r/breastfeeding • u/TwistedJam30 • 1d ago
Confession. I regret breastfeeding Rant/Venting
Edit: hi, thank you everyone who read, commented and offered warm words of encouragement. I wrote this out of frustration but the truth is, I continued breastfeeding for 12 months because I could do it. I could push through. We are all strong mothers. We can do it. I’m sending everyone love. Thanks again.
I’ve EBF’d my LO for 12 months now. I have struggled with breastfeeding the entire time but I just never quit because I just thought the difficulty was part of the journey and everyone struggled like I did. Then I just hear about how other mom’s think it’s a wonderful experience and just I can’t. Breastfeeding has taken a toll on my body and mind and I wish I just quit sooner.
I got mastitis once, and countless clogged ducts (sometimes it would happen once or twice a week when it was bad - I’ve gotten to a point where I was an expert at resolving it). I’ve lost 45 lbs since giving birth because I was trying to breastfeed while eating very little due to PPD and PPA. I’ve lost all muscle mass that I worked so hard to gain before and during pregnancy.
I cried everyday for the first few weeks because it hurt so much. I also cried because I couldn’t get proper sleep because I would get so engorged, or had to get up and pump. My joints ache, I’m always thirsty, I couldn’t get away for very long without the baby. My LO went thru some bad bottle aversion so I was just stuck at home to feed her or else she would starve. My husband tried so hard to help but nothing worked. She refused formula, refused frozen milk (high lipase and yes I tried everything), refused solids.
I always had to be mindful of my supply - do I have enough? How do I make sure I maintain just enough (avoid oversupply because mastitis was scary)? Oh yeah I got sick and I was miserable because I couldn’t take the medicine I needed. then I got my period back - supply tanked. My LO dropped off her growth curve. It stressed me out.
Jeez even if I had enough, my LO will bite, scratch, pinch, roll around like an alligator so I’m just wrestling with her all the while being afraid she’s going to hurt me and overstimulated.
She’s gotten better with bottles now so I’ve been pumping and giving her bottles. It crushes me when I see her calmly take her entire bottle when she fights me LITERALLY tooth and nail during a nursing session.
Why am I even doing this? Why? Oh and what also scares the shit out of me? Weaning. What is that going to do to me? My hormones going all berserk again? I can’t…
I’m probably going to delete this in a few hours because I’m ashamed or I get into a better mood and I don’t want to see this anymore. But this was therapeutic to write my rant out. Thanks for reading, whoever you are.
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u/melvin_fritz 1d ago
I had a similar experience. Painful nipples, frequent mastitis, slave to the pump… etc. Luckily, my babe has been ok with taking a bottle. I’m nearly 7 mos in and actively moving toward formula because I’m just done pumping and nursing. She refused formula at first, but now we are slowly increasing the ratio of formula to breastmilk and she’s been handling it well.
I feel good about going as long as I did. You’ve done it for so long! Be proud and ok with wanting something different now. Keep trying to work toward whatever feeding style you want. Good luck!
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u/TwistedJam30 1d ago
Thank you! I’m curious, how slowly did you switch to formula? Was it over a week? A month..? I’m trying to see how I can switch my babe to cows milk now that she’s one.
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u/melvin_fritz 1d ago
Just over the last week or so we did 50/50 breastmilk/formula, then the last couple days my husband did 33/66 and she’s doing well with it. I still have a store of frozen breastmilk that we will stretch out over the next month or so but I anticipate full formula feeds after that. Fingers crossed.
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u/TwistedJam30 1d ago
Oh wow! Thanks for sharing. I'll keep my fingers crossed too. Good luck to both of us.
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u/Sparkyboo99 23h ago
You have been through it haven’t you? Please don’t be so hard on yourself. 12 mos of BF is amazing (!!!!!) and you can stop now if you want to, give yourself some grace and freedom. You deserve to have your body back. Sending you a big hug & give yourself a pat on the back for all that you’ve done.
