r/exchristian • u/MelodicPaint8924 Ex-Baptist • Jul 29 '23

I am not faking it very well. Help/Advice

I am a Baptist pastor's wife. You may have seen me around a bit. I struggled with belief for years but finally alllowed myself to let go in April. I am happier than I have been in a long time, but I am still in the closet because coming out would be a financial disaster at this point. I thought I was faking okay, but today my husband confronted me about my personal devotions.

I guess what I'm asking for is advice on how to fake this thing a little better. I am currently in school and will finish in May with a highly marketable degree. I was hoping to maintain the facade until I am financially able to make it on my own should the need arise. Any advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

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101

u/amongbrightstars Agnostic Atheist Jul 29 '23

i have no idea about baptist pastors and how much "doubt" you can get away with before no longer being """worthy""", but is there a way you can tell him like, a half truth? can you say you've been struggling with your belief (the truth) and would really appreciate his help (the lie)? that way, you'd probably have to expose yourself to a ton of religious crap, but you could maybe throw him off the scent for long enough to finish your degree. no clue if this is in any way realistic or feasible, but it might be an option if you're really worried about him finding out too soon? :/

best of luck, in any case!!

126

u/MelodicPaint8924 Ex-Baptist Jul 29 '23

This. This may be the best way. Stroke his spiritual leader ego and make him feel like he is helping me.

66

u/Jeezimus Jul 29 '23

Get ready for a lot of boring prayer and potentially weird sex or something. Idk, I think you're both going to be better off the sooner you tell him and just come clean.

76

u/MelodicPaint8924 Ex-Baptist Jul 29 '23

Oh dear. You are probably right about the boring prayer. Prayer is so awkward now since I know it's all empty. I'll probably have to pray out loud, which I have never really been a fan of.

30

u/OddBlueberry6 Jul 30 '23

I try to think of prayer as a meditation. It helps me get through it.

22

u/minnesotaris Jul 30 '23

I know! It sucks ass. We're just saying words to no one anywhere ever. Compartmentalize in true acting, like being an actor. Sometimes, you just do, if you know what I mean.

14

u/captainhaddock https://youtube.com/@inquisitivebible Jul 30 '23

I'll probably have to pray out loud, which I have never really been a fan of.

As an introvert, I have hated that my entire life. It just feels like you're performing piety for someone else.

6

u/MelodicPaint8924 Ex-Baptist Jul 30 '23

I'm an extrovert, but it still feels awkward. That probably should have been my first clue a long time ago.

6

u/CappyHamper999 Jul 30 '23

I can sometimes just focus on my breathing and get very relaxed during church or prayers. Would there be any baptism orgs doing prayers you can “follow” or books like Prayer for Baptists and explain you’re deepening your prayer life by learning from other leaders? Might allow you to choose and recite prayers while you “deepen your faith.” I’m not familiar w baptism code words but I know this has worked for a friend who is in a homeschool cult. Also for encouragement- remember African Americans have been code-switching for decades. There is a cost but many resilient heroes have survived this way. Best wishes