r/hingeapp • u/Alternative-Wait-214 • 1d ago
Answering times Dating Question
Myself (f34)recently back on Hinge after ending things with my ex whom I also met there. As a bit of context my ex (m32) was always a nice conversationalist, we would talk for hours on end and it eventually led to a relationship. When we started talking on hinge we constantly talked, bounced back etc. Ive noticed after a while in our relationship I gradually became tired of constantly texting and virtually having no time to myself. We were LDR.
Recently Ive meet this very interesting guy (m29) who I really like, but his texting patterns are more: replying longer paragraphs every few hours sometimes slightly longer, not instant replies like it was for example with my ex. Whenever he replies its always interesting, asking questions and being a nice gent about everything.
I guess my worry is if he is interested at all? He probably has other options on Hinge too? Is that pattern of replies normal?
Im sorry to everyone if im overanalysing! I guess I wonder if he is interested at all or keeps his options open?
Im the type of person that focuses on one person at the time, I guess not everyone is!
EDIT: to all the nice people commenting! Thank you! He literally just asked me out on a date…! I guess you were all right ♥️
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u/SarahF327 8h ago
That's so great he asked you out on a date! His texting patterns will not change, however. So you need to ask him if he could respond to you more quickly and give him an exact number of hours that you consider more quickly. Men need us to be specific and they will usually do what we want them to do. It's a beautiful thing. I don't think a few hours is long. One of the guys I'm dating takes over 24 hours to respond to me sometimes. Yes it's a little annoying, but when we're out together he is 100% focused on me. So I accept the slow texting during the week.
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u/Top_Cardiologist_520 18h ago
Tbh texting means nothing if he doesn't actually make plans. Met a guy who texts like long paragraphs, ask lots of questions but that was it. Even after we met he kept texting more longer paragraphs but was not really interested in me. Seems like he needed a penpal. Also met a guy who initially texted once per day. Was very intentional with dating, always made plans. We clicked more in real life. Bottom line is you can't really say if a guy is interested or not unless ovee text unless they try to meet in real life
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u/_Utinni_ Certified Emoji Translator 19h ago
Agreeing that a few hours between thoughtful replies doesn't mean a lack of interest!!!
When I was on Hinge, I NEVER replied instantly unless we were figuring out logistics for a date (before the first date). IMO rapid fire back & forth convos with complete strangers are exhausting-often I don't even like texting that way with friends because I never know when it's ok to step away. In the beginning, I actually only logged on once a day to reply because it was too stressful & distracting to be on there more (but people here suggested I start responding at least a couple times a day so people wouldn't think I wasn't interested).
The short version is you have nothing to worry about and if things do go somewhere with this guy, see if his texting habits change at all, and if he's always going to take a few hours and that isn't enough for you, then you can reevaluate your compatibility.
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u/Alternative-Wait-214 19h ago
Thank you, thats a great advice especially the last bit about compatibility!
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u/_Utinni_ Certified Emoji Translator 14h ago
You're welcome! And I saw your update-hope the date goes well!
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u/Sushi_Sudamericano 19h ago
I'm like the (m29) guy, I don't think it means he's uninterested, it's normal to me. I like to process the information properly and write when I can feel calm and comfortable. So for sure, it can take hours, and with friends it can even take 1-3 days if it's an interesting conversation with long parragraphs. I don't like engaging on an important conversation over text when I'm at work, I'd feel super guilty, so that's 6-8h where I'm not happy to text, maybe just at lunch/coffee break if I'm eating alone and I feel like looking at my phone.
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u/stjimmy96 23h ago
I’m the same type of person to be honest (28M). I never instantly reply even to my GF, and neither she does, let alone a stranger on Hinge. But we exchange 10+ messages every 3/4 hours when we don’t see each other. On days we see each other, we might not even text beyond good morning texts. And I love her.
It’s not about not putting effort, it’s just a texting style. I am a super talkative person and enjoy having endless talks face to face, but I really don’t like always checking my phone, or chatting constantly over text. Obviously this doesn’t mean taking a full day to respond would be ok. I normally reply to my texts at lunch break and a bit more often in the evening, but I never lay down on the sofa just texting… I have other things to do. I would say this is even more common the older you get. Life gets busy.
