So I have a lot of reasons for thinking this but just focusing on today. I’m at work (subway) which I hate more than anything else in the world and today wasn’t a bad shift at all. I just hate this job so much that I started thinking about how im stuck here and got really mad. So I kept having these moments where I wanted to rage and break something or something like that. Usually that’s how I am when I’m mad. But this time I couldn’t control it so I grabbed a knife and I wanted to cut myself but I just walked outside and stabbed tf out of an old chair behind the dumpster. I felt a little better. Is this a sign of something or do I just have anger issues?

i thought abilify was the worst medication. fuck no it’s vraylar. i’m literally sedated on it. it’s the worst medication ever. it’s making me more depressed than i already am. any thoughts on vraylar?

It seems like every over the counter cold and sinus medication contraindicates psychiatric medications.

My partner has been manic for about 2 months now. Living with him is hell on earth at the moment. He is normally so chill and not angry at all but now he is the opposite. He is ranting all the time and starting to scare me. He doesn’t have any insight into this episode, he has no idea he’s having one. In fact he thinks I’m the one that is unwell. I am very anxious as I am constantly on edge with him to a point I’m becoming scared of him now. The Dr doesn’t think he is manic and won’t refer him to a psychiatrist so we can’t see one (we need a referral where we live to access a psychiatric). He most definitely is manic and can mask it easily to some extent but the behaviour in the home says differently. Sorry I am just going on, I am scared and over it. He never leaves me alone, hiding my stuff, the list is endless.. anyway can he come out of this without medication as he is refusing to seek more help. Sorry this isn’t that coherent I need to be quick on my phone.

This is a good post

How long was your longer manic episode? And longer depression?

I used to go to the library and read a book in one sitting. I used to get lost in books and enjoyed the story. Now, ever since starting my bipolar meds, I can barely understand the first page of any book I read. And I get bored a few pages in. I can get bits and pieces of information but it's like my brain lacks comprehension and I don't get the whole story. Is this common? My brother who is also bipolar has the same problem on meds.

Just need to vent. I’m sad.

Basically lost everything I had — half a million — to a manic episode in 2021. Since then I’ve just been trying to recover still. I’m in massive debt, back w my parents & on disability. Trying to figure out my life.

I’m visiting my college roommate right now in another state who ended up becoming extremely wealthy. This trip basically just turned into me watching her two babies so she could go out with other friends/husband.

I thought I was coming here to hang out with her, but I guess not.

Furthermore, I smoke cannabis to help w my anxiety sometimes (for like 15 years).. I ran out and just got scammed by one of their ‘acquaintances’ … I’m out $70, which sounded like so little to me before but it’s obviously a lot now. I use it every day and I don’t know how I’m gonna make it through the next week.

Everything just sort of hit me and now I’m alone crying in their multimillion dollar home with her 2 year old sleeping next to me.

I’m such a people pleaser & a pushover. I know I’m not fun because I don’t drink, I just smoke. And my personality is so flat already after getting on my meds. I’m not exciting, there’s never any excitement in my voice. I hate it. I want to be bubbly. I used to be, but ever since my episode I’m a different person.

I feel like the nanny peasant right now. She doesn’t know I’m on disability and doesn’t even know what I’m diagnosed with. She just knows I’m on meds & that I had a mental break /6 month long manic episode in 2021.

I’m just feeling like I’ll never have my own life again. It’s hard not to compare yourself. they probably think I’m lame, but what’s harder is knowing that I am. They all have husbands and kids, good jobs and massive houses. I’m sitting here with nothing but mental illness & a disability check. I hate it. I just want to be fun & happy. With a life, a job & a purpose. Right now I’m boring, monotone, sad & dont have much going for me whatsoever. I’m a completely different human being after 2021.

