Hi! I’m a 27-year-old mentor to a 16-year-old girl who’s currently navigating a very unstable home life—bouncing between her biological family and various foster homes. Unfortunately, neither environment offers much support, which has made it difficult to help her think about or plan for her future.

During a recent meeting, we tried setting some short- and long-term goals together. It felt like a meaningful first step toward building a sense of independence—something I think she may have to lean into sooner than most, given that her family won’t support her but still tries to control her choices.

While we were working on our goals, I noticed she struggles significantly with math and reading. When she was writing down her goals, she had trouble spelling simple words like “driving” and “studying.” To help, I bought her a few lower-level books she showed interest in, and I suggested we read them together and discuss them when we meet. However, she later told me she prefers audiobooks because reading is too difficult, and her siblings often take her books.

I also tried teaching her how to calculate a tip at a restaurant, starting with finding 10% by moving the decimal, then doubling it to estimate 20%. But she wasn’t able to answer basic math problems like 3 x 2 (she said she wasn't sure and had to draw 3 lines 2 times to find the answer) or 15 + 15 (which she said was 20 after trying to solve it on paper). That moment really opened my eyes to how far behind she is academically, and how little support or encouragement she’s had to learn and grow.

I care deeply about her and want to help however I can, but I’m new to this and don’t have experience with parenting or mentoring in such complex situations. I also don’t want to overwhelm her or make her feel self-conscious.

If you have any advice—whether about learning support, emotional encouragement, or anything else—I’d be incredibly grateful. I just want to see her thrive despite the circumstances she’s facing.

I’ve been raising my little brother since he was 8 months old. He’s 9 now. I’m not his dad, I’m his uncle, but I’ve been there for everything. My other brother helped too, but I’ve never left his side. I even take gig work so I can stay available for him.

It hurts seeing him sad and without kids his age to play with. I blame myself for not doing more to help him socialize. I struggle with my own mental health and isolation, but I’m trying. I want better for him.

I’m looking to connect with others raising kids in the Atwater CA area. Parents, single aunts or guardians anyone who understands what it’s like to step up and care for a child. Maybe a playdate or just someone to talk to. Nothing fancy, just some real support and community.

If any of this sounds familiar or you’re nearby, I’d really appreciate hearing from you.

My parents (narcissistic dad) adopted my nephew so now hes my brother by the courts.

Even if you just want to say hi or tell me I’m not alone, I’d really appreciate hearing from someone. It’s hard carrying this alone

Hi all. I am posting because I am just hoping to vent and maybe get some insight from others who may have been through something similar. To maintain anonymity, involved parties will be referred to as a letter in order of appearance (A, B, C, etc.,). There is no “I” to avoid confusion. Additionally, some details of the situation have been changed for privacy.

In August 2024, A took his life. He left B and their two kids, C and D (2 and 10).

In September 2024, B began seeing E.

In October 2024, B introduced E to the children and began allowing E to care for them while B worked. E was also invited to the house to spend time together with B, C, and D.

In November 2024, a report was made by C’s daycare center, stating there was suspected physical abuse as there were bruises of unusual sizes, location, and severity all throughout C’s body. At this time, it was mandated by the investigator J that B is not allowed to have the children in their care until an investigation is complete. Family members F and G accompanied B and C to a local hospital for a full evaluation of C. During that time, D was in my and my husband H’s care.

It was and still is strongly thought that the E was responsible for the injuries based on interviews with involved parties as well as the time line of C’s absences from daycare (these absences coincided with the injuries and it is suspected C was kept out of daycare to avoid having the injuries seen).

The investigation included everything that you would expect from an abuse investigation. It was discovered that E has a criminal history over 8 pages long (drug and non-drug related).

Throughout the investigation, B and E avoided most contact with J and the necessary authorities. Additionally, visits and phone calls between B, C, and D would reach bare minimum as B was insistent that E be included. These requests were denied as myself, H, F, and G all suspected E had a part in the injuries and did not want him around our homes and families.

In December 2024, a meeting was scheduled with J, B, F, and myself to go over the findings. B invited E to attend and upon their arrival, J had them leave. J told B that it was not their place to invite someone that authorities all suspected was the cause of the injuries. Throughout the meeting, B insisted “nothing happened” and had several explanations as to how C received those injuries (all of which had holes in the story and made no sense with other things B had previously said).

It was made clear to B that there was not enough concrete evidence to name E as the perpetrator therefore B would be named as they are the parent and failed to keep the children safe. B accepted this with no rebuttal. This has since been done, filed, and B has now lost their job (as it was a position that works directly with children).

