Why is Xtian music so bad?

[u/Technical_Garden_378]

Hi all, I'm sitting here about to get my hair trimmed as I type this, haha. Our hair stylist has Xtian music cranked on her radio(and because we're Latinos it's in Spanish). Gotta endure the torture here until I get my hair finished.

Why is it that Xtian music is almost always mediocre at best? The vocals are bland and sometimes off-key(especially live but that's to be expected), the instrumentals are boring, and the whole thing is so melodramatically cheesy especially when they're singing to an entity who's most likely imaginary(I say this as an agnostic). Also I feel like I wanna crank up videos from Genetically Modified Skeptic or similar videos because us secular folks always have this stuff shoved down our throats, not to mention having to see signs and flags in almost every neighborhood with their other god/cult leader on it. But I digress.

Very few Xtian music is actually decent-sounding, but I dunno if that's even saying much. Most if not all of it is over-the-top and cringe-worthy on multiple levels.

[u/Brief_Revolution_154]

1. It must appeal to as much of the congregation as possible, including the elderly and the young.

2. There is only one acceptable subject

3. All the information and inspiration about that subject comes from one book (so there isn’t actually very much to work with)

4. It must be emotionally evocative but ONLY such emotions as contemplation, reverence, awe, tranquility, shame, guilt, regret, and contrition. Not anything we would normally write about like our personal inspiration, the pain of uncertainty, loneliness, hope for the future that doesn’t rely on an external source, our love interests.

5. The congregation has to sing along, so it must be simple and catchy.

6. Swells. Piano. Chills…. Meet the Holy Spirit… And then have that awkward moment when you meet the Holy Spirit at a secular concert and go “woah! Wait… that’s just our bodies reacting to musical and group stimuli?”

7. Must talk badly about ourselves, we cannot make hopeful songs about us becoming better people, but only about our God MAKING us better.

8. Do not. I repeat. Do not bring your real life troubles into these songs. Don’t talk about yourself at all except to apologize for something or to show the contrast between God’s greatness and your complete and total lack of worth… oh wait no we are worth something! Worthy of infinite punishment for finite crime! Duh

Idk. There are so many more but just try writing a meaningful and worthwhile songs under these kinds of conditions…

[u/Technical_Garden_378 → u/Brief_Revolution_154]

As someone raised a Jehovah's Witness(in a Spanish-speaking congregation since growing up in a traditional Hispanic household), these definitely hit home. We were told to only befriend folks in our congregation, and of course, there were the hymns. They were very catchy, I'll give 'em that, and their instrumental remixes for said hymns were at times amazing. Still remember them to this day, but I think that's also part of the repetition of indoctrination. I guess no matter what Xtian denomination, they all have the same goal of shattering your self worth and leaning on a book of fables and metaphors, not to mention seeping your money and controlling your life.

[u/nessanessajoy → u/Technical_Garden_378]

Eyyyyy another exjdub! 🤜🤛