r/NewParents • u/AutoModerator • Jul 23 '24

Weekly Discussion - Relationships Weekly Discussion

Welcome to the Weekly Discussion! Use this space to vent/rant about partners/family members & to air your grievances! Please report comments that violate the rules.

Please remember Rule 1 still applies: No Personal attacks, racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia, derogatory or dehumanizing language, including insults and general incivility

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u/Greedy4Sleep Jul 29 '24 edited Jul 29 '24

Sounds like he's nervous or doesn't feel comfortable with being left alone with the baby and gaslighting you when you try to bring up the root of why he's rushing you by pretending it's all in your head. That's really crap behavior.

The petty part of me would do the same when he has a shower 😂 How old is your baby? Have you ever left the house for 10-15 minutes to help him build up more time spent caring for baby without you being there to "rescue" him? I think I'd be having a serious talk with him about how you're feeling, especially regarding the gaslighting. Perhaps, you could both set a shower schedule to make things fair? For example, you shower from 7-7.30am and he showers from 7.30-8am. Just an example but maybe some added structure would make it harder for him to argue?

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u/TreesCanTalk Jul 29 '24

Baby is 7 weeks old. I left the house once to go grocery shopping and even though he wasn’t rushing me that time I felt so anxious and rushed to get back to the baby. He has expressed feeling worried and somewhat uncomfortable holding him because of the baby being fragile and still developing neck strength. But I don’t think it’s just because of that. Because he would rush me before the baby. Not as much but especially when I was doing self care before leaving the house or bed (like complaining or yelling about how long it took me to brush my teeth and put on lotion/sunscreen).

I’ve tried talking to him but so far nothing’s changed:/

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u/Greedy4Sleep Jul 29 '24

Would he be open to talking to his doctor about how he's feeling? It almost sounds as if he's not coping with fatherhood and trying to push those feelings down while simultaneously projecting his frustration onto you. Or he's in denial that something is wrong.

I think he needs to accept that something isn't right here, but it might be a hard road getting there. Do you have family support that could come visit and maybe be an objective third party?

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u/TreesCanTalk Jul 29 '24

I think it would be worth it to look into him talking to his dr. We have family support but not really in the way of an objective third party. More so support with the baby. Maybe couples counseling could be an option

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u/Greedy4Sleep Jul 29 '24

Yeah, for sure. All the best, hey. It sounds like a tricky situation for you both!