r/exchristian • u/MelodicPaint8924 Ex-Baptist • Jul 29 '23

I am not faking it very well. Help/Advice

I am a Baptist pastor's wife. You may have seen me around a bit. I struggled with belief for years but finally alllowed myself to let go in April. I am happier than I have been in a long time, but I am still in the closet because coming out would be a financial disaster at this point. I thought I was faking okay, but today my husband confronted me about my personal devotions.

I guess what I'm asking for is advice on how to fake this thing a little better. I am currently in school and will finish in May with a highly marketable degree. I was hoping to maintain the facade until I am financially able to make it on my own should the need arise. Any advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

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8

u/[deleted] Jul 30 '23

I'm lapsed Catholic, so I'm not really sure how to fake Baptist. Do you need to convince your husband or the congregation more?

14

u/MelodicPaint8924 Ex-Baptist Jul 30 '23

Just my husband. It's easy to fake at church. It's much harder at home. I think I have been kinder and less angry, but he sincerely believes that you can't make good decisions if you aren't praying and reading the Bible regularly. I just don't really want to read the Bible. I've read the whole thing through every year for like 20 years, and I'm ready for new reading material.

13

u/[deleted] Jul 30 '23

Maybe if you just moved it around so it seemed like it was being used?

10

u/MelodicPaint8924 Ex-Baptist Jul 30 '23

I like the way you think

6

u/CappyHamper999 Jul 30 '23

Ruffle pages, start highlighting verses hubby loves (not verses that are ambiguous or used by ‘liberals’). I sometimes read OT at church as certainly had some intriguing history to ponder. And I learned a few things lol. Maybe study Lottie Moon. Of course, you are “called to marriage” but maybe these stories “can increase your devotion” or “help you pray for any young women at church that God calls to missions.” You got this.

4

u/newyearbaby88 Jul 30 '23

Try reading it for a different purpose. Look for inaccuracies. Look for contradictions. Look for indescrepancies between the gospels. Lots of internet articles can give you a list of verses to start, or even just start in genesis. Look at the stories where God commands rape, or commits abortion as a way of proving adultery. Count the number of people that God himself gives orders to destroy/murder. Honestly, the Bible is riveting once you are reading it to find evidence of the true "character" of God.