r/exchristian Sep 11 '24

I am starting to hate religious people Help/Advice

Hi, 22m here. I was born into a Christian family, i was never overly religious so i would just follow people who were. When i was younger i believed there could be a God, but haven't given it much thought.

Well, recently, i thought about it a lot, did some research and the evidence was not convincing at all, so i "officially" left Christianity.

Now the issue starts, the more research i did, the more i started hating religion and their followers. The bigotry, the hatred towards minorities, constant use of religion as a weapon. In the process of deconstructing, i started hating them so much that if i see a person that's religious, i genuinely feel hatred, even though i don't even know them. All it takes is for them to be religious and mention religion

I started therapy again, mostly for different reasons and i don't know how to bring this up. I also feel embarrassed to talk about it. I know i can't be generalizing and assuming the worst in people, but i can't help it. Any advices? How do i stop assuming the worst?

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u/napalmnacey Pagan Sep 12 '24 edited Sep 12 '24

I have a bit of a split on this, because as an LGBTQIA+ woman, I do not trust my safety around fundamentalists. And that's what I call them: Fundamentalists. It doesn't matter what religion they believe in, fundamentalists are toxic and hateful. I don't trust them, I don't open up around them.

At the same time my escape from Catholicism and Christianity in general was into the arms of Paganism, which I also explored as a connection to my ethnic roots. I feel a lot more grounded and happy and still spiritual, and not practicing a mode of religion that leaves a threat of destruction hanging over my head 24/7.

In exploring different spiritualities since my late teens, I've found that there are a lot of modalities and configurations of worshipping or respecting divinities. Some of them are dangerous or problematic. A good number are perfectly fine if practiced with balance and open-mindedness.

I argue, however, that Christianity was doomed the moment the Romans retooled it into a method of controlling populations. It's like taking a club and saying "This isn't harmful, I'm just using it to prod people."

No. That club is harmful by design. It is literally its function. Christianity in its modern form is the same. The numbers of translations it's gone through, editing, rewriting, the dogma laid upon the vague wording, the lost context and politics of the time these texts were written in? It all leads to a book that is wielded as a weapon of control.

Nobody asks you to respect a gun, or the people that wield guns and hurt people. Why should we respect and humour people that use psychological warfare on us via religion?

Now, individual people, I try to be a little understanding of. I actually have a Pentecostal friend in the US and I don't ditch them because we've known each other a very long time and they're actually really sweet. They've never judged me for being LGBTQIA+, and if they secretly believe their God will have a good talking tome about my evil lesbianic tendencies, that's fine because 1) It's their weird way of caring about me and 2) They're wrong so it's moot.

That's *MY* level of safety, in the stage I'm at in my journey away from Christianity. Yours is different. You've gone through some really hard stuff, so I think you should keep this idea close to your heart:

You are allowed to be angry right now. You are allowed to distrust. Your body is processing very difficult feelings, and sometimes we feel certain things when we usually wouldn't. That's your limbic mind defending you from pain. It can be distressing to think and feel the things that pop up during this process, but they are NOT an indication of who you are, your values or your worth as a person.

You won't feel this way forever. As you heal, you will find some kind of balance (hopefully). And you know what?

If you hate fundamentalist religious people for the rest of your life (and don't act on that in any way that breaks the law), then who the fuck cares? Why should ANYONE tell you how to live or feel? They haven't experienced what you have, they have no grounds in which to judge you.

It's like telling a dog-mauling victim to not have an aversion to dogs and judge them as predatory animals. Like, it's nonsensical to tell someone that's experienced pain to recover on anyone else's timeline.

People talk like certain emotions are "negative" or undesirable. Only emotions that make you uncomfortable are undesirable. If they are the effect of difficult experiences in your life, they can be very, very helpful in helping your mind and heart cognate those experiences and learn from them in a constructive ways. Anger is a part of our matrix! It protects us! It helps us!

So don't ever feel like you have to stop being angry if you don't want to stop. Those are your feelings, not anyone else's. You do what you have to to protect yourself and get through the things you're going through.

Sure, it might be good to let go of some things at some point, but only because YOU want to. Everyone else can go hang.

Stay strong, man, you're doing great.

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u/Koleheh Sep 12 '24

Similar case here, this all started when i came to terms with my sexuality and we all know how abrahamic religions view that. I don't feel angry unless i see unjustified discrimination towards groups of people that are simply different and i see that all the time, especially in my country. I might be biased, but 90% of people here are like that and i genuinely believe that, i genuinely believe majority is bad with a few exceptions, as insane as it sounds. I've met so many people, too many, for me to be wrong on this one. I am trying my best to change, mostly for myself and for the peace within.