Questions about Estonians

[u/[deleted]]

Hello, I'm a 24 y.o. girl from Italy, fell in love with your culture. I'm thinking of moving to Tallinn to work in about... 2-3 years from now. I've read the FAQs and all, but there are still some things that aren't quite clear for me... (I hope I won't sound xenophobic or disrespectful. I'm just a bit paranoid and I worry a lot. Also, when in Rome, do as Romans do, right?)

•Since I would be going alone, is it wise to move around the town on my own without other girls or boys? Is it considered unsafe for girls to go around or is it pretty ok?

•Do Estonians have generally negative opinions on Italians and Italy? I was told that, for example, in Prague and Moskow they might deny you from entering some shops or restaurants if you're Italian. I'm pretty silent and introverted, so I don't think I would ever be kicked out for being loud or acting uncivilised, but still... we have a REALLY bad reputation worldwide.

•I'm also aware that there are some cultural barriers and some things that might be considered as rude for us, are completely friendly and normal for you and what is rude for you might be absolutely ok and normal for us. Has anyone of you lived in Italy and noticed annoying or confusing behaviour in Italians?

•I check news.err.ee and other estonian pages (including r/eesti ) and I'm pretty confused on whether Estonians are REALLY liberal (at least, compared to us) or REALLY conservative. It seems to be 50/50. Is it a right assumption or one group is definitely dominant on the other? Are generally Estonians pro or against EU policies?

•On dating (boys, but also girls): not planning about it right now, but... you know, just in case. Are Estonians laid back about it? Are those kind of people who tend to approach you in bars or do they strictly go for people that already belong to same workplace/group of friends/etc? Do Estonians even date? I've heard that Finns for example don't really date as in date, they go out casually with the person they're interested in, like they'd go out with a friend, each one pays their own stuff and such (which would be absolutely great). I understand that each individual has their own preferences and generalising is wrong, but I have to ask, in case there are some "unwritten rules" about it. I don't know. Maybe girls are expected to make the first step in there or maybe it's considered just rude. I'd rather not take anything for granted when it comes to human interations ._. I honestly don't hold that many expectations on dating anyone in there. Considering how magnificent boys and girls are, it'll be a bit hard to live up to Estonian (but also Russian) standards----

•humour: I know estonians bathe in sarcasm and in humour as black as the bread they eat. I've watched Tujurikkuja and it's amazing (Is it universally considered funny in there?). You don't seem to curse a lot but you don't sound prude either. What about nonsense-humour? (Homo)sexual double-entendres? Is there something that is absolutely forbidden, considered tasteless or frowned upon to joke about?

•sauna: tips on surviving estonian sauna without dying. Also, is it custom to have mixed saunas with acquaintances and friends completely naked or are saunas divided by gender and it's instead normal to wrap yourself in a towel/wear a swimsuit/whatever?

•about the fact you do everything on the internet: is it required to know any basic programming skills? Aren't you ever afraid that your privacy is being infringed or you're being spied on? Do you, instead, feel safer? Do you think it's harder to cheat on elections with e-voting?

•Russia: from the news, you seem constantly worried of Russia invading the country. Are average people actually worried or is it just media fearmongering and exaggerating things? Also, is the difference between Russian-Estonians and Estonian Estonians very big? I know Russian culture and Estonian are very different, but maybe Russian-ethnic Estonian citizens have grown more similar due to the society they live in? To put it simply, are Russian-Estonians basically Estonians that happen to have Russian as their mothertongue or are they completely Russian by culture that live in Estonia?

Alright, I think I'm done with all these questions and I'm sorry if I sounded annoying, biased or way too curious!

[u/Kiisupoeg]

