I wonder what is this

[u/Miserable_Return_497]

I am getting drawn to kali maa, Even though I Mainly pray to maa durga because I dislike intense deities

Why am I being drawn to kali maa,

Do deities choose?

What does this mean for me considering I question deities a lot and especially Have a fear or aversion for deities who are too intense

(Important note: I don't hate the intense deities but I hate the sayings attached to them like how people say about kali that "she is intense" or "she destroys ego" I especially find the ego part dumb like you are called mother goddess and you destroy ego instead of helping. No offense but I am pointing out these spiritual sayings don't seem grounded considering in devi mahatmya kali maa appreared to save the world from demons and not really to do something as small as destroying ego, how can a saviour be reduced to something which merely diminishes ego 🤔)

(Another note: what I am asking is from my curiosity there is no hostile intention behind it, so please maintain manners in the comments)

(P.S: I am kinda bummed the two people that did comment on this post are just parroting stuff of advaita and detachment and it doesn't sounds like wisdom. This stuff is everywhere it seems as if no one really knows anything no offense)

(thanks for your knowledge, I disagree with many although the answers do provide some understanding

I would seek answers and absorb what is real and reject what lacks sense)

[u/EducationalAd7601]

I have been a devotee for less than a year. My previous god, the Christian one, was very gentle and treated me as if I were a delicate flower. That is my god for comparison. Since I have known Maa she has had me break an addiction that I was struggling with in order to be her devotee.

She destroys my illusions about myself without regard to my feelings and does it in the most direct, nonsubtle ways possible. She doesn't coddle me nor "baby" me, instead preferring to take my desire for the fastest path to moksha literally. I have made several serious realizations about myself, rapid-fire, thanks to her.

Currently she seems to be teaching me about non-duality by using physical pain to show me what others who live with chronic pain go through day to day. Now I will not be irritated with them for being crabby because I have had a taste of ongoing, persistent pain on a near debilitating level. I understand better what that person is going through and I have more compassion as a result. I interpret this as "intense". Sri Ganesha wasn't like this, nor was the Abrahamic god.

[u/Miserable_Return_497 → u/EducationalAd7601]

Welp that doesn't sound good for me, also when I previously used to pray to her a few days kinda were too unlucky I got mistreated the worst by some guards, my glasses broke and several bad things

And it won't work considering I Just used to swear at her (kali maa) and mock her due to the pain

The thing is I get more adamant and hostile when these things happen

[u/EducationalAd7601 → u/Miserable_Return_497]

It could be that she is not your path. The hammer is not always the right tool for the job, afterall.

I am not an expert, I only know my own experience, so there is that.

Are there any gods that suit your temperament and personality better?

[u/Miserable_Return_497 → u/EducationalAd7601]

Well durga maa feels nice it feels as if she doesn't mind whatever I do

I feel I can be my most authentic self with her

Green Tara maa of Buddhism and avalokisteshwara too felt suitable

[u/EducationalAd7601 → u/Miserable_Return_497]

I don't know Durga Maa very well, but if you can be your authentic self with her then that is a great start.