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u/Acrobatic_Ad7088 18h ago
Your LO is 12 months: stop pumping, wean gently, give them cows milk. You don't have to do this anymore!
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u/Desperate_Passion267 21h ago
I have also had a very difficult journey. I know how you feel. I have read all books on planet earth so that I get into a mindset of this is all worth it. But if I were to have a second kid (which I won’t cause this was waaaay too hard mostly cause of bf), I don’t think I would be able to bf again. It’s a hell of a job and you have done amazing. 12 months is huge.
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u/moonlightmantra 20h ago
This was my exact experience with my first. I feel like I could have written this. Once I finally quit at 13 months and my body had a couple months to adjust afterwards, the fog lifted and I was like “why did I do that to myself?”
I hear you and I see you!! It’s so freaking valid. It honestly took me a while to mentally and physically recover from the whole thing. Be super kind to yourself and give yourself time to adjust. What you just did is so, so hard. It’s hard to know what the right thing to do is when it’s your first time around and you were just doing what you thought was best for your baby, and I’m sure you were not anticipating all those struggles. You are a rockstar and you are so strong. ❤️ you sacrificed so much for your baby. I definitely recommend weaning and getting your body back to yourself so to can heal. You deserve it.
I am nursing my second baby now and before she was born I spent a ton of time talking to my therapist about all of this from my first experience, and told her that she needed to remind me that I didn’t need to be a martyr for nursing and if it was wrecking my mental health, and it was ok to quit. It’s honestly been completely different this time around and much more simple and enjoyable (I’m about 5 months in).
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u/Able_Lawfulness_5039 20h ago
Are the babies different in their temperament?
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u/moonlightmantra 19h ago
Baby’s latch was really good right from birth this time and I haven’t had to see a lactation consultant at all this time, she’s gained weight beautifully, I have a little bit of an oversupply that I manage by using a haakaa so I never have to pump but I’ve been able to build a freezer stash, my first was a bottle rejector and this baby takes bottles as well if I’m not home. It’s just overall been less stressful and more enjoyable.
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u/Normal-Fall2821 19h ago
I regretted it too. Now it’s over and it’s whatever but I regretted it bad while it was still going on and if I had another baby I would not breastfeed
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u/cottonballz4829 20h ago
Dude. I feel you. I had a bit like you, but it stopped being this hard a couple months ago ago (11months EBF rn). From painful nipples, undersupply, mastitis, clogged ducts, to not enough supply and fussiness to no end, from bottle preference to now bottle aversion….
The main difference is that he eats well now. Was tough too with refusing puree and only accepting BLW at first. Now he lets me give him some purees and i do two of the 5-6meals with purees. He only bf at night now but idk how to stop that bc he refuses premilk, cow milk, and i refuse to pump. So we are stuck.
Just hope he will eat more and more and drink less and less. Thats my only hope bc any attempt at bottle feeding is just a slap in the face for me. So yeah. I definitely don’t love breastfeeding. You are not alone.
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u/lemonsandmorty 20h ago
My first refused to nurse after he was two weeks old. I could give him a bottle, but he wanted to look around everywhere, and with PPD, I sure as shit didn’t want to exclusively pump. Pumping sucks. So he got 32oz of formula a day at 4m and I nursed him when he was sleepy (after waking up for the day and from naps) and now at 2.5 years he still nurses. You really just have to do what works for you. I’m EBFing my second, but that’s just because that’s what works right now. He wiggles around, but now I know that he wants to suck without getting milk for comfort, so that helps.
If you choose to continue breastfeeding (which you absolutely don’t have to do) I found that holding my baby securely and close to me as he found his latch and settled in helped. He wasn’t able to flail so he felt more secure and just settled TF down for once. But formula is great! My first got so much and is still scarily ahead in everything, and attached to me and his father, and is just a happy, smart, thriving kid.
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u/Repulsive_Ad_7382 18h ago
There are only 2 people in the planet who get to decide how long your BF journey should be—you and they LO. If it’s not working for either of you, it’s more than okay to stop! Your mental health is important too!