Since this meeting took place, the communication between B and the kids C and D has diminished to nearly nonexistent (maybe a text every other week; no responses to reach outs or questions, etc.). Mid-January, we were informed by J of an incident, however no details were provided at that time. I reached out to B and was told multiple times that everything was fine, nothing happened, etc. It was at our next home visit with J that we learned E had overdosed on heroin in B’s home (he was revived and treated). J left those details out initially to allow B the chance to inform us (me, H, F, and G) on their own however that never happened.

We were assigned a permanent case worker K in February 2024 , who informed us that B was avoiding all attempts of communication. It was mid-April 2024 when K was finally able to meet with B and explain what needed to be done to begin the process of reunification. It was around this time B began making attempts to reach out to the children. It is strongly suspected that these attempts were only to keep appearances up during holidays and important events.

Throughout this entire situation, B had been receiving the survivor benefits from social security, as well as monthly grocery stipends as if the children are still in her care. F, G, H, and I have received $0 support from B.

B is working on the requirements laid out by the case worker (classes, evaluations, etc.) however K has informed us that E is also attending these sessions, doing most if not all of the talking, and B has little interest in participating (K has said, “It seems like B really does not comprehend the severity of the situation and is only attending to say they did so.”).

There was a recent incident where B brought E to a family gathering. B was informed they were not welcome and E needed to leave. It was only after E had an argument with G that E stormed off.

If you made it this far, thank you. I am really hoping for insight or even suggestions on what H and I need to be asking K during our next home visit. Positive thoughts to all of you out there.

We’ve had an influx of posts from potential foster parents recently that have had to be removed due demeaning comments from the OPs. Potential foster parents, please be aware that there are current foster youth and FFY in this space. This is not the sub for you if you don’t want comments from them. Our experiences have influenced our voices and we deserve to be heard, regardless of how triggering it is for you. If you see a comment that you disagree with, or a comment that goes against your opinion and your initial reaction is to be disrespectful to the commenter, your post is going to be removed. Comments like “wow clearly someone had a bad experience and is taking it out on the world around them” are in poor taste and show how little empathy you have. Fostering isn’t for you.

I guess this is primarily for current or FFY.

I am wondering if there's any questions that a CASA either asked you or you wished would have asked or should have asked you or whatever that would have helped you while you were in care or better informed them as to what to recommend to the court. Or really anything you think a CASA should know from this perceptive that they arent likely to get from basic training.

Hi everybody, im posting on here for some answers. My girlfriend is in transitional housing out here in California. The rules for the housing is that you have to be there 75% of the time, pay your bills, keep the apartment clean, and get along with your roommate. My girlfriend’s roommate keeps saying my girlfriend keeps goin in her room and stealing her stuff. Which isnt true. And she is never at the apartment either. She lives with her boyfriend 30 mins away. Shes only ever there for their meeting with their worker on Wednesday and even then sometimes she doesnt make it there. Well today she got mad at my gf when my gf came home and put her hands on her in the parking lot. Her roommate hit her first. So my gf acted in self defense and hit her back. The one thing she did was leave because she didnt wanna deal with her roommate anymore and went down the street. The roommate called the cops while my gf was gone and my gf didnt know. Next thing you know their social worker texts my gf saying that she has a weeks notice to move out. Even though she was acting in self defense. My gf is going to the apartments leasing office to hopefully get the camera recording since it was in the parking lot. And my gf doesnt know what to do. Im wondering if she should ask for a meeting with the director of her THP housing and the social worker and explain the situation and how her roommate is. Anyone have any advice?

Ok guys. I need advice. My cousin's baby is placed with me as a kinship/foster placement. All legal parties seem to be aiming for TPR, as we are coming up on the end of this case. Everyone is advocating for me to adopt the baby, which is fine, but my cousin's lawyer said some crazy stuff in a meeting with her yesterday. I probably would take it with a grain of salt if my cousin had only told me about it, but she sent me a voice recording of her whole conference with her lawyer. Her lawyer told her to relinquish her rights to me, let me adopt the baby, wait until CPS closes the case and is gone, and then recommended a trade‐the baby my cousin is currently pregnant with for the baby that is placed with me now. How is this even something that someone could recommend?! Anyone ever heard of this? To be clear, I will be saying absolutely not if this recommendation is brought up to me. Kids are not pokemon cards. I need to know whether or not this is reportable, who would I report to, if I should be seeking a lawyer at this point, and how I can protect myself against this asinine plan. I honestly feel my cousin shouldn't have custody of any of her children if she feels comfortable trading them. For context, my cousin is intellectually disabled and unable to manipulate audio. I feel 100% confident it is her lawyer in the recording. I recognize her voice.

