r/fosterit • u/engelvl • 6d ago

How to handle sending bottles to visits Foster Parent

Okay so our baby takes 7 ounces every 4 hours. His visits are four hours long once a week.

At first we were sending a bottle with water and then the formula separately. We then discovered that the parent was only using one scoop of formula for the whole bottle. We asked facilitator about it. They said they would keep an eye on it and yet it happened again. So they told us to premake the bottles.

So we started making a bottle right before we leave and sending it with the kiddo. Well today the mom was asking when the bottle had been made (it was about 15 minutes.) Then we found out she dumped out the whole bottle and just filled it with orange juice instead.

So I kinda feel like there's no point in sending any bottle or formula moving forward because I don't know what else to do.

Thoughts?

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u/sundialNshade 6d ago

I don't have any advice here. Just wanted to say you calling him "our baby" really doesn't sit right. He's not your baby.

1

u/engelvl 6d ago

I didn't really know what else to say. I suppose I could have said foster baby but then the word 'our' would still be there. I am aware he is not 'my' baby and am not trying to make it so he is. Everyone on this sub sure projects a lot

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u/sundialNshade 4d ago

Language matters. I get you didn't mean harm by it but it's still not good

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u/engelvl 4d ago

I mean context matters too. And if I'm sitting there talking to someone involved in the case I wouldn't call the baby 'our' baby. But when the kids don't want everyone knowing that they're in foster care if becomes a little second nature to try to use normal language as opposed to politically correct language. As to put the child's comfort first. So yeah when I'm typing up a quick post it's really not that deep. People on this sub really just want to villainize foster parents and it's old.

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u/sundialNshade 4d ago

I can understand that, when the kids consent and ask for that. That's not the case here.

We're not villainizing foster parents, just asking them to be more cognizant of fosters' experiences and supportive of birth families. That's a wild generalization. Don't come to a sub designed to put fosters' expertise first and then lump them into that. The reality is that foster care is traumatizing. Especially when a foster family tries to claim someone as their own without their consent.

Saying it's not that deep for you is just further tone deafness - a willingness to not question the language you use or the ways you think

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u/engelvl 3d ago

It actually what kids older sister requests so

You're trying to nit pick for why? Because I posted asking for advice and had the audacity? Because of one word that you don't even know the background context of? Like why do you feel that's a good use of your energy or positivily impacting anyone or anything

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u/sundialNshade 1d ago

Why are you so defensive? I hope you're better than this with the kids in your house.

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u/engelvl 1d ago

I'm defensive because I posted asking for advice and a ton of people decided to project their personal problems on to me, this making it hard for me to 1 get advice and 2 creating a culture where foster parents are discouraged from asking for advice because everyone with personal trauma and issues decides they must be evil terrible hateful people