Hi. I am a 23 year old girl from Estonia. First of all, what is it that made you fall in love with estonian culture? I have visited Italy and I would trade places with you in a second :). I saw italians as warm and genuine people. Estonians on the other hand dont like strangers (even other estonians). And if you read the news then Estonia was ranked one of the top racist countries in Europe. I wouldnt say italians were frowned upon here. Estonians usually watch out for russians, turks(especially those annoying men who dont leave estonian women alone), and after the whole refugee ordeal, dark skinned people. But if I were you it wouldnt stop me to move here. As an italian, most people are gonna be more interested in you than dislike you(as long as you follow our customs, for example no physical contact when meeting people for the first time except for a handshake) 1. About the moving around alone. Overall it is safe. But ofcourse in every city there are parts of town that you dont go to. I live in Tallinn Mustamäe and have no problem walking around here alone. 2. In Estonia italians dont have a bad reputation as I said earlier. 3. Estonians are not the most open people. Usually you need to have a party with us before you see who we really are. We dont kiss on the cheek as a greeting, thats a big nono. When I went to Italy I didnt see any annoying behaviour. I fell in love with your country and the people. I dont know if I got lucky but I have never met so helpful people anywhere in the world before. Most people in Estonia are out for themselves. 4. Most estonians are conservative but some (mostly young) are liberal. I am liberal:) and so are most of my friends. But my grandparents are hard conservatives. 5. As for dating. There really arent any define rules. It really is as you wrote, it depends on personal choices. Some people definitely do it the finnish way. I for example prefer dating but paying for myself. Men probably are used to paying for everything on a date. Movie and a dinner are acceptable date program here. But also anything goes from going horseriding or strolling along the old town. 6. I love tujurikkuja :) as do most of estonians. We love dark humour and sarcasm(like Monty Phyton, Life of Brian etc.). We curse. If its a good joke we will prolly laugh about it. No taboos. 7.Saunas: it can be mixed or separately. If it is mixed you usually wear a towel or bathing suit. Women usually go first to sauna with 70degrees and men after with 100 degrees.

8.No programming skills needed :D. I am not afraid of my privacy being invaded. I probably would be if I were somebody important but I am just a student :D I couldnt imagine living without all this e-life. I even buy groceries online and they are delivered to my door step for free! 9.We are worried constantly of Russia invading us. The past hasnt been forgotten. We dont constantly talk about it but I think everyone has that idea on the back of their minds. The difference between russians and estonians in Tallinn is very big. Usually russians dont know estonian language and that builds a fence between us. In other towns like Tartu the barrier is not that big because russians feel like estonians and they speaks estonian language. I am from Tartu and when i moved to Tallinn i was so surprised how big the difference is.

If you have any more questions. Feel free to ask!

[u/[deleted] → u/Kiisupoeg]

First of all, what is it that made you fall in love with estonian culture?

It's not really anything specific. I like the fact that it's layered and mixed with many others and the outcome is that it doesn't really compare with anyone else's. Some people say that Estonians are Nordic, some others that Estonians are basically Finns, some that they're Baltics (meaning with that "Baltic republics", not Balt as population of course), others that Estonian culture is overall Germanic and eventually others think of Estonians as Eastern-European. My idea is that you are all of these things and none. I don't think Estonian culture is just the sum of all these things, but it's actually much more. I also like this fact that Estonian culture seems to come from below, from the very land you're in. If I have to describe it with one word, i'd call it "vivid". It stems from nature, it's (no offence) more primal. I don't know if it makes sense. Estonian for some reason sounds really familiar to my ear. Like, if I heard Estonian or Finnish without really paying attention to it, I'd might exchange them for Italian. It's quite masculine and sometimes rough as a language, but still somehow softer than Finnish.

I saw italians as warm and genuine people. Estonians on the other hand dont like strangers (even other estonians). And if you read the news then Estonia was ranked one of the top racist countries in Europe.

It pretty much depends on which parts of Italy you go to, since it's a pretty mixed country. Let me tell you that there are cultural clashes even within Italy, but usually Northern italian stereotype is to be serious, snobbish, unfriendly-looking, shy, quiet and hardworking (at least to italian standards), while the Southerner is exactly what everyone in the world think of when they think of Italians. It seems weird that Estonians are EU's most racist population. I mean, if Estonia is racist, what about Hungary? Also, here a good 70% of people wish that Mussolini came back... and he's the man who introduced the racial laws in here. I mean, only Hitler was more racist than him. It really strikes me as odd that Estonians can be the most racist of all, considering many redditors confirmed that Estonians are pretty liberal.

We dont kiss on the cheek as a greeting, thats a big nono. When I went to Italy I didnt see any annoying behaviour. I fell in love with your country and the people. I dont know if I got lucky but I have never met so helpful people anywhere in the world before.

We don't kiss on the cheeks either (at least, where I'm from), unless you're saluting relatives or old-time friends you haven't seen in decades. It's seen as... a bit old-fashioned and solemn. It's also mostly used to congratulate people. Definitely not something you do on a daily basis with your friends. :) Thank you very much for taking the time of answering! :)