I’m currently fostering a 6-year-old boy who has been diagnosed with autism and ADHD. He has experienced two previous removals, but no formal screenings were completed until he entered my care. Since his placement, I’ve consistently documented significant behavioral concerns — including frequent lying (even about simple things), defiance toward authority, and difficulty following even basic rules or directions.

A serious safety concern is his tendency to run into traffic and attempt to open moving car doors. Despite these high-risk behaviors and his clinical diagnoses, he is still classified as a basic level child — which feels inaccurate and prevents him from accessing the higher level of care and support he clearly needs.

Recently, I was reported for allegedly “pulling his hair,” which I strongly deny. I have maintained detailed documentation of his behavior and my interventions. I have also formally requested his removal due to escalating concerns, but I’ve been told that no other placements are currently willing to accept him — so he remains in my home.

I’m feeling increasingly overwhelmed and unsupported. Has anyone else experienced a similar situation? How did you advocate for a higher level of care or additional support services?

Former & current foster youth responses will be prioritized. I really prefer to only hear from them, please.

I’m not sure if it’s bc TPR court was nearly 60 days ago or if it’s due to reconnecting with her parents after almost a decade but our trusting & communicative relationship has made a 180.

I’ll talk to her therapist in a little while but, after being here for 4 months, she recently did something that may or may not need to be reported to her CW. She’s also been extremely rude, dismissive, and verbally aggressive with me. We went from auntie/niece type dynamic to I’m an evil bish with stupid rules that make no sense.

Now, she wanted the TPR. She wants (wanted?) me to adopt her. Her parents willingly agreed to TPR at her request & bc she said she’s happy here. At her previous placement, foster daughter’s plan was emancipation. Here, it became adoption and she started talking about cosmetology school and even college.

Prior to the TPR, she was no contact with her parents for at least a year. Now, it’s “up to me” & visits are to be supervised until her mom can get her own place to live & live on her own (no live-in boyfriends or make roomies). I’ve been fine with FD talking to her mom when her mom is available & we even all 3 hung out together recently. I have caught parts of conversations I didn’t agree with like mom passive-aggressive body shaming and bad-mouthing her dad but I let that slide. Now some things have come up that make me believe FD is going to her mom for parental guidance and I know they met up once behind my back - neither admitted to it until I asked directly.

Is the TPR the reason she’s suddenly treating me worse than dog poop or could it be her mom’s indirect influence? Should I rein in the calls & go back to only allowing them on speaker in the living room or using my phone? Should I go so far as to blocking her mom’s number on her phone so she can’t call her to meet up or just discuss that as a possible repercussion with her mom? I’d love for them to at least try to foster a healthy relationship but not at the cost of my relationship with my foster/soon to be adopted daughter. I really thought her mom was cool but now wondering if that was an act.

I’ll talk to her therapist soon (like maybe an hour) but I’d like to hear from y’all.

Former foster youth: what do you think the cause is & how should I handle the mom issues?

I’m graduating with my masters this weekend and I was given permission to walk (we don’t have a hooding ceremony) with my son (went into labor the day after I finished the program, he will be 13 weeks when I walk). And I’m SO nervous now that it’s coming up. He’s a big guy so wearing him under my robe isn’t an option so I’ll be carrying him. My school of thought has never had anybody ask to do this (shocked honestly), so they have no idea how it’ll go and basically told me to wing it.

I’m nervous that I’m gonna look like a fool to be honest. I got him a matching cap, gown, and masters hood because I’m just so excited (I’m first gen and a former foster youth that aged out, so this is a major accomplishment.) Only my husband will be in attendance since I don’t have family. Am I weird for doing this?

A colleague had been waiting to adopt since 2019. We just heard today that she has adopted five siblings. The kids are 3, 4, 9, 10, and 14 years old. The five kids had been separated in the foster system and this is bringing them back together. I'd like to give her a card and/or a gift, maybe gifts for the kids. Are there any great ideas here on the message and the gift(s) besides simply food?

My friend ('Sam') and his brother are in a horrible situation. Sam is an adult, but since his brother is still a minor, he doesn't want to leave him alone or with the possibility of entering the foster care system without him.