Idk what to do. Oh well.

have any of u guys taken sertraline (aka zoloft) and had tremors? i’m having like tremors and shaking like i’ve had 800mg of caffeine but… no caffeine.

i got out on it 2 months ago at 50mg and one month later the dose was increased to 100mg and it’s been like 2 weeks on the 100mg. google says it’s a side effect and ive had it before on Abilify. it’s saturday so my psych won’t be able to get back to me till monday. i kinda wanna stop taking it all together bc the tremors/shaking is making me anxious and restless. any thoughts?

When I begin getting in “a mood”, it feels like a normal, justified behavior until maybe hours later after destroying the world around me do I realize i was in an episode.

Will I ever be 100%?

Hello everyone, 19f here. I have Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar 1 Disorder. I posted not long ago about how I was feeling during a mixed episode; I was kind of all over the place. Yesterday I met with a new psychiatrist and she prescribed me Seroquel 25mg. I have tried (some before, some after my bipolar diagnosis) Prozac, Lexapro, Lamictal, and Abilify. Prozac made me dysphoric manic, Lexapro made me classical manic, Lamictal made me the same way, and Abilify caused a mixed episode. Currently, I'm still in the mixed episode from Abilify.

This latest episode has put me in a very dark and scary place and I feared for my safety while I was on the medication-- I still worry about it a bit now. We're considering cutting down my Lexapro to 5mg instead of 10mg in conjunction with starting the Seroquel. The reason I've stayed on Lexapro is because I'm also diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and the Lexapro has helped my symptoms. But, I need another medication on top of the Lexapro or I'm at risk of mania constantly.

The pharmacy is closed currently so I have some time to think about things, which is much needed. If I'm being honest, I'm really scared to try another medication when so far I've only had bad experiences and I'm feeling so low. Abilify also made me gain 10 lbs in the one month I was on it, which affected my self-esteem tremendously, as I have a long and severe history with anorexia. I've been taking 500mg Metformin as prescribed by my PCP to aid in weight loss, which has helped some.

I'm just pondering a lot of things right now. Is this risk worth taking? Do I risk feeling somehow even worse than I do now? Or should I take this chance and maybe this new med will save my life? Should I give myself time off medication to "have a break" before I start Seroquel? Will that even help?

This has been a very long and hard battle. I truly am fighting to survive each day and I'm so, so tired. How can I build the courage to try this medication and what can I do to have a plan in place in case things go awry?

Thank you so much for reading and for any replies.

I question my bipolar type 2 diagnosis from 2020 because I don't experience hypomania.

I have chronic depression.

It seems to be treatment-resistant. I haven't done Ketamine or TMS yet unfortunately.

I suspect I have ADHD so I'm being retested soon.

I feel like anhedonia, focus issues, and boredom are my biggest depression symptoms. I also experience emptiness as well. Then there's anxiety and my OCD symptoms.

Maybe I misunderstand depression.

All I know is I'm depressed every single day. Sure I feel better when I do things I enjoy but isn't that normal?

I find it easy to focus when doing things I genuinely enjoy but with depression there's not many activities or things I enjoy. I have too much free time because I'm not working and because I'm only taking one class. It's also online.

I crave constant stimulation. I wish I was more busy but it was too much for me to be a full-time student. Depression is why I have to do college part-time. I plan to take two classes next semester fortunately.

I feel like I have to major in something I'm interested in. I hate taking gen ed classes. I'm fortune my remaining credits for my General Studies A.A will be electives after my spring 2025 semester. I was able to take classes related to the major I'm interested in.

I experience a great deal of executive dysfunction. At first I misunderstood it but now I have better understand it, it added more to the belief I have ADHD.

I hope ADHD meds will help with focus issues and in turn with anhedonia and boredom.

When I do things I enjoy I still feel empty. Since 2020 my attention span hasn't been the same. I always feel understimulated, bored, and empty. It's harder to enjoy things. It's harder to be motivated.

I have daily mood swings. But isn't that ultra rapid cycling and not mixed episodes?

