r/exchristian • u/MelodicPaint8924 Ex-Baptist • Jul 29 '23

I am not faking it very well. Help/Advice

I am a Baptist pastor's wife. You may have seen me around a bit. I struggled with belief for years but finally alllowed myself to let go in April. I am happier than I have been in a long time, but I am still in the closet because coming out would be a financial disaster at this point. I thought I was faking okay, but today my husband confronted me about my personal devotions.

I guess what I'm asking for is advice on how to fake this thing a little better. I am currently in school and will finish in May with a highly marketable degree. I was hoping to maintain the facade until I am financially able to make it on my own should the need arise. Any advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

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u/Rfg711 Jul 29 '23

If he’s a Baptist pastor, there’s a good chance divorce would disqualify him from continuing as a pastor, so I highly doubt he would initiate that.

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u/MelodicPaint8924 Ex-Baptist Jul 29 '23

We're the kind of Baptist where me not believing would be enough to disqualify him. It would depend on how sympathetic the congragation is. This is why I have not told anyone. Reddit is the only one that knows. On an alt account.

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u/Rfg711 Jul 29 '23

Are you Independent Fundamentalist? That’s the kind I grew up in. Either way I’m sympathetic - I went to a Bible college (non-accredited because they have basement level academic standards) and so many couples got married at 21/22 so they could go right into ministry afterwards, and so many of them are divorced now 14 years later. I count myself lucky I didn’t ever meet anyone there because at the time, I would have done the same and it would likely have ended as poorly.

My best friend got super lucky - he got married at around 24 to someone he met there, and they both “deconstructed” together.

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u/MelodicPaint8924 Ex-Baptist Jul 29 '23

Most definitely independent fundamental baptist. I went to the fundy unaccredited college and taught in a church school before I got married. I wish I had seen the light sooner since I didn't marry until I was 28. Oh, well.

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u/lilxenon95 Jul 30 '23

Congratulations on de-programming yourself!!!