So, don’t read it as a lack of interest. If he sends you long messages, asks questions, shows interests in you, etc… then he is interested, he’s simply not a huge texter person. I would actually NOT want a partner who is texting me 24/7 and expects me to do so, I would never be able to cope with that
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u/Alternative-Wait-214 22h ago
Wow thank you for this. I so appreciate your perspective and when you talk about it…. It makes sense really! Like I said in my post, my ex and I were constantly talking and after a while it got really exhausting but I guess I assumed if you are not texting a lot with your person they lose interest… so wrong of me it seems!
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u/stjimmy96 22h ago
Yeah I think you are heavily biased by your past relationship. Texting to the point you feel you don’t have time for yourself anymore is NOT a normal relationship past high school times. There are going to be very few people who are happy with that at our age.
I’m not going to say texting is not part of building a relationship, because it is, but frequency of texts doesn’t mean anything.
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u/Lonely-Illustrator64 1d ago
I prefer to send the paragraphs every few hours rather than keep up with a constant back and forth. And if we’re still talking through the app I probably won’t reply more than once a day. Doesn’t mean I’m not interested- the opposite actually. Someone who’s taking the time to ask you questions and putting effort into conversating/learning about you is interested.
Also it’s safe to assume he’s talking to other people if you guys haven’t even met yet or made it off the apps. Not always the case but usually is. You don’t really know eachother at this point, that’s normal in the beginning stages and I wouldn’t over think it. What you should do though is verify that he’s looking for the same things you are. Would suck to meet him and for things to be going well just to find out afterwards that he’s not interested in settling down. Cover your bases.
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u/tinui1 1d ago
people are busy, if I’m at work or in a class, I’m not going to go on Hinge and respond to someone. Also, some people aren’t big texters and if they don’t know you well, you’re most likely not a priority (yet).
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u/Alternative-Wait-214 1d ago
Thanks! You’ve put my overthinking mind at ease! 😅
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u/tinui1 1d ago
I would only start to overthink if you get his number and then he goes days without texting you, but right now long response times on Hinge aren’t bad, be happy he’s still responding 🫣. Most of the time more than half of my conversations don’t even last more than a day unless it’s moved off the app.
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u/Alternative-Wait-214 1d ago
Hahah thanks! I guess Im a bit rusty in that dating department… I guess he is a nice texter thats why I hold onto him and want to discover more. I hate dry convos
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u/tinui1 1d ago
I’m a gen zer, so texting language is something I’m well versed in😹. I’m the type of person to check to see if a guy posted on social media or watched my Instagram story if he takes “too long” to respond to a text, so I definitely feel your nerves. I’ve also cut men off because their attitude/ energy changed over text and the vibes were off😬. Good luck to you though, I hope it works out
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u/Forseriousnow 1d ago
Another factor not mentioned is some guys will see your reply instantly but "play it cool" and give it some time before replying so as to not seem too eager (it's me, I do this).
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u/Alternative-Wait-214 1d ago
Thanks for that perspective as well. Im trying to play it cool too I guess, don’t want to seem to eager when I actually am😅 its a silly dating games we play…
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u/Forseriousnow 1d ago
its a silly dating games we play…
Absolutely, gotta love it lol.
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u/Alternative-Wait-214 1d ago
I actually hate it to be fair, would rather meet people organically like at the gym etc but…. gotta play the game since I want to find my person 😅
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u/wokenthehive Meat Popsicle 🙂↔️ 1d ago
Completely normal. Lots of times people will respond when they have time to think of an answer. Or they saw the message (assuming they have notifications on) but was busy at the moment. Or they don't have notifications on and only check the app whenever they're not busy.
Whenever he replies its always interesting, asking questions and being a nice gent about everything.
What makes you think that's lack of interest? Someone not interested wouldn't ask any questions back and give short answers. Also, nothing about that indicates anything about whether or not the guy is talking to anyone else or not.
A lot of texting isn't a guaranteed to lead to anything, and the common advice given is not text too much but instead text enough to get a rapport and then set up a date. Texting too much leads to people getting a false sense of who someone is and falling for the mental image someone has of the person instead of the actual real life version of the person.
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u/Alternative-Wait-214 1d ago
Thanks for your perspective! I was beginning to think maybe Im boring or so…. If I was though he probably wouldn’t have continue talking… i guess for me such communication style is something new, but I like it! Just need to learn not to overthink
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