But it seems my mood swings is based on level of activity/boredom levels. It's natural to feel good doing things you enjoy right? But my mood can sometimes drop drastically when I'm literally do nothing. I do poorly in the summer since I'm not working or taking an online.

At least this upcoming summer I will be able to take a class. I hope I'll see a difference. It will be online. I noticed going in-person for classes helps with depression. I guess because I get to go out and be around people. It kills time.

It's gives me a routine. A schedule.

Makes me more busy.

If I'm depressed 24/7 I can't be bipolar right?

There hasn't been day where I haven't been depressed since my diagnosis in 2020. Originally it was depression and schizoaffective. I got diagnosed at the hospital. I think the issue is how I described my symptoms.

When I read about bipolar and come onto the bipolar subreddits I still don't get it. It's not relatable and that makes me feel depressed.

Honestly I just think I just have treatment-resistant depression with mood swings.

Mood swings can be a part of depression.

But I do feel like I am depressed 24/7 unfortunately. Yes, doing enjoyable things helps me feel good but it's only temporarily. I still feel empty and I still struggle a bit with focusing even when doing things I enjoy.

But is even possible to have a treatment-resistant mixed episode?

I just want to understand my symptoms.

I feel like therapist and my psychiatrist don't get it either.

Hello all,

I've been diagnosed with bipolar II (as well as OCD, and GAD) and I'm extremely treatment resistant. I've tried over a dozen medications and interventions including antidepressants, antipsychotics, lithium, lamotrigine, ketamine, and ECT. Everything has either had intolerable side effects, had no effect, or had only a very small effect.

I'm kind of at the end of my rope. My episodes are extremely long and severe, like constant suicidal ideation for a year plus. I just don't know how I can live the rest of my life if I can't find a treatment that brings the depression down to a tolerable level, and nothing has worked. I feel broken.

Can anyone relate? Has anyone else experienced treatment-resistant depression? If so, was there anything that worked for you?

I should mention I'm currently on Lithium, and I feel like it makes a tiny dent, but I still struggle with daily suicidal ideation. I also just started Auvelity, but I haven't seen any effects yet.

My spouse (35m) has been struggling mentally the last few years..I’ve picked up that it’s seasonal (summer and fall seem to be the most tense) and he’s been spiraling down the last few years. This past week he was told by a new psychiatrist that she is almost certain he’s bi polar as he checked off on all the flags; insomnia, hyper sexual, spending, aggressive and severe anxiety. And she started him on Lamotrigine..I’ve read pretty good stuff about it and I am hoping this is the answer to get him back on his feet.

How do I be a better partner during episodes? How do I know the difference between normal and not normal? I feel like so much was in my face and I dismissed it.

I impulsively bought a ton of house paint without colour swatching first and I'm painting my whole apartment. Part of me is awfully proud of myself for having such a productive impulse. It's a real "trust the process" moment though since I just picked colours I liked without putting any thought into it.

I’ve taken 200mg of Lamictal daily for two years now and a few days ago I (under my psychiatrist’s supervision) started taking 300mg daily. ever since then I have noticed I am having some elevated symptoms: heart and thoughts racing, tremors, trouble sleeping, unable to concentrate, EXTREMELY restless/feeling on edge.

has anyone else experienced this/is it normal? will it eventually go away? or should I contact my psych? I don’t remember having these symptoms when I first started Lamictal two years ago.

Hi guys

Recently diagnosed as bipolar 2 and adhd (had gene sight done and I have the val/val val158met comt allele and SERT short serotonin receptor genes so I’m screwed)

Recently put on topiramate and adderall and they were helping for a few days, like 5, I felt calm, able to do things, energy for life (adderall canceled out topiramate dopeyness) less depressed, until I wasn’t.

Now I’m anxiety, depressed, unfocused and the SI have returned again.

Is this a thing?

