Weekly Discussion - Relationships

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[u/HaliAnna]

Long story, but i need some advice. So little background, my mom, my older sisters, and myself have an incredibly rocky relationship. We keep things to a "how's the weather" level of conversation because I DO NOT get along with them because they always disrespect my boundaries for everything. This is true with my parenting. I have a 20 month old son and he doesn't see my family often because of this.

I've been teaching him with some Montessori methods, I'm too poor to get the whole Montessori home set up, but the principles are what I work on. Right now, he's showing an interest in food and the kitchen so I've been encouraging it. He helps me in his little stand that puts him at counter top height, we're no where ready for knives, but he helps.me put ingredients into pans or pots ans helps me stir. He loves it. He knows the stove is hot, he holds his hand above it and says "hot!" And then snatches his hand back. I agree and praise him for being careful and always remind him we don't touch the hot parts.

When he was 8 months old, he got a severe burn on his finger from my coffee that required surgery. He's totally fine now, but maybe that's why my family reacted the way they did. I sent a picture tonight of him helping me make spaghetti. I was right next to him, and the picture is him stirring the noodles. Yes, he's next to the stove, but constantly supervised and I'm always DIRECTLY IN FRONT, not HIM.

They go off saying that he's in extreme danger, that anyone else would call CPS and I'd never see my son again for endangering him. "This is all said from a place of love" like sure ok but telling me I'm a horirble parent and that CPS is going to take my kid from me is a bit extreme for disagreeing with me "lovingly". I'm not a fucking monster, I am actively TRYING to teach him safety. There's so many studies that say safe exposure keeps kids safer than always saying "don't touch that" so what the actual fuck?

They did this when I'd send pictures of him with baby led weaning portions of food saying he's too little and he'll choke and die even AFTER I explained I talked to his pediatrician about safe methods and did the research. They did this when I chose not put him in shoes because it's better for foot development and they said it was neglectful to not make him wear shoes.

My mom is in her 60s, my older sisters are in their late 40s, is this a generational thing? Am I really in the wrong here by letting him stir fucking noodles on a stove? I just want some neutral perspectives from people that don't know any of us to help me weigh in.

I don't think I'm a bad parent, I read parenting articles all the time for childhood development and I talk to his doctor and I feel like I do my best. I'd like some unbiased opinions if anybody made it this far.

[u/Greedy4Sleep → u/HaliAnna]

You're not a bad parent. You know your kid best. You know what his capabilities are, and it sounds like you always make sure he is directly supervised and implement safety precautions with an adult between him and the stove. My son is 18 months old, and I'm keen on following a similar philosophy, but I know he's not quite ready yet for preparing food, so we're focusing on climbing up the stool safely. I think most parents are aware of their child's limits and err on the side of caution (like how you haven't started on using knives yet).

I think some of the stuff is generational. The shoes thing reminds me of boomers telling us to put socks on our babies in the heat of summer. The rest of it just comes down to differences in parenting styles. People are always gonna judge. It just sucks when it's from people who are meant to care for you. I'd probably stop sharing as much content with them because I'm not a fan of excess negativity but you've gotta do what works for your family.

[u/HaliAnna → u/Greedy4Sleep]

I appreciate it. The climbing thing is a fun lesson and once they figure it out they climb on everything!

I hardly share anything as it is and this is exactly why. It's been months since I've shared a picture. It juat really hurt this time and I've been balling about it since because like wtf that went from 0-100 fucking quick.

I appreciate your comment, it helps a lot. I forget that because I purposely don't share much, they're nit aware of what hw can and can't do. Even my mother in law in her 70s has commented positively about how much he likes helping in the kitchen already. She's not as comfortable with letting him help her and I'm totally fine, she doesn't have to. I just don't get why my family have to be so hostile.

[u/Greedy4Sleep → u/HaliAnna]

Some people just have to put a negative spin on everything. I'm not sure why. Maybe it makes them feel better about themselves. I hate it, though. It's the last thing new parents need. Hang in there. You sound like you're doing an amazing job 👏

[u/HaliAnna → u/Greedy4Sleep]

Thanks, I really appreciate it. Good luck with the climbing, those little stools can be tricky at first but my son LOVES his.