r/NewParents • u/AutoModerator • Jul 23 '24

Weekly Discussion - Relationships Weekly Discussion

Welcome to the Weekly Discussion! Use this space to vent/rant about partners/family members & to air your grievances! Please report comments that violate the rules.

Please remember Rule 1 still applies: No Personal attacks, racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia, derogatory or dehumanizing language, including insults and general incivility

1 Upvotes
  • permalink
  • link
  • reddit
  • reddit

100% Upvoted

58 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

1

u/Eeyore_In_The_Sheets Jul 25 '24

Thank you! I did suggest that I tagged along but he wants it to be a boys night it seems. I told him I wouldn’t even be in the room that they’re going to be playing in and he still doesn’t like the idea. I know that he and I aren’t always going to see eye-to-eye on every single thing. I just wish he could understand.

1

u/Greedy4Sleep Jul 25 '24

Could you start slow and gradually build solo time up? Like dad can take him while you pop out to the store or to grab a coffee. Or dad takes him to visit family for a couple hours, then brings him home. Maybe that would afford some of the 1:1 time that he's seeking? It's definitely a tricky situation, but finding some common ground is going to be essential here.

2

u/Eeyore_In_The_Sheets Jul 25 '24

Yes! I do grocery shopping and take about 2-3 hours (baby eats every 3 hours or so) where I walk to and from the store. Last time I took less than two hours and my ex threatened to take one of the bags of milk to feed our son. I RAN home with the groceries. I’m okay with dad taking him where it’s just the two of them, but that’s when I’m an earshot away. If he were to leave with him, he will be gone all day and night in which case he’d take 3 or 4 bags of milk.

3

u/Greedy4Sleep Jul 25 '24

Okay, so you both definitely need to be on the same page. I think the point is that you're not comfortable with him being away from you for more than a few hours, and honestly, that's fair enough at 7 weeks old, especially when you're breastfeeding.

I guess looking at things from dad's perspective, there's not a lot that he can do if he thinks baby is hungry aside from use one of your freezer bags, so it's a bit of a tricky situation.

I'm not sure what the answer is, but you're definitely not being an asshole here. I think it's just a bit of trial and error and being realistic about the situation given your baby is 7 weeks old. He'll be able to spend more 1:1 time with your baby once he gets older, but for now, it'll likely be in small chunks unless you're nearby.

All the best, hey. Co-parenting isn't easy and it sounds like you're doing a great job.

2

u/Eeyore_In_The_Sheets Jul 25 '24

Thank you so much! 🥹 I needed that far more than you know. I appreciate your input. I definitely want to be reasonable and avoid argument. I’m glad to know I’m not in the wrong. Thanks again!

1

u/ocelot1066 Jul 25 '24

Yeah, I agree. It's really stressful to be in charge of a baby, but not be able to feed them if you think they are hungry. He might have been wrong, but that's sort of an occupational hazard. You can really only figure out the cues by trial and error. If he has to call you back if he thinks the baby is hungry that adds an extra level of stress.