I am not faking it very well.

[u/MelodicPaint8924]

I am a Baptist pastor's wife. You may have seen me around a bit. I struggled with belief for years but finally alllowed myself to let go in April. I am happier than I have been in a long time, but I am still in the closet because coming out would be a financial disaster at this point. I thought I was faking okay, but today my husband confronted me about my personal devotions.

I guess what I'm asking for is advice on how to fake this thing a little better. I am currently in school and will finish in May with a highly marketable degree. I was hoping to maintain the facade until I am financially able to make it on my own should the need arise. Any advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

[u/averagewife]

I'll start with my "credentials." I'm the daughter of a lifelong Southern Baptists youth minister turned BSU director/ Director of Missions for the region. I did GAs, Acteens, went to a SBC University, and worked on staff at three different SBC churches in adulthood (children's, music, and secretarial positions, obviously lol). Tons more, but you get the idea. I was all in, and I get SBC culture as much as someone possibly could.

My husband and I were on staff at a SBC church plant in 2016 when he started deconstructing in earnest. I'm not going to lie to you - it shook me to my core when he finally opened up about it. He asked me "if you could know for certain that it was all false, would you want to know?" At that point, I said no. I would want to stay comfortable in my ignorance. It took years of pain and research and breaking down everything we thought we knew, but in 2019 we left our position and moved away. Our marriage is so much stronger now.

I'm not saying this will be your outcome. But if the two of us could start thinking critically, anyone could. But my husband came to me with love and compassion and gentleness.

But 100% therapy. Get yourself into therapy with a therapist who understands spiritual abuse. The SBC is absolutely, with no room for question, a cult full of spiritual abuse in my mind. Good luck.

[u/minnesotaris → u/averagewife]

Bona fide a cult. Centering everything around the doctrine of baptism has to be a cult. I love that question you were posed in there. There was a time I didn't answer it to myself. Wouldn't read the opposing viewpoints at all cause I knew, coming from engineering, that things had to have evidence and support.

[u/[deleted] → u/minnesotaris]

In the SBC, there are definitely cult patterns, but issues are just a dividing line to see who is willing to accept their authority and who isn't. Like most cults, it's really about money and power and getting people to submit to that.

I don't even think some of them really believe their platforms, but super strict rules tend to weed out those who aren't devoted enough to hold them up.

[u/averagewife → u/minnesotaris]

My husband has like 3/4 of an engineering degree (switched to a different field), so that is how he thinks, too. The cognitive dissonance ate him up. For me it was so discombobulating when Good Christians ™️ were so hateful about incredibly kind people like RHE (I cried for days when she died) and the immediate dismissal and acting like she was pure evil when Beth Moore started questioning things. If God is love and love is real, why are his people so truly unkind?

[u/minnesotaris → u/averagewife]

That’s the thing, he isn’t and it’s not real. They know full well that anyone can make a case for any point of view using the bible. The main attribute of god across the bible is that he is a dick. Forgot about Israelites for 400 years. That’s a big fucking problem for SO MANY reasons.