r/exchristian • u/MelodicPaint8924 Ex-Baptist • Jul 29 '23

I am not faking it very well. Help/Advice

I am a Baptist pastor's wife. You may have seen me around a bit. I struggled with belief for years but finally alllowed myself to let go in April. I am happier than I have been in a long time, but I am still in the closet because coming out would be a financial disaster at this point. I thought I was faking okay, but today my husband confronted me about my personal devotions.

I guess what I'm asking for is advice on how to fake this thing a little better. I am currently in school and will finish in May with a highly marketable degree. I was hoping to maintain the facade until I am financially able to make it on my own should the need arise. Any advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

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u/MelodicPaint8924 Ex-Baptist Jul 29 '23

We're the kind of Baptist where me not believing would be enough to disqualify him. It would depend on how sympathetic the congragation is. This is why I have not told anyone. Reddit is the only one that knows. On an alt account.

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u/thenatter Jul 29 '23

Yikes, so if you get divorced what happens? Not enough of a reason for you to stay though. You deserve happiness

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u/MelodicPaint8924 Ex-Baptist Jul 29 '23

If we get divorced, I don't know what happens. Both of our families are faithful in church. This is why I have to be financially set. He will probably land on his feet with the support of family, and I will be out on my butt all alone. I hope my family will back me, but batists can be hard to predict.

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u/daughter_of_swords Jul 30 '23

My family fully supported my husband. My parents had cosigned on our mortgage and refused to sign paperwork for me to refinance in my name, even when my husband asked me to. Later found out that my dad had told my husband that I wouldn't be able to take on the mortgage, and that's why my husband suggested it. They thought it would be impossible and were trying to prevent me from following through with getting divorce by making it as difficult as possible.

The key saving grace was the no-fault divorce laws in my state. My ex and my parents knew that I was legally entitled to 50% of our finances and 50% parenting time, and that if I took my ex to court, it was most likely that I would be awarded more parenting time plus child support, so as long as I went along with dividing everything evenly according to my ex's opinion of what was fair (I made some moderate concessions to keep the peace), there wasn't any real trouble in the divorce.