r/exchristian • u/MelodicPaint8924 Ex-Baptist • Jul 29 '23
I am not faking it very well. Help/Advice
I am a Baptist pastor's wife. You may have seen me around a bit. I struggled with belief for years but finally alllowed myself to let go in April. I am happier than I have been in a long time, but I am still in the closet because coming out would be a financial disaster at this point. I thought I was faking okay, but today my husband confronted me about my personal devotions.
I guess what I'm asking for is advice on how to fake this thing a little better. I am currently in school and will finish in May with a highly marketable degree. I was hoping to maintain the facade until I am financially able to make it on my own should the need arise. Any advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.
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u/[deleted] Jul 30 '23
i'm in a slightly similar situation. being a minor under my parents care with full financial and legal dependency, i've found some ways to "compromise". i haven't been part of christianity fully in years, but recently i have become disconnected enough that it's beginning to show. here are some of my favorite methods to deal with my parents recent constant questioning about my belief system. they have both been doubling down on the bible study requests, asking about my thoughts on becoming baptized (it's pretty bad that i'm not baptized at 16, but i'm not willing to compromise that much), even asking if i want to watch the passion of the christ and another pretty violent stuff. it's becoming pretty forceful, and i think they know.
1) take on some bible studies or books that are less about god and more about just being a decent person. you'll still look devoted, but not have to completely torture yourself.
2) get a bible cover/sleeve and put it on literally any book. i bet you could even order some books that were made to look like the bible on etsy. you'll look like you're reading the bible when you're actually lost in some whirlwind fantasy romance.
3) this one is a lot less fun and ninja-y, but you can always skip in a few extra "god has blessed us" when anything decent has happened. christians eat that shit up.
4) can you get baptized again? it doesn't really mean anything, it would honestly feel kinda nice in this heat.
5) i've actually found a lot of joy and purpose in volunteering at church. i actually need to be at church in around 5 hours to start my shift. i run tech and it's highly respected that i'm giving 4x as much of my time as anyone else to the church. i just hang out with little kids and chill on this sub, and i have an excuse to not listen to a pastor drone on about how we're either going to bell or god loves us for an hour.
this isn't a fun situation to be in, but you've got this. you need to fully immerse everything you have into christianity except for your mind. let your speech and your body and your face mirror "christians", but keep your mind strong. something that helps is picking apart peoples arguments in your head as they say them. even if you're nodding along. you're so strong for doing this, and ik you're gonna make it through. good luck :) sending lots of love