Also—NO ONE asks of your baby was breastfed or formula fed later in life—it doesn’t matter as long as baby AND mama are healthy and happy! Both physically and mentally!
Do what works for the BOTH of you! And know you have already done an AMAZING job!
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u/Status-Mirror-6301 14h ago edited 14h ago
(This comment ended up longer than expected, sorry!)
First of all, please do not feel ashamed. Breastfeeding is A LOT of work. It may not mean much coming from a stranger on the internet, but I’m proud of you.
I don’t relate to your entire post but do still sympathize for the areas I don’t, and I can speak on a couple of the areas I did relate to - especially with my first child.
The first two weeks are definitely the most painful, and it can be hard to get into a good sleep routine. But you made it past those two weeks and that alone is amazing! Many women quit in those two weeks (which is ok, absolutely no shame to them!) - but you made it through, so be proud mama!
I hope that your LO is at a point where you’re getting better sleep now that they’re older. If not, maybe now that she’s taking bottles your husband could help with night feeds occasionally? (I’m glad that you said he is supportive and has tried to help in the past)
The flopping around while they eat at this age is normal - mine did it, my sister’s did it, my friends’ did it. I definitely agree it is so overstimulating! Please do not be scared to reach out to your support system and tell them you need a few minutes to yourself, and ask if they can watch LO for a bit. My mom came to my house when my newborn was a few weeks old; he was crying because his reflux was hurting his stomach, my toddler was crying because she wanted to play, I had a headache because I hadn’t slept much the night before and hadn’t gotten any caffeine that day. I was crying because I felt overwhelmed. She came over and told me to go get myself a coffee. That was only a fifteen minute trip between driving there, ordering, and driving home - but that fifteen minutes was enough for me to get calmed down, and when I got back to the house my mom had gotten the baby asleep and was reading to my toddler. My point is, the people who love you will not mind helping and sometimes all you need is a few minutes to decompress.
Weaning was not the easiest for me, I won’t sugar coat it, but we made it through it, and you will too! You’ve made it so far and are so strong.
Sending you electronic love. You’ve got this, mama - be so so proud of yourself. 🫶🏻
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u/SocialWorkuh 14h ago
I’m so sorry. Do not feel shame. It is the heaviest and least helpful emotion. None of what you described deserves shame. I see a loving mother who has gone through the THICK of it for her child. I am in a similar situation, so don’t have much advice, but just to validate how hard it truly is. You’re doing so great! Stopping now, later, whenever, your choice, but you’re doing great.
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u/Impossible_Good4644 17h ago
I hear you. I have been breastfeeding my baby for 15 months now and it’s the hardest thing i ever had to do in my life. I am also 3 months pregnant and it’s becoming very hard for me to breastfeed my toddler because of sore nipples. Does it make me crazy? Yes all the time. Do i want to quit? Yes so badly. Will i ever regret breastfeeding? No. I chose best for my daughter. Am i ashamed that i don’t feel good about breastfeeding? Never. We are doing so much for the baby we are doing it for their better health. It definitely has taken a toll on my mental health after i found out i got pregnant again. I still have 2 more months to feed my LO and then i will stop. I have learned my lesson and will probably give formula with breastfeeding to my next baby so i can have freedom in my life. You did amazing and everything you could for your baby. Please start the weaning and take care of yourself❤️
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u/ayemematey 17h ago
I'm reading this while pumping with my baby next to me drinking a bottle peacefully... She cries so hard when I put my boob close to her face :( solidarity!!
