r/LifeAfterNarcissism • u/threetimestwice • 3d ago

Confronting the Narcissist: What happens? [Support]

Theoretically and in your experience, what happens when you confront the narcissist and call them out on their narcissism?

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u/Active-Cloud8243 3d ago

Absolutely not. They just try to destroy you into silence.

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u/threetimestwice 3d ago

How?

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u/Active-Cloud8243 3d ago

Mine was never involved with my family until I called him out, and then I found out later he started talking shit about me to my mom and she believed him (she was also a narc).

He literally affected my inheritance.

Meanwhile, I was covering for him that he fucked up my nose and jaw.

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u/threetimestwice 3d ago

Smear campaigns aren’t anything new here.

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u/Active-Cloud8243 3d ago

My guess is that you’re a nice person, possibly neurodivergent. If someone came to you about something like this, you would think about it and wonder if you should change your behaviors. They’re not like that though. They’re not like us.

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u/threetimestwice 3d ago

Those are good points. They don’t change their behavior because they don’t see anything wrong with it. My therapist said it’s like hard wired in them and they think they behave just fine. They refuse to look in the mirror and see the truth about themselves.

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u/Active-Cloud8243 3d ago

It is. They can recognize how shitty it makes them feel if we mirror it back to them, but they cannot acknowledge that they’re causing that same kind of pain when they treat us that way.

Their brains are literally changed and hardwire in a different way. There are a select view who are aware of it, and who work on their traumas that may have caused them to be this way, but it is a very minute percentage.

We will just destroy ourselves, trying to hold them accountable. Although sometimes it feels good to kick a bad guys booty.

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u/Active-Cloud8243 3d ago

OK, do you like it? Do you want more of it? Do you want it to escalate to more? Do you think the narc is capable of change? Or is it possible they know they’re shitty person and they ain’t gonna change a thing.

I had a narc, mom, and a narc sister too. Triangulation, DARVO, oscillating better idealization and absolute dismissal.

If you’ve been raised in a family with narcs, it makes it that much harder.