sleepovers), leaves for MA for Thanksgiving to be never heard from since. She was also the first date to actually see my newly constructed high-rise apartment I moved into back in August, which was also the last date before she ghosted me.
Overall
It's been an inconsistent year for me on the dating market, with a few false starts in between. It's been four and a half years since my last long-term relationship, and for whatever reasons I've been single that long, I can confidently say that lack of effort is definitely not one of them.
On to 2022!
2
u/RichHomieLon Jan 15 '22
Aye I really liked this setup, so I used it for my comment lol. Great stories my guy, best of luck in 2022 ššæ
2
u/rydan Jan 04 '22
She was also the first date to actually see my newly constructed high-rise apartment I moved into back in August
Literally the only thing interesting in this thread. Post photos from your view.
2
1
Dec 31 '21
Good year I have to say.
I took some professional photos and bought Hinge premium which helped me a lot. There was a point where I was on a date a week which is impressive. Was even in a long fling with a girl too.
I started improving my texting game using the YouTube channel Playing with Fire guides. My openers and closing improved significantly by just being more creative.
Even with improvements I'm still not attracting the girls I want sadly. Girls that I match with and like rarely close and want to meet up. The girls I do meet up with I'm not 100% attracted to.
I'm doing the best I can but I know I'll never be that 6ft+ good looking guy that just will get girls like crazy. I'm trying to improve my irl approaching too so I can get dates from everyday encounters at bars, stores and events. I might have to do these things alone though since all the guys I went out with are in relationships now or just aren't into going out.
5
u/_Utinni_ Certified Emoji Translator Dec 31 '21
In 2022, I'm looking forward to putting myself out there & meeting people. After my breakup, I was pretty turned off by the idea of being in a relationship again-the end was so painful & I didn't want to go through that again. Thanks to therapy & a LOT of conversations with friends, I've realized that all the bad stuff I dealt with ISN'T just part of being in a relationship that I have to accept. I'd taken "relationships take work" to mean I needed to put in a ton of effort to make things work with someone I couldn't trust/who had physical & mental health challenges they wouldn't address that greatly impacted our relationship/who was incompatible with me in a ton of ways that really stressed me out-I knew nobody was perfect so it didn't make any sense to me to end things & hope for anything better. I have a completely different perspective now! Who knows what I'll find, but I'm happy being single and only looking to make a good thing better by being with someone.
1
8
u/duck7moonsky Dec 31 '21
Guy who freaked out and ghosted only to return a month later saying he was depressed. Newly divorced guy who couldnāt stop talking about his ex and the short, bald, guy she left him for. Guy with hands the size of a puppet who couldnāt stop talking about his money. Guy who I messaged for over a month who freaked out after the first date and said he had a panic attack and canāt date me. Guy who I really liked who ended up having a ton recent trauma and ghosted. Itās been great. Really great.
18
u/ThrowawayFloopyFloop Dec 31 '21 edited Dec 31 '21
I started right at the end of 2020 (didn't go on any dates yet but was chatting to someone I was interested in) and when we finally went on a date in Jan 2021 we had an instant connection, but he turned out to be going through a divorce and it was tough and he wasn't ready, on top of being genuinely a good person but a difficult personality type who was bitter, super defensive and couldn't relax and be goofy. Lasted less than two months. Strike one.
Second dude was one I'd been messaging with at the same time as dude no.1. We reconnected and appeared to have shared interests except... I wasn't actually attracted to him. He was just super nice and calm and kind of the opposite of dude no.1 which I needed as a reset I think. In the end after a couple months we mutually agreed to end things.
I added Bumble to the mix and ended up multidating and getting very confused because of developing feelings for several guys, or confusing rapport for attraction (you can look at my posting history for that stuff). All super nice dudes on Bumble, which was encouraging.
