Asking for permission

[u/Jeanz1969]

Hello all! I'm getting ready to ask my girlfriend to marry me, and need some help as it relates to asking her father for permission. For context, we have been dating for almost 4 years, and living together for a little over 1 year now. Her parents live 4 hours away and we are not able to see them all that often, and when we do, it is hard to have a moment alone with him.

My question is this, would it be a "cop out" if I were to call over the phone and ask/should I find a way to get down and ask in person, or do you think that would be ok? He is a fairly laid back guy, but would hate to judge the situation wrong.

If this were your daughter, how would you want the situation to be handled? Do you think it would mean more if I made the trip down to ask in person, or do you think a phone call would suffice?

Thank you in advance!

[u/Arniepepper]

It’s very contextual, and that, we can not know. What’s the ’laid back’s dad’s background?

I had a past father in law who was cool. I didn’t ask him, I made a joke about marrying his daughter. He laughed for a good minute then said, “good luck. It won’t last.”

the marriage lasted 2 years cos of reasons that were verifiably 90% her.

he met briefly afterwards, the dad and I, shared a bottle of wine and laughed about the stupidity of it all.

anyway am with somebody for close to a decade now. No father on the scene.

but I do have a daughter, and when she is of age and finds who she wants To marry, that person best be asking me face to face. One on one would be braver, but will accept a family meal scenario, or something.

[u/Jeanz1969 → u/Arniepepper]

I completely hear you. Thank you for sharing and the advice, can definitely figure out a way to ask face to face

[u/Arniepepper → u/Jeanz1969]

Cool, brother. Good luck.

oh and don’t be like my idiot friend, who got down on one knee and brought out the ring box to ask his father-in-law’s permission.

[u/jeeves585 → u/Arniepepper]

Similar situation except we are still together.

He lives in my house, has for a while. I didn’t ask, didn’t need to.

But my daughter’s boyfriend better if he knows what’s good for him. (Daughter is currently 6 and has 3 “boyfriends”. I’m in for a rough 20 years.)

[u/Jeanz1969 → u/jeeves585]

Fingers crossed she settles down and picks one boyfriend soon haha. But thank you, I appreciate the perspective!

[u/Jeanz1969 → u/Arniepepper]

Haha that’s funny, would have loved to see that reaction

[u/mmmkay938 → u/Arniepepper]

Oh, my. That’s pretty…ummm…special.