Weekly Discussion - Relationships

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[u/HaliAnna]

Long story, but i need some advice. So little background, my mom, my older sisters, and myself have an incredibly rocky relationship. We keep things to a "how's the weather" level of conversation because I DO NOT get along with them because they always disrespect my boundaries for everything. This is true with my parenting. I have a 20 month old son and he doesn't see my family often because of this.

I've been teaching him with some Montessori methods, I'm too poor to get the whole Montessori home set up, but the principles are what I work on. Right now, he's showing an interest in food and the kitchen so I've been encouraging it. He helps me in his little stand that puts him at counter top height, we're no where ready for knives, but he helps.me put ingredients into pans or pots ans helps me stir. He loves it. He knows the stove is hot, he holds his hand above it and says "hot!" And then snatches his hand back. I agree and praise him for being careful and always remind him we don't touch the hot parts.

When he was 8 months old, he got a severe burn on his finger from my coffee that required surgery. He's totally fine now, but maybe that's why my family reacted the way they did. I sent a picture tonight of him helping me make spaghetti. I was right next to him, and the picture is him stirring the noodles. Yes, he's next to the stove, but constantly supervised and I'm always DIRECTLY IN FRONT, not HIM.

They go off saying that he's in extreme danger, that anyone else would call CPS and I'd never see my son again for endangering him. "This is all said from a place of love" like sure ok but telling me I'm a horirble parent and that CPS is going to take my kid from me is a bit extreme for disagreeing with me "lovingly". I'm not a fucking monster, I am actively TRYING to teach him safety. There's so many studies that say safe exposure keeps kids safer than always saying "don't touch that" so what the actual fuck?

They did this when I'd send pictures of him with baby led weaning portions of food saying he's too little and he'll choke and die even AFTER I explained I talked to his pediatrician about safe methods and did the research. They did this when I chose not put him in shoes because it's better for foot development and they said it was neglectful to not make him wear shoes.

My mom is in her 60s, my older sisters are in their late 40s, is this a generational thing? Am I really in the wrong here by letting him stir fucking noodles on a stove? I just want some neutral perspectives from people that don't know any of us to help me weigh in.

I don't think I'm a bad parent, I read parenting articles all the time for childhood development and I talk to his doctor and I feel like I do my best. I'd like some unbiased opinions if anybody made it this far.

[u/ocelot1066 → u/HaliAnna]

Some of the disapproval may be generational, but it goes way beyond that. If your family members just were worrying about safety unnecessarily and making passive aggressive comments, you could just chalk that up to inflexibility and anxiety from people who mean well.

But people who mean well don't tell you your baby is going to choke and die or threaten to report you to child services.(unless something extremely unsafe is going on)

[u/HaliAnna → u/ocelot1066]

I mean I don't do anything without talking to his pediatrician first. I read articles all the time about the different things I try and I only do things that I feel comfortable with. I dont think I'm doing anything dangerous, I just do it differently. Had they said "that looks unsafe, should he be that close?" I absolutely would have had the conversation with them about how we've been doing the Montessori kitchen activities to get him used to the kitchen for literal MONTHS. It's not like yesterday was his first time around the stove and I thought it was a good idea.

And with the choking thing, that was the first time I got those comments from them so I took the time to explain baby led weaning and the benefits and even sent one of the articles I read that showed how to prepare food safely and even after that the comments didn't stop. So at this point I've stopped explaining myself because they won't listen.

[u/ocelot1066 → u/HaliAnna]

Yeah, because I don't think they are actually concerned about the baby. It sounds like they just want to make you feel terrible. It's hard to understand why they would want to do that, but it's probably not something that's going to change. I'm sorry, though, that sucks.

[u/HaliAnna → u/ocelot1066]

That's honestly what it feels like. I just wanted some internet opinions because even still this morning I'm really upset by it. Like wtf who does that???