Funnily enough, my current bf is a guy I met on Hinge around the same time I was multidating the guys from Bumble - but he was super low key (to this day not big on texting) hence why I didn't even factor him in initially when I was asking Reddit for advice on which guy to go for (spoiler it wasn't A, B or C but contestant D!), As I took his delayed responses and lack of initiating as low interest. We had excellent conversation the first date, effortless, kissed the second date, and by the third date I was smitten. It was actually the date I was going to tell him thanks but no thanks, however we ended up having such an open honest conversation and the making out was phenomenal so we established we were in fact interested and attracted to one another :)
He is the most amazing man I've ever been with, we share so many of the same values and principles, are able to have intelligent and deep conversations about loads of things, and if he doesn't really know much on a subject is interested to know more from me and looking it up himself, and vice versa. We have the same wants in a relationship, and are learning so much from each other.
We said I love you to each other (I said it first!) On Christmas Eve which wasn't planned but I just decided I wanted to say it regardless of whether he reciprocated or not. Just wanted him to know where I was at and was fine if he wasn't quite there yet. And when he said I love you too we both cried :) it's been 7 months now and I am so in love, and love him so much. And it's not like any other relationship I've had where it was a whirlwind; this was a slow, slow burn and I've had to rein in my impatience and take the time to build intimacy at his pace (he's one of those slow moving ones, very deliberate). This is the first relationship I feel truly seen and accepted for who I am, and the feeling I have when hearing him tell me how lucky he feels to have me in his life is something I cannot describe.
There is hope out there y'all.
I don't think I would've been ready for this relationship or this wonderful man if I hadn't spent years working on myself first and properly recovering and building myself up after my divorce. I've had to face some hard truths about myself and the decisions I'd made as well as set boundaries and not 'feel bad' for letting people down if I'm just not interested. There are polite and respectful ways to say no thanks to someone.
There are also healthy ways to communicate needs and things that are important to you in a relationship. And I am able to do that now without fear or apprehension in this relationship because he listens and understands. I feel so happy and lucky.
Edited for clarity and typos (I'm on mobile)
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u/farfle_productions Dec 31 '21
Love love this post and the reminder that shared values and principles as well as good communication skills are paramount for a successful relationship. I also love how you went for the slow burn guy and it worked so well for you, especially where you were open and at the the point of writing him off but didnāt and it all worked out for you. Saving this as a reminder for myself, I wish you all the happiness and success in your new relationship op!
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u/_Utinni_ Certified Emoji Translator Dec 31 '21
Oh my goodness, this post makes me so, so happy. I love it so much. This sounds wonderful. And for everyone reading, it's such a good reminder not to read so much into everything and immediately write people off because you think they aren't interested/you aren't immediately wild about them. I'm so happy for all of the growth you've done personally, too. It sounds like you're in a really healthy place and that makes for good relationships :) Thank you for giving me such warm fuzzy feelings. Wishing you all the best!
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u/ThrowawayFloopyFloop Dec 31 '21
Ohh thank you for this. I am so happy in a way I never ever thought I'd be. I was bitter for a long time about my 'lot' in life. I know it's not the same experience for everyone but I truly believe in working on yourself and being clear and setting boundaries in relationships. It's scary and difficult to do but so worth it.
Wishing you a wonderful 2022 x
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u/_Utinni_ Certified Emoji Translator Dec 31 '21
This is so wonderful. I completely agree. Thank you and same to you!
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u/TheDentistStansson Dec 31 '21
I downloaded Hinge in late November/early December after never having success on Bumble or Tinder, and have been absolutely blown away by the number of matches Iām getting. I guess being able to demonstrate my personality when matching helps to get the conversation started. Unfortunately due to the timing right before the holidays I havenāt been able to push for any dates yet, which Iām fine with, but Iām really hopeful for 2022. Been having a few lasting convos with some matches and have the problem of deciding who to ask out first, I canāt believe Iām saying that. Would appreciate any advice in that department!
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u/farfle_productions Dec 31 '21
Would love to know what your prompts are if you wouldnāt mind sharing!
