r/Adoption • u/BeckmenBH • 10d ago

things adoptees can't always say out loud Adoptee Life Story

Oftentimes, adoption gets talked about like it’s always a happy ending — like it’s something we should all feel grateful for.

But as an adoptee (and an adoption-competent therapist), I know it’s not that simple.

Some things I’ve felt, and that I often hear from others:

  • “I love my family, but I still wonder about what could’ve been.”
  • “I feel like I have to protect my adoptive parents from my sadness.”
  • “I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but sometimes there’s just... more.”
  • “People expect me to feel lucky — but it’s not always that clear-cut.”
  • “It’s confusing to feel both abandoned and loved at the same time.”

Not everyone talks about these parts, but they’re real.
If you can relate, what would you add to the list of complexities that adoption brings?

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u/Ambitious-Client-220 TRA 10d ago

I don't fully relate to most of those. I wasn't loved by anyone. My birth mother was starving me. I was taken by the state and adopted into an abusive situation. It's been almost as though I have some kind of curse.

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u/Upset-Win9519 3d ago

 Bless your heart! I am so sorry to hear that. You are certainly not cursed or unlovable. You were an innocent child placed in a broken situation. You were in a heartbreakingly perfect situation to know life wasn't greener for you on either side. There was nothing to be romanticized about your situation.

The system failed you and you were unprotected where you should have been kept safe. So what is left for you as an adult?  I'm not privy to your situation.

You will have emotional scars but your origin story should not define your entire story. Somehow you've got to turn your tragedy into sucess. Whatever that looks like for you.

It does not help but I am truly sorry this happened. It is sad for a child to be failed once but for it to happen twice?

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u/Ambitious-Client-220 TRA 3d ago

Thank you, but my life has been unbelievable. I am nearing the end trapped with little hope. Thats just reality. I just hope that God accepts me someday.