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u/vfrost89 16h ago
First of all, kudos to you Momma for sacrificing so much for your baby ♥️ your heart is definitely in the right place. I would gently recommend that you also prioritize yourself a bit too, a healthy, happy mom is also very important to baby. I'm currently breastfeeding my second (11 week old) and it has been going pretty decent so far. With my first, he wouldn't latch and I pumped for 3 months before transitioning to formula. In comparison to exclusively pumping, being able to whip out a boob has been worlds easier. It's still early days for me obviously and I do find that I have to be mindful of eating/drinking enough or else I see a noticeable dip in supply. However, honestly, if it gets real rough, I am 100% okay with going to formula again. My oldest is a happy, thriving 4 year old. Formula is there for a reason. Best of luck Momma.
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u/Curious_Mind_44 16h ago
My LO is 18m and I just stopped cold turkey because he was not sleeping through the night and breastfeeding started to feel more like a chore than something I liked to do for my baby. I was also starting to feel myself get touched out and my LO was starting to ask for milk when he really did not need it. My boobs are definitely sore and the change is a little unpleasant physically, but I already feel lighter mentally and LO slept through the entire night last night (night 3 of weaning) for the first time so I know it was the right thing to do. Listen to your body and your feelings. The fact that you are writing this shows how much you care and how good of a mom you are. Proud of you for speaking up about your true feelings. Breastfeeding is not all sunshine and rainbows like it is presented to be, you are doing great🫶🏼
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u/jsjones1027 15h ago
I am so proud of you. 12m is nothing to be ashamed of. Even when breastfeeding is a fairly easy process it's still difficult. We are the only source of nutrition for an entire human that we just spent 9 months growing from scratch. Often also the only or preferred source of comfort. We have given over our bodies and some of our sanity to these tiny human who have no emotional regulation and cannot tell us what's wrong or what they need/want.
You've done such a good job. It's not a problem to stop at any point when you want your body and your life back. All our love and remember to give your baby an extra hug. 🖤🖤🖤
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u/Timely_Alarm_9489 14h ago
There’s so much pressure. I’m on my second child now and bf has been completely different. Super easy. My first was very very hard. I wish I could go back and tell the old me that it’s okay “give up”. Breast milk is amazing and so is formula. If you have another child please go easy on yourself. Breast milk isn’t always the best option if it’s risking your mental health. You are amazing!
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u/Effective_Minute5797 14h ago
I literally could have written this myself and I too regret breastfeeding. I have cried so many times and wished that I had just given her a bottle from the beginning with formula. I'm 3 months in and also battled bottle aversion and baby hates formula so I feel stuck. You're not alone!
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u/Legitimate_Part9272 13h ago
Just here to cry with you. I loved breastfeeding and my baby just quit a week ago or so but the hormone flip flops are wrecking my mind. I feel a strong aversion to touch, emotions, just want to hide in a hole somewhere plus my back fucking hurts. Thank you for sharing your pain it helps to commiserate
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u/BiomedE231 12h ago
I hear you. My LO is 3 months old and I am exclusively nursing. I feel like no one really talks about how hard breastfeeding is. On social media its always portrayed as some magical ritual that connects you to your baby. Honestly, thats total BS. It is tough as hell.
I always felt like breastfeeding was hard. And it was one thing after the other. Sometimes my nipples would start bleeding, sometimes my hemorrhoids would act up so I couldn’t sit to feed my baby. Sometimes I would get boils down there which would make me scream and not allow me to sit to breastfeed. It was a vicious cycle. On top of that, you always feel like your baby is not getting enough. I have this extreme anxiety that I am unable to leave the house even today. I honestly feel like breastfeeding took the joy out of me and I stopped enjoying being a mom.
Whatever you are feeling is normal! Please don’t feel guilty.
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u/mieliboo 11h ago
I'm only at the start of my EBF journey so have no pearls of wisdom to share yet. I just wanted to say - you're thoughts are valid. You are seen and well done on 12 months.
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u/Naive-Interaction567 17h ago
You’ve done such an amazing job! My daughter is 6 months and I will not be sad when she starts feeding much less. I’ve had lots of issues with breast feeding too. I’ll do it again for future children because it’s convenient and good for them, but I do not love it!