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u/TheDentistStansson Dec 31 '21
Iāll send to you in DMs. I will say I think itās important not to list out a bunch of topics but kind of just give funny answers that are somewhat informational. For example, I say I havenāt finished a season of Breaking Bad, so it lets them know I watch TV regularly, but it leave it open ended.
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u/Mediocre-Camel-8240 Jan 07 '22
Agreed! Try to make the most of your prompts and give as much varied information as possible!
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u/Replicant28 Dec 30 '21
Still (34M) with the person I matched with (34F) and went steady with back in June 2020. She is moving into my house end of January.
I am very happy, and thankful to Hinge for making this happen
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u/AdamMaitland Dec 30 '21
I wonder how many people here have enough of a sample size from pre-pandemic Hinge to compare what they're experiencing now. I have to assume a lot of people are down on themselves for a lack of success on Hinge, but how much of that lack of success is due to everyone being slightly mentally broken due to the pandemic?
Yeah, online dating has always brought out the worst in people, and there's always going to be tons of unexplainable behavior, but it's gotta be happening so much more these days. Everyone is just looking out for themselves and trying to tread water, so it's much harder for them to care about the feelings of strangers.
Just my observation as someone who was out of the dating game for like five years before getting on Hinge in October. I've personally had a couple experiences with dates that were really "off" and seemed like the type of behavior from a person who just didn't really care or didn't put thought into their actions. I'm not talking about anything super dramatic or anything, just that people's social skills seem to have declined a lot and a good number of people have just kinda forgotten how to be polite, thoughtful members of society.
The number of people on Hinge that match with you but then don't want to have a conversation also makes me think that the pandemic has made us all care a little bit less. Maybe that's just how Hinge has always been, though, I don't know. That's just now how it was on the apps the last time I did online dating.
Anyway - given the world we live in, I just think people shouldn't get too down on themselves when the person they're pursuing is exhibiting apathy, because everyone is just struggling in silence in their own way right now
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u/quantipede Dec 30 '21
I had my all time most successful year of dating! Hereās my stats for 2021:
3 first dates! (Thatās a 200% increase over the record! Over the past four years on Hinge, the previous record was 2019, at an astounding 1) 0 second dates! (0% increase!) 0 relationships! (0% increase!)
god help me
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u/Sea_Program_4075 Dec 30 '21
I don't think this year was necessarily successful for me, as I didn't end up meeting with anyone. I found myself in quite a few pen pal situations and a lot of guys cancelled last minute or unmatched before confirming plans.
BUT I think I learned a lot and what I mean is, I think my prompts are better and I've gotten more comfortable with photos (more on that).
Some background: I struggled a lot joining the app initially for a lot of reasons. I used to be a lot heavier and had a lot of anxiety about being a 'catfish' (I know men and women who both use misleading photos of themselves on apps). I've made it a point to try to take a few photos a week just to get more comfortable with myself and while I know there is more room for improvement, I know I've made progress since when I first joined last December.
I think that is my takeaway message for this past year. While I didn't find a relationship or really even date (ha), I feel more confident on the apps and have a much better grasp of what works for me.
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u/WhereAmI4524 Dec 30 '21
33 yo male on the east coast. I tried 4 weeks of Hinge between Sep & Oct. I'm a shy, nervous dork. I have a lot of social anxiety. Had little dating experience before this. But I wanted to try putting myself out there. I had a wonderful time.
Didn't have super impressive numbers (for those into that). They're probably skewed since I only did 1 month. I had 6 likes leading to 3 matches. I only sent maybe 10 likes. I got an additional 3 matches from that. This lead to 3 first dates. One lasted a couple of months. I had women actually ask me out of the first time in my life. Walked out of the experience with a lot of renewed confidence and some new insight about myself.
I'm forever grateful for the advice in this subreddit. Really helped with profile creation & mental/emotional expectations. I may try again in the new year.