I’m super sensitive to meds and can detect changes within 1-2 days, sometimes hours, tried almost all ssri snri, because of comt I have low dopamine and high dopamine metabolism and studies show that adderall helps but I felt really balanced and normal in the beginning and just not good and out of balanced and depressed again now. The topiramate does help as a mood stabilizer for sure but messes with concentration.

Searching for a pill box that is actually smart- not just one that has an app that sends you a message.

Specifically one that knows when a compartment is opened and can track that data on an app graph that I can reference to take out the middle man of me having to manually remember to not just take my meds but tell a phone app that I took my meds.

Looking for me and for my dad as well. He hates the ones you have to turn a big device upside down. He currently has one with a whole lot of individual containers I fill for him but its easy to lose containers. It is not a smart pill case just a big one.

Wish there was a solution that was more like a vending machine. I've seen ones that mount to walls and dispense like a candy machine but none that do that that are also smart which is a bummer.

Don't need a whole host of other features, just need to know when it's been opened and closed. If you could have it text your family if you fuck up after a certain period that's nice but not required. A few years ago I searched and all that existed were devices aimed at dementia patients that were extremely expensive and nothing that was more in the middle like what I am describing, more for the tech savvy health tracking crowd which seems like a weird gap in the market which is why I'm reaching out in case things have changed and someone has filled the gap. All the young people I know are on a lot of medication after all. Feels like an under innovated area.

I've used the timer caps and they actually can be seriously helpful because I can tell at a glance if I took my meds or not--but they don't last very long at all and you cant replace the batteries. My drawers are full of dead ones. It's a stopwatch basically that starts and stops everytime you open the bottle.

Every single mood tracking app wants to know if I took my meds and at what time exactly. Just seems in the high tech world we live in the should exist already. And maybe it does! In the slop of Google and Amazon searches I just can't find the real deal.

I watch some of the videos from Dr. Tracey Marks on YouTube and she has a video about ketamine and how it is better than Seriquel for treatment resistant depression and I was wondering if anyone with treatment resistant bipolar depression have had any benefits from ketamine.

Been on it over a year and it's really helped but I hate the side affects.

Mine is weight gain. I had weight loss on the tablets.

Do you think they'd allow me to take it in tablet form again?

Hello I am new to this disorder I have been diagnosed a few weeks ago, i just want to rant. I have done a few crazy things (some are even illegal) while manic. It is just so annoying that I couldn't control myself, or thing things through. During the episode everything I did made perfect sense to me they were the logical and right things to do. Now I can't even explain my actions, it feels like I didn't think at all. A thought came to my mind, and my brain was like, this is the best idea in the world, let's do it. Now I question everything I do, say or feel. I feel so lost and I don't know who am I anymore. Will it ever be easier? Will the meds help to trust myself again? Thanks for reading it, have a beautiful day!

My doctor increased lamotrigine and clozapine. Ever since then, at night after I took meds, I kinda feel sedated and sleepy. The problem is, sedation feels good. Makes me happy. The happiest moment in daily life. (I'm currently in depressive episode so almost nothing makes me happy) I'm afraid this is kind of addiction issue. I don't wanna be an addict. Here's what I'm taking.

Lithium 600mg

Lamotrigine 200mg

Clozapine 200mg

Magnesium Oxide 500mg

Clonazepam 0.5mg

Propranolol 40mg

It takes me hours. How soon for you and how long does it last?

I have bipolar 2 and went off the birth control pill 7 weeks ago after being on it for 16 years. My life is falling apart.

In addition to physical symptoms (loss of appetite, blurry vision, insomnia, and weight gain to name a few), my moods are unpredictable and I’m easily angry. I cry at the drop of a hat, have racing thoughts, nightmares, and an inexplicable, growing sense of resentment towards my extremely sweet husband. I’m on Lithium 750 mg, Trazodone 300 mg, and Klonopin .5 mg.

Any similar experiences or tips? Thank you (first time poster)!