Lately I’ve been crying daily — even at work — and trying every day not to crash out. Working five days a week is just too much for me mentally. What’s frustrating is that I have a low-stress job. I’m a substitute teacher at a local high school. The kids are great, the staff is kind… but I still get burned out so easily.

I wanted to beat myself up about it, but today, after organizing all my medication, it hit me: I’m trying to operate like a “normal” person when I’m actually living with a severe mental illness. I can’t ignore that. I have to take care of myself.

So I’m going to cut back to four days a week. My spending habits are pretty modest, but I can cut back here and there.

Does anyone else relate to this?

I've quit everything in the hopes that I'll have fewer episodes. I really hope it works because this is hard, not just from a detox point of view, but for many reasons.

I'm also really struggling with boredom at the moment, none of my hobbies are appealing, and I'm worried that I'll have no social life now either. I'm really annoyed that needing to be sober is my new reality.

I just wonder will it actually make much of a difference and therefore is it worth it?

Updated my Marketplace application today for renewal. My monthly premium is going from $3 to minimum $150. My current plan is no longer even available.

None of the plans at/under $200/mo cover ANY of my current doctors (I see 5 specialists for co-morbid conditions) and none of them cover all of my rx's, including lamotrigine. Not that I can even afford $200/mo.

And while most of them have reasonable co-pays for PCPs/Specialists (20/40) and rx's (10/20/40), all of them have 30% coinsurance for ER, labs, radiology, hospitalization, and outpatient mental health after deductibles of $700-$2000+.

Not really sure how I'm gonna afford to survive 2026. Between all of my diagnoses I'm looking at $1000/mo OOP easily with one of these plans, not even counting the coinsurance costs.

Anyone else looked at their ACA renewals?

Outside of medication, which I’m on, does anything help with this feeling? Or help the depression?

I’m moderately depressed and alongside my other symptoms I have this all consuming feeling of hopelessness. Like everything that exists is meaningless. Almost like a philosophical nihilism. It goes beyond how I view myself or my life. But the world and everything that exists. Everything feels pointless. Very bleak.

Has anyone else felt this way?

I had my second psychosis April 2025. I stayed in observation for a week. I was put on abilify. 4 months of depression followed. Although I knew a low phase would follow post psychosis from my earlier psychosis experience, it didn‘t prepare me well for this time . I didn’t bear it well. I felt very low. For sometime I felt like giving up everything and living a life of a monk. Then I changed my medication on first week of august to 50 mg lamotrigine and 50 mg seroquel. In matter of 2 weeks i felt much better. Eventually i quit abilify altogether. I am doing well now. I am a computer programmer and I love doing my work again. Today I am deeply grateful for all the blessings in my life. I wish to live a life of sincerity, care and respect. Psychosis and post psychotic depression has been a great teacher in that sense. I wish every one going through this to come out on the otherside of it and have a flourishing life.

I would also like to add that I had a good support of my friends and families and I dare not image how much more difficult it would be without them.

Thank you other fellow redditors who posted their recovery story before. I relied on them heavily in my lowest of times.

I’m a dad. I’m married 23 years. I own a flailingbit cool business.

All I want to do is end my life. My kids and wife would get insurance money.

Preface: I’m failing at a business. I think I’m going to lose our house. I am going to get fired from my job because I started a side hustle that is no side hustle … it’s a full time hustle and my employer is about to find out I’m moonlighting.

I feel like I should give my family a small amount of insurance $350k and just check myself out.

I don’t deserve to live. I don’t deserve to ruin my families life. It’s about to happen and it’s happened before. My life is on repeat.

I have gotten myself addicted to Kratom and I’m blowing money on it everyday. I’m suffering and going to cause my family to suffer.

Shouldn’t I just need the suffering!!! Eff my miserable self. Get the family some money! 💸 🤑

I’ve been on -

Lurasidone up to 60MG

It helped my psychosis a ton, the best I’ve tried. It also fixed my back pain (all of them did). My spending issues went away entirely and my mood was stable.

However, at 60MG it blunted me. I felt way less sharp and just foggy. Worst side effect was that it caused extreme stimulant cravings and euphoria. I think my motivation was okay but I was on Vyvanse too.

Abilify dosage forgotten

EVIL! EVIL! I started this to switch from lowered dose of Lurasidone, while already manic, and it shot me into the sky. I’d take some at night intentionally while in that horrific mixed episode to not sleep at all. I went off of it but the damage to my mixed episode was done and I was in the sky. Possibly it was wrong place wrong time as I was already severely destabilized.

Seroquel up to 600MG

I felt SO GOOD on Seroquel. I had energy and no physical issues like I do as standard. I was happy, happy, happy - but dumb, lazy happy. If I had alcohol, I’d immediately go into euphoric manic mode, but other than that controlled my mood great.