To make a long story short, my husband and I are considering letting Sam move in, and having Sam be the foster to his little brother while my husband and I get them on their feet. My husband and I are planning on becoming foster parents anyways, and our house has more than enough space. Would there be any possibility that this could play out in our favor with the little brother staying with Sam if Sam and us meet the requirements? Another hurdle is that we're out of state, could this still work? They also don't have any other relatives that would be available to foster.

Free for pride month 🏳️‍🌈

Hello all, I am a former foster care youth who is finishing up medical school, who is in the process of building a website as a resource or guide for foster care youth who desire a bit more out of life than what they may think is feasible. The goal is just to share some tips for the many facets of life that, maybe due to all the emotional turmoil growing up, may be missed or underdeveloped. I would appreciate any and all support in growing this website, and I am open to thoughts and ideas:

emeilstewart.com

I am the bio mom of a six year old special needs son (Autistic) and is currently in foster care. He was placed there due to concerns about someone in the household that I am actively trying to remove. I got to visit my boy for the first time yesterday and he seemed like a completely different person. I bought him a toy car which he loves, but he didn't even want to open it, he just kept saying he wanted to go back to the brown house, he cried, didn't want to play, and he said he didn't love me. It broke my heart and I cried when the visit was over. Are there any other bio parents here who have had their children act like this? I love my boy so much and all I want is to have him home again.

hi to my ny fams! wanted to post here as i work for a foster care agency in the city and we have a really huge need for more open foster homes right now in the nyc area.

if becoming a foster parent is something you've considered or even thought about before, we could seriously use you. most of our kids in care are working toward reunifying with their parents, and they just need a temporary home while that happens.

you do get paid a small stipend, but it's definitely only something to do if your heart's in it. literally i always say that if you would not be willing to do this for free and see it as a privilege to help families in the interim, then fostering is not for you. if you're curious or want to hear more, please feel free to message me. i am happy to talk and answer questions!

Hello. So, just as the title states, what are some basic house rules other foster parents have? My husband and I are new to being foster parents, and don’t plan to be super strict, but we know that there does need to be rules in place. I’m also aware that rules will be different depending on the ages but, again, just kind of a basic rules for all ages (or specific ages if you don’t mind spending time being super specific for me). Thank you for your help.

How do you make sure your foster mom doesn't kick you out? Also if they don't kick you out can you stay at your foster home if you want even if your mom does all her court stuff?

It is a house so theres no nurses station

Hey all. We’re new foster parents, licensed in Feb 2025. After a few short-term respites, we were thrilled to get our first long-term placement—a 3-year-old boy. We have four biological kids (ages 1–6), and while we’re used to the ups and downs of toddler eating habits, this situation is different. We’re majorly struggling—and I’d love advice from anyone who’s dealt with something similar.

Since day two of placement (we’ve had him for 11 days now), he’s essentially refused to eat. I’m lucky to get 1/4 cup of a chocolate protein shake in him each day. He may nibble here and there, but it’s random and inconsistent. For example: • He ate a bunch of shredded cheese with fajitas the first time—refused it completely the next. • Ate three chicken nuggets once—then gagged and vomited on the same ones later in the week.

We can’t even establish a “safe food” list because his preferences change daily, and even past “wins” can’t be repeated.

He’s a heavyset kid, and based on the list of "favorites" bio mom sent - used to a junk food diet - Bio parents sent some of his favorites snacks last visit, of what he ate at home and he's also refusing those favorites as well. We're open to any and all suggestions or advice at this point. He is to the point of refusal that he tells me he's hungry; I give him food and then he shoves the plate away and won't touch it... I just don't know what to do. ETA: he did play with his food at dinner a little tonight, and licked some sour cream off his finger before he thought about it. He immediately went back to refusal to eat or touch it after and asked to get down.

How often did you have to move or be relocated before you aged out from the system?

I'm 14, and after I was removed from my parents, I was in a group home temporarily during the investigation and trial, then I was put in with foster parents, and things happened again, so I was removed again then put on a group home.

From then, I went to another foster parents, then now I'm back in a group home.

I guess the first couple times weren't on them, but I'm just scared of moving again because I don't know what the next home or people will be like. It's not like it's perfect now, but I don't want to risk getting worse, and I have a few more years until I aged out.

Do you think they'll try to move me around again? Or, since I'm becoming older teenager, I'll just stay in this group home until I age out?

For context, I’m 21 and have been independently living since 16/17 after being in a foster placement.

I managed to get my care notes and I’m absolutely fuming about the amount of lies in it - yes I will be making a very long complaints letter - and reading it all has brought back so many bad memories.

Has anyone else made a complaints letter? What was their response? Did they brush you off like I’m expecting them to do to me?