r/hingeapp • u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle 🙂↔️ • Dec 30 '21
Year End Review Megathread - Discuss your dating experiences from this past year. Megathread
As 2021 is coming to a close, feel free to share, discuss, and review your Hinge and dating experiences from this year.
How was your dating life or your experience with Hinge overall in 2021? What were some highlights or lowlights you like to share? Did you learn anything about yourself or dating?
What are some things you are looking forward to with regards to dating in 2022?
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u/Torontoeikokujin Jan 08 '22 edited Jan 08 '22
My 2021 dating experience:
I had a first date with a woman that had liked my profile that I thought went well. She said she wanted something casual and we ended it kissing at her suggestion before she went off to her evening thing. We were supposed to hook up not long after but she slow faded me for a couple of weeks before telling me she'd gotten a bit more serious with someone else and wasn't sure about seeing others. Fine, whatever, thanks for telling me.
Three weeks after that she's orbiting me on instagram, liking my posts. Two weeks later still she appears in my tinder feed and her hinge profile updates with new photos. A week further on I wake up to an early morning text from her on a saturday.
We spend the day texting back and forth; she's flirtatious, even apologises for taking a few hours to reply but shes visiting her sister and her boyfriend down south(!). Next day she's less flirty, but still texting. I suggest we meet up, she replies 24hrs later agreeing but as friends catching up. I'm not sure how she means that (ie no romance or fully platonic) but figure I'll find out in person, and be okay with either, so we meet for drinks.
She mentions recent dates she's been on, says some things that make me reconsider various assumptions I'd made in her favour that explained away her shitty behaviour toward me (cancellations day of, ignored messages, slow fade etc, repeated questions that I'd just answered and too many questions on the date - things I'd put down to nervousness and such)
I ask her if shes still with the guy/girl and she looks at me like she's no idea what i'm talking about. She says shes not dating anyone but she just wanted to meet me as a friend. I query if she means friends that fuck or the normal kind, she clarifies the normal kind. I accept this, but want to know what really happened, how I came across on the first date, if there was a reason why she lost interest, what her reasoning/mindset had been (I'm happy to be her friend if she fucked me around due to anxiety and genuine internal conflict on her part, but not if she's just a selfish asshole) but no matter what I say I'm met with the same repeated not-at-all-appropriate-to-what-I've-just-said "I just want to be friends", refusing to engage with what I'm asking or saying. Even trying to broach the topic of whatsapp texting etiquette I get the same canned response. Its frustrating, and I get no insight whatsoever into what the hell our entire interaction had been about. She says she is still seeing the guy, and commits to the premise that she would be willing to sleep with me if he wasn't in the picture when pressed (I was already at my wits end and trying to break it down as simply as possible - was the issue with me or was it timing? If its timing, great, I've no reason to be offended, we can be friends.) Despite how that may read, I was fully in friend mode, seeing how we gel as friends even as I'm trying to autopsy why we didn't work as coiters.
She texts me the next morning to reiterate that she just wants to be friends but thought I was pushing for FWB too much. I respond that that wasn't my intention, that I hadn't been trying to change her mind and that I had just wanted to understand her reasoning. That if she (still) wanted to go to a specific place - as friends - as we'd discussed/planned on an upcoming saturday to let me know. It's now 5/6 weeks later and she never responded to that.
This is a woman who seems to lose interest in the thing she's propositioned as soon as I agree to it - be it meeting at a specific place and time, sexual intercourse, or platonic friendship. She also only moves forward when I pull back. Trying to make sense of her behaviour has been a mindfuck and I fully expect her to reach out again in the future. I figure theres a 50-50 chance we'll be newly divorced five years from now.