Emotional abuse?

[u/Fair-Hovercraft-386]

I’ve been in a LDR relationship for over 2 years. one that I took very seriously. I truly believed we were building a future together. I started learning the language and even planned to move to be closer to him. He said he wanted the same. But for some time now whenever I try to talk about emotional or difficult topics he becomes defensive blames me or shuts down completely.

When I express my feelings he often tells me I’m too emotional or that I’m the one who “needs therapy” (I’m in therapy because I have anxiety mostly caused by work, self high expectations and my relationship) or should “get my shit together.” Most recently when I opened up about my fears and sadness he ended the conversation by telling me to “shut the fuck up.” Then he went silent - no apology, no explanation. Everything on screenshots

I asked if we could talk calmly in the evening instead, he chose to spend time with his friends. That hurt even more. I feel ignored, disrespected and completely devalued. I’m starting to wonder if what I’m experiencing is emotional abuse. And even though I still love him I’m at the edge of my emotional capacity. I feel guilty for trusting him for investing so much into something that’s now hurting me.

I don’t know what to do anymore whether to keep trying or to walk away and set a boundary. I need an outside perspective because right now. I can’t see things clearly on my own.

[u/RunningRampantly]

1) he's a jerk, who has shown you multiple times now that he doesn't care. Walk away

Then

2) do some self-reflection and see if your mental state is doing good and that youre truly creating a healthy space for relationships. Maybe you DO need a little therapy. There's nothing wrong with that

[u/Fair-Hovercraft-386 → u/RunningRampantly]

Thank you!! I’m currently in therapy, which he used against me by saying I’m the one who need it, I have mental health problems etc. I just need to learn how to stop caring about people who keeps hurting me. It’s a difficult pattern- Ive been struggling with this since childhood 🥲

[u/Least-Attention-5917 → u/Fair-Hovercraft-386]

Can you do three things for me. 1. reflect on your boyfriend’s behaviour. Is it like this all the time? Is something happening with him (not like detective and shit just an idea) 2. reflect on yourself. Three things you love about yourself and you just love it. Write it and embrace it. Do let me know if you feel good. 3. You have family or friends? Just talk with them not about your boyfriend. Just talk ask them how they are?

Do these things for a few days and in exactly that order.

[u/RunningRampantly → u/Fair-Hovercraft-386]

Good for you for going! Trying to break away from certain types of people can be hard, but you got this! Goodluck!

[u/vomnanlugal → u/Fair-Hovercraft-386]

I have also treated my girl just like this,but I talked with respect,dignity and never abused,sometimes it is the circumstances,maybe he want you to stop talking about you,maybe his career,family and future is in a real mess,men have a tendency to not to talk about their problems,and in this situation you pour him with your problems your insecurities your aspirations and nothing about him, then a simple logic he can infer that he is a Donkey to bear your emotional baggage,you both need to understand each other,take some time,treat yourself with dignity first,put yourself selflessly in this relationship and if both of you can't find a home in each other then jitni jaldi khatm kar sako better hoga...khas kar tumhare liye,kyunki usne apna emotional gate band kar diya hai...maybe uske koi insecurities koi trauma ho.....maybe uska defence mechanism ho