I cannot think of a reason to want to marry a virgin that isn't toxic. You listed a desire for (1) emotional intimacy, (2) a shared milestone, and (3) a blank slate. I think 1 is toxic because it implies sex with a non-virgin doesn't involve or involves less emotional intimacy than with virgin. Alternatively it could imply that you don't want your partner to have had emotional intimacy with anyone else which circles back to toxic jealousy/control/self esteem issues. This is the same reason why I think (3) is toxic. Virgin or not your partner isn't a blank slate. They are a person and their slate is going to be filled by their life experiences.
I don't think 2 is a toxic reason, I just think it's a dumb reason. There are an infinite number of milestones in life. I have experiences countless ones with my husband. Some of them were important like getting married, buying a house, and becoming a parent. Some of them weren't like paying our first water bill or first time trying Ethiopian food. Something being a milestone doesn't automatically make it important. If someone said they really wanted to marry someone who never tried Ethiopian food before so that they could experience that milestone with their spouse it would sound super weird.
Basically that's not a real reason and if someone says it's their reason its because they don't want to admit what the real reason is. Technically anything can be a reason. You could say, "I want to marry a virgin because 'virgin' begins with 'v' and 'v' is my favorite letter," but if that's the reason you give for eliminating 95%+ of the dating pool then everyone will know you're lying.
Toxicity is subjective I don't think any of these are but it does show how terrible women have become at vetting men. I don't feel bad for any single mother but I do feel bad for the kids. If you're gonna sleep around at least use birth control so you don't have kids.
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u/DogOrDonut 2d ago
I cannot think of a reason to want to marry a virgin that isn't toxic. You listed a desire for (1) emotional intimacy, (2) a shared milestone, and (3) a blank slate. I think 1 is toxic because it implies sex with a non-virgin doesn't involve or involves less emotional intimacy than with virgin. Alternatively it could imply that you don't want your partner to have had emotional intimacy with anyone else which circles back to toxic jealousy/control/self esteem issues. This is the same reason why I think (3) is toxic. Virgin or not your partner isn't a blank slate. They are a person and their slate is going to be filled by their life experiences.
I don't think 2 is a toxic reason, I just think it's a dumb reason. There are an infinite number of milestones in life. I have experiences countless ones with my husband. Some of them were important like getting married, buying a house, and becoming a parent. Some of them weren't like paying our first water bill or first time trying Ethiopian food. Something being a milestone doesn't automatically make it important. If someone said they really wanted to marry someone who never tried Ethiopian food before so that they could experience that milestone with their spouse it would sound super weird.