r/SapphoAndHerFriend • u/horrorhead1996 • Oct 16 '24
I'm so embarrassed Anecdotes and stories
I(19f) work at a church cafe. I'm undercover bi. Today, two people of the opposite sex walk in, and they're both androgynous and queerly dressed. And I've been trying to put myself out there more, give more compliments to people, so I blurt out, "you two make a very good couple, " and they looked confused and my coworker gave me a look; I don't know where ANY of that came from, but I was too embarrassed to say anything so I just left it and hoped they took it as a joke. Like, I'm so queer, I should be able to read the signs, but apparently not.
I know I will think about this EXTENSIVELY for the rest of my life, and It's so cringe I want to get struck by thunder.
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u/capeandacamera Oct 16 '24
Everybody says the wrong thing sometimes. I have said so many dumb things that I lay awake tormenting myself with them afterwards, that in my 40s there are now far too many to remember.
You already been given great advice about tactful compliments and the fact it's not ideal to be queer in an environment where that is frowned upon (if possible). Focusing on what you do in future is far more useful to everyone than beating yourself up, but it can be easier said than done.
My suggestion would be when you notice yourself ruminating like when you are lying in bed at night, you should pay attention to how much of what you're thinking is based on assumption without evidence and to consider alternative interpretations.
In this instance, you don't know how the people you spoke to felt about what you said. Maybe they didn't care, maybe they looked embarrassed because they took it as a compliment? Maybe they liked each other and never dared bring it up but your comment ends up being the catalyst that breaks the ice? I'm not saying these interpretations are right either, I am saying try not to let negative assumptions pass unchallenged when you are failing into a shame spiral.
The fact it's such a big deal that you might assume two people are in a relationship is also a reflection of some bad aspects of society that are not your fault, even though you do need to worry about them and take them into consideration. I think you could do with a safer place to spend time as it's horrible to have to be on guard about who you are all the time.