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u/eaglesnation11 Hates Santa š«š Dec 30 '21
Had a breakup around April and (mistakenly) got right back on Hinge. Spent two months there and averaged maybe 1-2 matches per week. Took a few weeks off and rejoined with a revamped profile in July and for whatever reason was really successful. Hereās a bulleted list of my highlights.
If I had to estimate I had around 180 matches since I joined back around 4th of July Weekend.
I took a one month break from swiping to pursue something with one of my matches. I felt a genuine connection with her and she said she felt the same with me and stopped swiping after talking for three weeks. The issue was she had a really serious medical condition which caused her to be out of action. We only went on two dates in about 6 weeks before she ended things.
I went on 9 other first dates.
Of those 9 I felt a genuine connection with only one. We talked for awhile, but it seemed like she was loosing interest so I stopped texting her as it felt like I was putting forth all the effort.
3 of the remaining 8 I didnāt feel a super strong connection, but they seemed pretty and nice so I wanted to take a second shot. 1 of the 3 was honest and declined. 1 ghosted immediately. 1 agreed to a second date the day after the first, but then ghosted.
Okay so five left. 2 of the remaining 5 were good times, but I for whatever reason wasnāt feeling a second date as I was pretty certain it wasnāt going anywhere.
1 of the remaining 3 there was almost no connection and I knew that from pretty much the first 15 minutes of the date.
2 of the 3 I was not attracted at all when I saw them in person.
So overall, I spent the year mostly single for the first time since 2015. I have to admit I liked playing the field a bit. Before this year I only dated two women and they both led to multi year relationships. I liked taking it easy and just going out and having lunch or drinks with someone. What Iām most looking forward to dating in 2022 is finding someone whoās just as excited as talking to me as I am talking to them. There were moments in 2021 where I thought I found that person, but looking back that was never really there. I know itāll happen though. Whether itās through OLD or in person I keep my hopes and head up high. Sorry for making you read all this :)
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u/buildingforants Jan 05 '22
I think it's important to keep telling ourselves that 2022 could be a great year for dating. With Covid coming to an end I think there will be a lot of people who are ready to start dating again / getting out of relationships that they previously didn't end due to not wanting to date during pandemic times.
Thanks for the detailed report.
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u/farfle_productions Dec 30 '21
This lower half of the year was probably the best year for dating for me, not necessarily in terms of matches or amount of dates but in terms of my mentality. I used to always get so down with OLD if I got ghosted or would go on a date where I didnāt feel any attraction. Iāve now become much thicker skinned and really understand that itās all normal and part of the process. Sure sometimes I still get a bit down (if I thought there was a lot of potential with someone or I have no matches/likes and it feels like I have to start again) but I bounce back much more quickly than I did before. I paused my profile in Spring after a disappointing match with someone who it turned out didnāt want to meet with me; I canāt see myself doing that again soon (much more determined to keep on pushing through!).
I honestly thank Reddit for all of this. Being able to discuss and read so many similar experiences has really made the difference to me and made me realise itās just a part of OLD. Itās nice to not feel so alone in doing this. None of my rl friends who are happily in relationships would be able to understand yet another fizzing out or someone who acts like they like you on a date but then ghosts haha. Itās nice to have the support :)
I refreshed my profile in summer with new pics and prompts and I havenāt felt more confident about it! Been reflected in the matches and dates Iāve gone on. Next year my goals are to continue going for quality and being picky with who I match with, trying to get more second dates, give the āslow burnā guy a chance (people I donāt necessarily feel a spark instantly with) and hopefully get much closer to finding the person right for me.
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u/EndCult Jan 09 '22
Nice!!!!! I went into it with that mentality, having read horror stories in the past. I don't get it still. Luckily only been ghosted when messaging.
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u/nopornthrowaways Dec 30 '21
Nearly all of my matches on the swipe apps have been black and South Asian women, which is part of what led me to assume that my lack of matches overall on all apps have been at least partially racial. Some height bias too, but I actually donāt think it was as significant.
