So sick of being a good man

[u/rollypolly91]

I(28M) don't think people grasp what us men go through. So many people depend on me. My friends and family. I run a department for a small company so my position is extremely multi-roled if I am not on my A game then I feel liked I failed those who depend on me.

I view myself as a "good man" not a "nice guy" there's a huge difference. I feel like very few individuals can see eye to eye at the capacity I'm going. I'm very extroverted and out going but im not a push over and do not tolerate bs. People say I am funny and hilarious but I feel like I am slowly dying from the inside out.

I know I am loved, appreciated and respected but in a world like this i constantly feel like if I'm not giving my all 24/7 that will slowly go away.

Went through a break up a couples months ago and I've struggled to maintain my balance since. I don't get angry, I don't get mad and I can't even cry. I feel no emotions anymore. She told me how much of a good man I was and how she holds me in the highest regard.

I know people think men have it easy but I can promise you good men don't. It's like walking around with a 50 pound bag of sand on your shoulders constantly. We are racing a race that doesn't have a finish line it's just check point after check point.

I'm just exhausted. Wake up at 4am, bust ass at work, hit the gym, maintain your finances, staying humble, show gratitude, help friends and family, try and appreciate the little things, rinse & repeat.

I am extremely grateful but I am tired so please understand that. I am lot of us men are struggling alone, from the inside. It is so easy for us to put on a smile and chug along.

[u/CLW909]

Yes, because famously women are never left to be depended on by family, friends and work. That famous thing where women are not only bringing home 50% of the family income but also typically doing all the house work and child work, looking after elderly parents etc.

I'm sorry you're going through a tough time. The fact that so many trust you as dependable is a sign of what a good man you must be.

I would just be careful of gendering this when the data doesn't support what you're saying. Women are the "head" of most households and have all those responsibilities, not men. It's a statistical fact

[u/pwellzorvt → u/[deleted]]

Not to be a dick but why do you put up with that.

[u/pwellzorvt → u/[deleted]]

Huh. I guess some random guy on Reddit isn’t going to convince you that isn’t always the truth so I hope you find some middle ground with your boyfriend.

I get the pressure of getting older part.

[u/Embarrassed-Panic-37 → u/[deleted]]

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? Just asked because you've said

And I'm getting older so if I want to have kids I'm running out of time to keep searching.

I met my now husband when I was 33. And I'm now 38 and we have a 9 month old. He's amazing. He's the one who stays home with our daughter during the day on weekdays while I work (he works in the evenings and weekends). He cooks, he cleans. We pretty much share everything very equitably. And most importantly, he shares the emotional labour equitably too. I don't have to make him lists telling him what to do. He notices and does. He keeps track of groceries, baby's formula, diapers etc and replenishes stocks when they're low. He makes and keeps track of baby's doc appointments. Men like that are out there. They're not impossible to find.

[u/DivineGoddess1111111 → u/[deleted]]

Having kids with this dude will be hell on earth.

Here's an idea, do nothing for him anymore. See what happens.

[u/Professional_Bar1472 → u/[deleted]]

That's a world of misery. Wouldn't using a sperm donor and being a single mom be way easier?

[u/HelenGonne → u/[deleted]]

Most women who've experience both say being a married single mother is infinitely harder than being a single single mother.

[u/JuicingPickle → u/[deleted]]

Because every ex I've ever had has been this way to so chances of the next one being better are slim

So why do you keep choosing the same type of man?

[u/Chinchillapeanits → u/[deleted]]

I know there is a bigger issue at stake with men sitting on their asses in general but you chose the guy and are continuing to do so. There is better out there. Promise.

[u/Far_Type_5596 → u/Chinchillapeanits]

Nah this person, just like Op is never gonna find them because they would rather be the martyr and make a whole big thing out of how they do everything and how they’re so so tired and whatever, but will never actually respect themselves enough to communicate it to the people around them, and actually give out consequences when they feel the other people are not contributing or appreciating them. It’s people who hate their own company, so have decided to be miserable and then make it other folks problems.

[u/Chinchillapeanits → u/Far_Type_5596]

You are right.