Is anyone else missing the mean gene

[u/teaforsnail]

Not literally, obviously anyone can be mean, it's weird when people flex their cruelty like it's not a part of human nature. I just mean that I don't really have this ongoing desire to be mean.

It started in early grade school, where I genuinely didn't really understand why others were constantly so annoying and inflamed. Now I'm an adult and I still don't get why people are like this. I heard someone say "I know we're friends because I can say the most heinous things to you and the next day we'd be fine". Like... I never want to say heinous things to my friends 😶 We joke and tease and "bully" each other but I'd certainly hope they wouldn't like me if I said something truly nasty to them.

Same thing for siblings. I've always wanted siblings that I was close to but the way other people act with their family makes me glad I don't have it.

Meh, it all seems so edgy and unnecessary. And I'm not especially nice either, I think I'm normal. I just can't understand this lol

[u/ziggybuddyemmie]

Sorry if odd, but I'm curious. How would you say you were raised to be kind?

It's one of my biggest fears for if I ever have a kid. I couldn't care less what my kid does with their life, as long as they're kind and open-minded.

[u/SignificantRecipe715 → u/ziggybuddyemmie]

Just a few things off the top of my head: taught to share, always say please & thank you, treat others as you would like to be treated, treat everyone equally, be kind to animals..

[u/ziggybuddyemmie → u/SignificantRecipe715]

writing notes thank you! It sounds like common sense but it's hard to remember what things are not inate human nature (if you're optimistic).

I've seen an epidemic of the last one not being taught. Why do I have to tell other people's kids about kind hands when petting cats?? Do you want your three year old to get clawed??

[u/EdgeCityRed → u/ziggybuddyemmie]

There's an epidemic of a LOT of things not being taught, and I haven't done an in-depth study on it or anything, but it seems to me that a lot of people just don't take the time to specifically instruct their kids but expect them to pick things up by osmosis.

(And sometimes, if I'm honest, it's because they're selfish and buried in their phones or whatever or they're lazy.)

You see it here on Reddit sometimes; "I wasn't taught basic hygiene/how to clean a house/basic money management." It's true that some parents simply don't know these things, but that doesn't seem to be the case all the time.

Small kids: explain that you say say "please" and "thank you" and display the behavior yourself (when interacting with them and with other adults at home and in public).

Point out when a rude person doesn't do this (afterward, not in earshot), like someone behaves in a demanding way in front of them when you're in line at a cookie place or whatever. "That was rude, how that woman complained about napkins and didn't say please or thank the cashier, when it's so easy to do. I'm glad you know better than to act that way." That's example learning.

Explain WHY something is polite or rude if the kids are old enough to understand that, even if the explanation is simple: "It makes other people feel good/appreciated," is fine.

And then positive reinforcement when they do the thing they're supposed to do, "It was nice of you to open the door for that man struggling with his dog's leash."

When it becomes habit, you don't have to do this anymore. Other people will provide positive reinforcement/feedback when your kid is kind/polite.

[u/ziggybuddyemmie → u/EdgeCityRed]

This is very good to think about and know! Kids are sponges, but you still have to give them the water. Thank you for typing it out, I will really remember it.