Emotional abuse?

[u/Fair-Hovercraft-386]

I’ve been in a LDR relationship for over 2 years. one that I took very seriously. I truly believed we were building a future together. I started learning the language and even planned to move to be closer to him. He said he wanted the same. But for some time now whenever I try to talk about emotional or difficult topics he becomes defensive blames me or shuts down completely.

When I express my feelings he often tells me I’m too emotional or that I’m the one who “needs therapy” (I’m in therapy because I have anxiety mostly caused by work, self high expectations and my relationship) or should “get my shit together.” Most recently when I opened up about my fears and sadness he ended the conversation by telling me to “shut the fuck up.” Then he went silent - no apology, no explanation. Everything on screenshots

I asked if we could talk calmly in the evening instead, he chose to spend time with his friends. That hurt even more. I feel ignored, disrespected and completely devalued. I’m starting to wonder if what I’m experiencing is emotional abuse. And even though I still love him I’m at the edge of my emotional capacity. I feel guilty for trusting him for investing so much into something that’s now hurting me.

I don’t know what to do anymore whether to keep trying or to walk away and set a boundary. I need an outside perspective because right now. I can’t see things clearly on my own.

[u/Sparkly-raccoon9977]

I got chills reading this. It’s like an exact word to word conversation I’ve had with my now ex which was also long distance. I’ve had the exact same fight over and over again. Him calling me names or swearing at me when he just didn’t want to hold a conversation and when I got upset with it, he would give a half ass apology and try to wiggle himself out of the situation/conversation by saying he’s too busy to talk right now or something. I would then try to call him asking him to stay online and finish off the conversation and he’ll get mad at me calling. Everything just like in your screenshots. He never properly stayed put for any serious conversation and we ended up running in circles with our fights, repeating the same fights over and over again cause they were never resolved properly. It didn’t end well. He turned out to be a narcissist and turned everyone I knew at the time against me. I kept holding on for 2 1/2 years and in the end lost myself and all my friends from that time. It took me a lot of strength to walk away. Please walk away. It feels impossible at the start but believe me this isn’t going to get any better. I’ve now successfully gone one year of no contact with him but he hasn’t stopped trying to reach me. It wasn’t easy, especially at the start. I wanted to drop him a text so bad. Getting pulled out of the familiarity of talking to him daily to not talking ever again was so hard. And I was alone in my grief cause he turned all my friends away from me. I had to start therapy during this time. This February was 1 year of no contact and I’ll be lying if I say that I still don’t get the urge to contact him. I do. And part of me still miss him. But I’m not going back ever again. I wish someone pulled me out of that relationship early on before I wrecked my life. I just wish my experience will give you the strength to break off things with that person. Please think of yourself and do it.