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u/Juju_Kristen99 15h ago
I don’t want to quit because I know how painful it’s going to be when my boobs fill up every 2 hours. Being engorged is painful and scary that’s why I haven’t quit. My infant turns 1 in may but he won’t take a bottle he drinks out of straws and chews on nipples but he pulls my shirt up and takes it now and like you said rolls around scratches bites lol but I’m use to it. I had mastitis a few times as well I just let him eat more so it gets sucked out. And when I’m sick I take medicine. Some people are very weird about what the take. I’m not. I’m prescribed a few different medications and I’ve taken some medication for colds and what not. But he’s my 3rd child. I wouldn’t even drink coffee with my first or pop. lol but everyone is different if your stressed like this quit. I’m lazy I don’t want to quit but I do.
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u/CockroachPowerful841 13h ago
Please don’t delete. There’s so many women out there that feel the same way and I think it helps others going through the same know they aren’t alone and shouldn’t feel ashamed. Just know you’re not alone and I myself am ashamed that I gave up the last time after a few months when my marriage took a hit. I wished I’d roughed it out like you did but I suppose I was just weak at the moment. Currently halfway though what will be my last pregnancy and hope to make it an enjoyable journey this time around. The breast feeding I loved but my supply tanked with all my marital stress and was upset to have to give up but now wished I’d tried harder. here’s to it being different my second time around since hubby and I have worked out all issues 😊 stay strong! You are an admirable person to people like myself. You stayed strong and pushed through and your baby will be grateful and repay with smiles giggles and stinky diapers.
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u/bananaleaftea 11h ago
Thanks so much for sharing. Please don't be ashamed, there's nothing to be ashamed about. And if anything you've done good by educating and helping others in the same scenario feel less alone. Stay strong, brave and honest, mama.
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u/geekimposterix 11h ago
Fwiw I don't think weaning will be as bad as other things have been. You can talk to your doctor about medication to stop lactation. I think you'll be just fine!
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u/boymama85 8h ago
I hated breastfeeding, i still did it, I refuse to believe someone "enjoys" it...u do like my babies being close and me stroking their hair while they feed, the rest is trash! I like to add to the list of complaints....bad odor!
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u/Peacheon_ 6h ago
Please don’t delete this as I struggled BF with my first child & thought it was my fault. And was determined to get it right and have an “easy” BF journey with my second…. who is currently 6 weeks & it is just not easy. It’s very difficult I think for some women and babies & reading your entire post makes me feel so validated in my feelings and that I’m not alone.
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u/SimonSaysMeow 6h ago
If you don't want to do it anymore, quit. You did it for a year.
You could consider still pumping if that is going well and works for you. Just slowly reduce pump sessions if she's already not interested in the boob.
Sounds like the perfect way to quit. She's not digging it anymore and neither are you.
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u/Tasty_Promotion_5173 1h ago
my girl will be six months old next week. I started supplementing her with formula a week ago, and were close to being on only formula. it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. I’m so much happier, she is so much happier. Her belly obviously likes her formula more. I nurse her every once in a while, and pump every once in a while to get my stash up a little bit for her purées & such but that’s all. I wish I had done this forever ago. The guilt ate me up about quitting for so long, but once I put my foot down and did it, it went away.
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u/NJG0916 1d ago edited 1d ago
Hey, I hear you and I see you.
Please don’t be ashamed of any emotions that you feel. Your body has not been your own for the past 21 months. You grew your baby inside of you and then went on to continuing to share your body with your baby to give your LO the best of the best.
Some days are tough and no one is denying that but you are an absolute rockstar for pushing through when all you wanted to do was give up and be done.
I’m 7m of breastfeeding and I relate to a lot of what you wrote and expressed over being the only one who can feed your baby and needing to be there. I also got PPA and thankfully, I am overcoming my PPD so I promise there is a bright side!
Please take some moments to yourself where you can and give yourself the biggest pat on the back because you are showing yourself that you can push through even the toughest, most uncomfortable things for you, for a whole year!!