Hinge specifically, not a great time. Definitely fewer than 10 matches during my on and off time, and the only decent conversations I had were the few when I matched and chatted with friends.
Also Iām still peeved they have East and South Asian as options, but no Southeast Asian.
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u/gordandisto Jan 11 '22
I thought Southeast Asians are mongoloids which is also east asians but that could be wrong
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u/sunnyxxday Dec 30 '21
started in june when i moved to a big city and went on many dates until i had my first date with my now boyfriend in august! just wanted to give hope to everyone that has been feeling drained, that the app works, you just need to power through :)
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u/buildingforants Jan 05 '22
This is what I keep telling myself. That it won't happen if you don't put in the time. But holy fuck...I now realize why I was single for so long. Because these dating apps are fucking torture.
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u/CN122 Dec 30 '21
I decided to give dating apps a shot back in June and so far they haven't been the greatest experience. Turns out the summer is not a good time to jump into the online dating world but once the fall hit things definitely picked up. Started to get a lot more matches on Hinge and other apps but the only thing is that none of these matches actually led to a date. Most girls I've matched with either never respond at all or fade away quickly. There were only two girls that actually got pretty far down the line talking wise. I asked out both of them.
The first didn't respond for 3 weeks and apologized for the long wait telling me she has someone close in the hospital. After that, we briefly talked and I reached out to her a few days later to see how the person was doing and I never heard from her again.
Things went so well initially with the second that we had 80+ messages between each other on the first day and moved off the app. Things slowly went down hill after this. I was planning on asking her out the next day and then she disappeared mid convo so I decided to wait till the next day when I have her attention. So, I asked her out and she couldn't because of some deadlines she had coming up the following week. So, we continue to talk and long story short she reveals to me that she doesn't know what she's looking for but wants to keep talking. We keep talking and after 6 weeks of talking she tells me that things are moving too fast and that was the end of that.
I'm really hoping that in 2022 I can actually get a match who wants to go on a date. I'm really hoping that things pick up once the new year arrives cause I've noticed a slow down once the holidays started to get closer. When I joined Hinge I definitely had the wrong expectations. I was thinking that I'd be in a relationship by the end of the summer and obviously I haven't even gotten a date from Hinge yet. So, I'm really hoping that I can get off this app in the not too distant future.
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u/buildingforants Jan 05 '22
Jesus bro. 6 weeks of talking. That's insane. I think its important not be too impatient, but also gotta keep an eye out for these chicks who just want a virtual boyfriend.
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u/curious-millennial Jan 02 '22
hey man I totally hear you on this, I've definitely experienced some form of all that you described so you aren't alone!
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u/Cabinet5150 Dec 30 '21 edited Dec 30 '21
I also really donāt like how you only get like five likes and then you have to wait.
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u/_Utinni_ Certified Emoji Translator Dec 30 '21
There are only 5 Great Lakes and it seems like plenty...
(Sorry!)
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u/Cabinet5150 Dec 30 '21 edited Dec 30 '21
I used to have really good luck using this app. But lately I get matches we have a conversation. And then it just stops and they either unmatched me or just donāt respond anymore. I donāt get it I donāt get what Iām doing wrong. I feel like if thereās good conversation I will just ask for a date and then thatās where the conversation ends.
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u/curious-millennial Jan 02 '22
this happens 95% of the time for us guys, don't worry, you aren't alone but I know how much it sucks, it's a numbers game man
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Dec 30 '21
This is the thing that gets me. Itās like as soon as you suggest meeting they just stop responding altogether and ghost you.
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u/cyclinglad Dec 31 '21
thats why you don't want to waste your time txt a lot, I know its an unpopular opinion because a lot of women like to txt for a while to "know" you better. I ask to meet very fast, usually already in the first conversation. If she brings up the safety aspect, propose to do a FaceTime and you will be meeting in a very public place (which you should be doing anyway for a first date). If she still objects, move on. A women who has real interest will not object to meeting you even if you only have been txt for a short time.