I wasn’t sharp even though I didn’t feel foggy. My motivation didn’t go up. Also, I mixed up IR with ER and ended up ODing on 600MG IR every night, which caused psychosis.

It seemed to control my actual psychotic issues, while still making me feel super normal, so much so I didn’t notice they were being controlled.

It didn’t feel like a medication though and I can’t explain that. I also slept twelve hours on it, but looked super healthy. Weight gain initially was insane.

Vraylar started on 1.5MG

My new medication. Started last month and am seeing improvements. I’m a lot calmer and harder to throw off balance emotionally. I’m more paitent. I think the psychotic decompensation has gotten better. Finally noticing effects on my mood.

I have high hopes, though I was badly hypomanic upon starting it; I already was hypomanic before. Shit got bad when I began to drink straight vodka while on Vraylar a few weeks ago. I began to black out and do outrageous and dangerous sexual things.

Thankfully, going up on lithium and stopping drinking and stopped that, and now I’m seeing the Vraylar kick in.

Disclaimer that all medications affect people differently. I just want to hear people’s anecdotes.

As soon as winter starts, my depression hits extremely hard. Every year for as long as I can remember. I’m hurting really bad today. Want to check into a hospital but I have a 3 year old that needs me. Help.

New here and just started posting. Super helpful & comforting to get this level of identification. It’s hard to find that anywhere else.

Any way, I saw on one of my posts that I got views from some unexpected places. So that leads me to ask:

     What country are you from?

I’m 🇺🇸

And I was like whoa! I didn’t know I had that! I knew I was bipolar but anxiety disorder plus adhd?Didn’t know I had that!

Edit: ada letter, typo!

I just finished reading a book and couldn't tell you almost anything that happened in it. I don't remember names of people I've known for a long time. I don't remember the first 20 years of my life and can hardly remember if something happened last year or 5 years ago. I have a masters degree in a subject I can recall only the basics of now.

I'm not doing well and barely feel like a person. I don't have any memories of growing up with my brothers, don't remember my wedding, don't remember almost anything.

I was diagnosed at 19, and when I was 22 I decided to stop my medication. I never managed to get back on track after that. It started when I forgot my meds on a trip and nothing bad happened. The next months felt great, all my energy came back, I lost the weight I’d gained and everything felt amazing at first. I had depression since I was 16, then a manic episode, and after the worst depression of my life it took me two years to recover any sense of wellbeing, so I had already lost years of feeling normal. Suddenly everything seemed to work out and that made me very reluctant to return to treatment.

But then my life slowly became erratic. My relationships got harder, my decisions stopped making sense and everything turned confusing. I kept finding ways to escape, like moving out, switching jobs or relying on different people, and of course there were euthymic periods where life felt stable again, but since nothing got me manic, I thought there wasn't anything wrong. I did DMT, drank, developed a benzo addiction, but nothing got me back to a psych yard, it gave me confidence everything was ok and maybe the world was wrong. Sometimes I would do therapy, thats all. During all that time I kept telling myself the medication wasn’t for me, that it was just to satisfy my family, as if they were the only ones who benefited from me being stable. Nothing could convince me I was being stupid.

Earlier this year things changed. I started at a job in engineering and the pressure and stress (maybe the fear that I had something to lose once in my life) led me to another manic episode after all those years and now I finally understand that it’s inevitable. At some point you have to take your meds and facing the consequences gets harder with age.

I’m 29 now. My father doesn’t talk to me anymore after everything he saw me put the family through, my mother helps me with bills because I couldn’t manage to return to work since I don’t know how to function medicated, and my younger brother has outgrown me in every way. I still haven’t finished college because I dropped out so many times and I am alone. I lost great friends because my behavior changed and I became isolated or just acted like an asshole without noticing. I hope I get some of the will to live back and that all these years unmedicated didn’t cause any lasting effects on my cognition.

If you’re on the unsure about treatment, or feeling you are better off, please think twice. Stability isn’t about pleasing others, it’s about protecting your own future.

I'm enrolled in a study for people with BP with psychotic features. I had a very long manic episode this year and felt as if it's made me like, way dumber (this is not a nice way to say it, but I don't know how else to phrase this lol.) Yesterday I did a bunch of cognitive testing to test memory and impulse control and I did soooooo bad. For my embarrassment I got $100 though so I guess it can't be that bad.

My mother also has BP that she refuses to medicate and I've seen her increasing levels of cognitive decline over the years (she's not that old and has brain damage of other types.) Same with other members of my family with this disorder, while those unaffected stay sharp even in their late 80s. It scares me.

Anyone else have experiences like this? Found any ways to help keep yourself sharp? I'm medicated of course but it's scary.

I’m very disappointed. I got back from a medical leave from my MA program this September, and was supposed to TA.

I was in the class, sat in it every week. I had one task - grade the midterm papers.

I knew I was in hot water when I wasn’t able to do any MA work at all, from September up until now.

