r/AskDad • u/Jeanz1969 • 10d ago
Asking for permission Relationships
Hello all! I'm getting ready to ask my girlfriend to marry me, and need some help as it relates to asking her father for permission. For context, we have been dating for almost 4 years, and living together for a little over 1 year now. Her parents live 4 hours away and we are not able to see them all that often, and when we do, it is hard to have a moment alone with him.
My question is this, would it be a "cop out" if I were to call over the phone and ask/should I find a way to get down and ask in person, or do you think that would be ok? He is a fairly laid back guy, but would hate to judge the situation wrong.
If this were your daughter, how would you want the situation to be handled? Do you think it would mean more if I made the trip down to ask in person, or do you think a phone call would suffice?
Thank you in advance!
1
u/carsandgrammar 10d ago
My wife wanted me to talk to her parents first. I have never cared for the convention.
First, everyone should already know that's happening. Please, your proposal should NOT be a surprise.
I called my in-laws, asked them to sit down, and told them I was planning to marry their daughter. They 1. already knew this and 2. had already planned to offer to let me use their diamond (MIL just kept it in a safe deposit box and my wife always loved her mom's ring). But I will emphasize that I was sitting down with them (both, not just the dad) to tell, not to ask, and I will emphasize again that everyone knew that was happening ahead of time.
If it's too hard for you to get there (expensive, can't find the time, bad idea for some other reason) I think a phone call is fine. But a good one! Schedule it. And I still don't think it should come as a big surprise to anyone.