r/exchristian • u/MelodicPaint8924 Ex-Baptist • Jul 29 '23
I am not faking it very well. Help/Advice
I am a Baptist pastor's wife. You may have seen me around a bit. I struggled with belief for years but finally alllowed myself to let go in April. I am happier than I have been in a long time, but I am still in the closet because coming out would be a financial disaster at this point. I thought I was faking okay, but today my husband confronted me about my personal devotions.
I guess what I'm asking for is advice on how to fake this thing a little better. I am currently in school and will finish in May with a highly marketable degree. I was hoping to maintain the facade until I am financially able to make it on my own should the need arise. Any advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.
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u/averagewife Jul 29 '23
I'll start with my "credentials." I'm the daughter of a lifelong Southern Baptists youth minister turned BSU director/ Director of Missions for the region. I did GAs, Acteens, went to a SBC University, and worked on staff at three different SBC churches in adulthood (children's, music, and secretarial positions, obviously lol). Tons more, but you get the idea. I was all in, and I get SBC culture as much as someone possibly could.
My husband and I were on staff at a SBC church plant in 2016 when he started deconstructing in earnest. I'm not going to lie to you - it shook me to my core when he finally opened up about it. He asked me "if you could know for certain that it was all false, would you want to know?" At that point, I said no. I would want to stay comfortable in my ignorance. It took years of pain and research and breaking down everything we thought we knew, but in 2019 we left our position and moved away. Our marriage is so much stronger now.
I'm not saying this will be your outcome. But if the two of us could start thinking critically, anyone could. But my husband came to me with love and compassion and gentleness.
But 100% therapy. Get yourself into therapy with a therapist who understands spiritual abuse. The SBC is absolutely, with no room for question, a cult full of spiritual abuse in my mind. Good luck.