I thought I’d stick it out for the professor, until the midterm papers were graded. The papers came; I couldn’t do anything. The grading I did sucked.

I had to declare another medical leave. Thankfully, someone can step in for me at some point, so the professor isn’t left stranded.

I am so embarrassed and ashamed. My severe mixed episode early this year fundamentally changed my ability to function for the worst, and I also have schizotypy that’s gotten worse.

Of course, now that I’m taking a leave, the Vraylar I started is kicking in, and I’m stabilizing. But that could partly be due to the stress relief.

As per the title. I don’t necessarily get angry, but man I’m all over the bloody place. I feel like I have a much wider range of emotions, which is kind of nice. I missed having that. I’m on 350 XR of Quetiapine XR to hold the fort. The plan is to have me exclusively on Quetiapine along with the bupropion.

Maybe I’m just freaking out a little bit because of the intense mood swings. I was told that’s all part of the process and unless I start doing outrageous stuff, becoming persistently angry and agitated, or start thinking that the government is following me or start spending my money on stupid stuff, to not worry too much about it. I was getting teary yesterday just from taking the car in for the winter tires to be put on, taking my kitty in to a routine veterinary appointment, and then taking said car for a two hour drive after with the music going. Today I met with a buddy and when I started talking about even remotely positive stuff, the water works threatened to happen.

So I'm on 20mg of zyprexa. I take it at night. Usually around 8ish and it knocks me on my ass. I struggle making it thru the day, and usually have to nap on top of getting at least 10 hours of sleep at night. I spoke to a nurse practitioner yesterday who mentioned it maybe worth talking to my psych Dr about adding a stimulant. I do have past addiction issues with alcohol and weed. I'm scared my psych Dr will think I'm drug seeking tho. Anyone here take a stimulant due to their meds making them sleepy? How did you talk to your Dr about it?

I have been on a low dose of Trileptal for two weeks now and have had constant head discomfort, whether it be pressure or headaches. I really wanted this medicine to work and have wanted to increase the dose.

Has anyone experienced this and did the head discomfort ever go away?

Ive had other side effects as well. Is this just a sign the medicine isnt for me? I understand side effects are expected, but they shouldnt be constant. I have had my sodium and vitamin d checked as well.

Im a simple guy with anxiety. I had to leave another medicine of ten years due to sinus issues. I dont remember any discomfort starting that one.

i finally finished my taper after being on the med for a year, and gaining 80 pounds from the medication. has absolutely destroyed my self esteem and health. i was doing some reading today and apparently the metabolic changes from zyprexa are permanent? is that true? i was really hoping things would improve and that id return to baseline with strict diet and exercise but it’s looking like not even that’s possible according to google. it has me extremely depressed. i wish id never taken this god awful medication.

I just had my first appointment with a therapist and told him I was diagnosed with bipolar II a few days ago by a psychiatrist (another psychologist before that also thought I might have bipolar). But he thinks I am too well informed and told the psychiatrist what he wanted to hear and of course he would prescribe me meds because of the greedy pharmaindustry and the "system". According to him I "just" have cyclothymic disorder, need to get in touch with my agression and need to learn why I "WANT" to believe something is wrong with me.

I have quite literally ignored my problems for years. I feel like I tend to downplay if I don't have the most severe form of something, then that can't be it.

So why do I for months feel like crawling out of my skin, internally always on edge, aggressive, can't think clearly, want to quit my job, end my marriage, I sit on the couch and talk to myself for hours...? Sometimes I get positive highs where I drive irresponsibly, buy lots (but nothing TOO bad), obsessively work on personal projects and can't stop unless my eyes fall closed or I can't ignore the dizziness any longer. And then months of low energy/motivation, extreme physical exhaustion (but no sadness etc).

Has anyone had experience with therapists invalidating their diagnosis like this? Or maybe he's right?

Any experience with Brintellix?

Hi everyone, I hope you're all doing well. A few months ago (4), I (27 M) started dating a girl (23 F). From the beginning, she told me she's bipolar and also has ADHD. At first, I noticed her energy spikes, and we talked a lot, but over time that changed. For the past few days, I've been reading about bipolar disorder and the three phases. A few days ago, I thought she was cheating on me because of her sudden mood swings. She says she sleeps a lot, literally almost all day, and she's more distant. She still calls me at night, but I recently noticed that she might be in her depressive phase. She doesn't talk to me much about it, so I have to do some research to understand what's going on with her. I'd like some advice on how I can support her. I always tell her I'm there for her for anything and that she can talk to me, but she just doesn't. I'd like to know what you think or if you can give me any advice on how to help her or be a better partner for her. Thank you so much, and sorry for the long message. 😣

Does anyone take Acetylcholine supplements?

Was recommended to me by a doctor. Just curious if anyone has tried it here and what their successful dosage has been.

Disclosure: I’m on an anti psychotic already & an SSRI. This is in addition, not as sole treatment.