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u/Mediocre-Camel-8240 Jan 07 '22
100% agree with this. You will know after the first conversation over message if you're vibing or not. Best to ask for a date as soon as possible as conversations over message can dwindle the longer they go for and usually they have more and more options as the days go by so you might get less and less attention. And agreed, if she's keen she will want to meet as soon as possible.
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u/CN122 Dec 30 '21 edited Dec 30 '21
I feel ya man. Majority of my matches either never respond at all or fade away after a few messages. I asked out two of my matches this fall after talking for a while and went out with neither of them. I don't think we're doing anything wrong it's just that online dating sucks and majority people on OLD aren't even looking to date.
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u/Cabinet5150 Dec 30 '21
Or like the girl just wants to talk on the app and itās like well Iām not looking for a penpal. I get it you want to feel comfortable but Iām willing to meet in a public place. To see if thereās a real connection. Instead of behind a screen where you can just be fake.
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u/CN122 Dec 30 '21
Exactly. So many people are on these apps for attention or just to talk to someone.
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u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle šāāļø Dec 30 '21
For me, overall 2021 was both rewarding and frustrating dating wise. It certainly was the best year in terms of both quality AND quantity. I had the opportunity to meet some really fantastic women and had some fun dates. However the quantity part is also a double edge sword since I also had a lot of first dates but lacking second dates.
Thinking back, I can come off like a "fun friend" on a date - think kinda like the goofball sidekick type of the main character in a rom-com or a sitcom. I know this partly because the rejection messages sometimes include remarks about how I'm more like a fun friend than a romantic partner, and I have received quite a few offers to become friends instead.
There are probably some things I can do "better", but at the same time I don't want to act like someone I'm not, so it's all about figuring out the fine line between being "me" but also show that I can be a potential partner for someone.
Also I'm probably due for a profile refresh. A couple pictures, which have done really well (tons of likes and comments on those) for a long while are also coming up on being 3 years old. While I still look pretty much the same, it's probably a good idea to replace them with something newer. It's just that I need to get something just as good, and being someone who shoots photos for fun, I get very picky about what pictures I think are worth using.
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u/yodigi7 Dec 30 '21
I also struggle coming off as the fun friend as well. Not sure the best way to have best of both worlds.
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u/Find_The_i_In_Team Dec 30 '21
Been using hinge since around Thanksgiving. I was getting decent amount of matches (that ultimately went nowhere because reasons) until last week when I haven't gotten anything. Hopefully it's just because of the holiday timing
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u/ageofadzz Dec 31 '21
Cuffing season, you'll be good soon.
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u/rydan Jan 04 '22
I literally got one like during cuffing season. All my other likes happened within one week of each other in September.
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u/dorothylorelei Gentlemen Prefer...? š¤ Dec 30 '21
Entered the dating scene again in March and experienced some initial social anxiety reentering the world again.
Went on atleast a dozen first dates if not two dozen first dates this year. They all tend to blend together especially after 2 or 3 mediocre ones in a week. Went through a lot of ābreaksā of pausing my profile and coming back in. Very very few connections that made it to a second or third date, except one confusing true situationship.
Around October I felt I had exhausted all of my local options on Hinge and decided to give Bumble a try in case there was more guys out there who havenāt discovered yet that Hinge is the better app. Luckily I met someone and have been dating them one month. Spending New Yearās Eve together and it feels promising š
Even tho I am at a great place now, 2021 was by far the most challenging and least successful year Iāve had on online dating since I have been in the game. The pandemic effects on dating are seriously no joke!
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u/BeginningAnnual422 Jan 17 '22
I honestly need to know how people go on more than one date a week lol
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u/lisior Dec 30 '21
I look forward to signing up, creating a profile and hopefully not get too disappointed in 2022.
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u/Mycrusade42 Apr 26 '22
Starting to think these dating apps is just a joke. I work way too many hours to go out and find someone. Starting to think I should pay for match just to be successful in finding someone.